touchout
Call your nearest business center and they'll give you a list a mile long of business who are desperate. business centers alotof the time are located right next to banks, theres like employment readyness people there all the time. Ask em for help on your resume and look for somebody who loves their job if you can. They'll tell you how to make your resume stand out, and it works better than any resume software you can find. Then ask them if they know any small businesses that are hiring, and ask if they're nearby.
The big places that are all beaurocratic and stuff will take you on as a slave and thats the best you'll get. The training will suck, and the job will suck even more. Your coworkers will either complain or will have adopted the slave mentality. You might get lucky though and find a really kinky broad working there who loves to party, or you might find a new friend who'll hook you up every night with anything(women, parties, and everything else you need to make you feel better about yourself)... good luck though they might already be taken.
The best bet is to find start-up businesses that aren't strict. They need to have a phone number, and you need to be able to talk to a manager like hes a freaking person. Just go in, say hi, tell em you aren't a quitter, and that you have initiative. Tell em your sorry for taking so ****ing long to get your first job, and tell em you'll do ***** work to make up for it. He'll love your "go get em attitude".... trust me its 1000x better than working for a franchise like dairy queen. You'd need to work there for tens of years, or become the bosses best friend before you ever get anywhere there.
The small business route is like an investment. If you're willing to work whenever you can, and do your best, the boss will give you as much freedom as he can, and he'll help you out if you are brutally honest and optimistic with him. You can work with him for years, and get him to explain his business plan with you, offer to take work home if you can. Do your damndest to be the kind of guy the boss can call "most improved".