Being Sexual

[ENIGMA16]

Been going to this bar for the past couple of weeks, started going as my regular bar simply because it's winter and it's the nicest bar in decent walking distance for winter. Anyways, there's this girl that bartends there that's pretty cute.

Right when I first met her I introduced myself, and gave her **** and teased her about stuff. Met her roommate there who happened to be sitting by herself, and started talking to her roommate a bit and got her number. Both are hot, so I had the dilemma of choosing (stupid idea), which kind of kept me hesitant from being direct towards one or the other because I didn't want to shut any doors.

I've sort of been texting back and forth with her roommate, and I've met up with them like once or twice since meeting them, both at the same bar where she works. Only one other time did I meet up with them, and it was at another bar last weekend where I just randomly ran into them. Got some kino in and some teasing with the bartender girl, but nothing sexual. Didn't go for her number that time because I felt awkward getting it not only in front of her roommate but also because this other girl I'm fvcking (who I went to the bar with) was like 5 feet away hahaha.

Anyways, cut to this weekend. Went to the bar, got her number right away while ordering my first drink. Me and my friends stay there and get pretty drunk, then most of my friends leave and it's just me, my friend, the roommate, and the bartender who just gets off work. We plan on meeting at this other bar and my friend leaves to meet us there because he has a car. I was gonna go with the girls.

Turns out bartender's key broke off in her ignition! So she's bumming out hardcore (understandably), I try calming her down tell her she can call it in for night parking for the night and have AAA tow her car and get her a number for a locksmith, give her a hug and whatnot and tell her it'll be fine.

We walk to this other bar in walking distance, hang out there for a bit, then they take me home in her roommate's car. That night I text her being like "Hope the rest of your weekend goes better :-/. Let me know how the lock sitch turns out!"

God I don't know why this story turned out so long.

tl;dr version: I've been teasing this girl a lot and giving her a ton of ****, and got some kino in but not a ton. But I haven't really been sexual with her at all. I can tell she's really into me (when I ran into her at the bar she wanted me to come in when she was working and was like "I enjoy your company blah blah"), but I don't know if it's just as a friend or if she's actually into me or whatnot.

Basically looking for tips on how to change the frame so that it's completely clear that I'm into her, without it being weird. I don't think I've set myself firmly in the friend zone simply because I haven't seen her that much (maybe 4 or 5 times, mostly when she's working), and because this is just usually what I do with girls and it works out haha.

Maybe I should invite her out somewhere so it's just me and her and see if she takes it? I can't tell if I've established attraction, basically, which is making me hesitant to do that.

Dumb thread, IDK why this happens every once in a while to me but it does. Blah.

 

[ENIGMA16]

I should clarify that the girls I end up getting, even if I intentionally game them, usually end up being ones that I'm "settling" for, i.e. 6's and 7's. Girls that I find really attractive I always develop this "tread lightly" complex which blows me out in the end: I never establish attraction and then just get denied on trying to set up the first date. This girl is like an 8 in my book, definitely falls into the category of those kind of girls that I really find attractive but never end up getting.

I'd really love to break that cycle. Should I just say fvck it and go all out or wat?

EDIT: BTW a friend's band is playing on Thursday was thinking of inviting her out to that so if I do need to establish more attraction it's gotta be over text otherwise I'll just see her at the bar er somethin.

 

[Jeffst1980]

This is a common sticking point.

ALWAYS assume attraction. ALWAYS!
The most attractive girls NEVER indicate whether they like you as a "friend" or something more. This is how they filter out the men with low self-confidence. If you are constantly seeking IOIs and treading with caution, they WILL notice.

Also, this girl already knows that you dig her--girls are not stupid. If you attempt to hide this interest from her, she will sense that you aren't confident you can get her and will lose attraction for you.

Invite this girl out on a real date. Then, try to kiss her. Even if she turns you down, you will win points for acting like a man, as long as you play it cool. Remember: rejections aren't final! Say something like, "It's cool; I'll get you eventually" with a sly smile. Besides, if she accepted a date with you one-on-one, she knew what was up.

I usually go direct on girls; I tell them I'm hitting on them, that I'm trying to take them home, etc.--good naturedly, of course, but with the purpose of showing that I'm not going to hide my desire out of fear of rejection. You might think this sounds "creepy," but it's quite the opposite--the guys that hide their desire and hover over girls are the "creepy" ones. As long as you keep a fun, positive vibe, you can be direct and girls will LOVE it. Remember, girls are used to guys that supplicate- they attempt to "win" them by impressing them and demonstrating chivalry. When you cut through all the bull and tell it like it is, you are demonstrating that you are a man that goes after what he wants--the definition of an alpha.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Yeah, thanks. Funny thing is that I know all of that, just need to hear it again. It's strange because with a lot of girls I have the perfect attitude; that same night I was talking to a girl about how I was gonna take her in the bathroom and fvck her hahahaha.

I've decided I'm gonna back off for a few weeks, since I don't wanna blow this out and I really do have all the time in the world.