"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Being seen with another girl (I'm new and in need of wisdom)

LeFrenchie

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First post here and looking for sage advice to help in my transition from AFC to DJ...

Came out of a LTR a while back and developed some pretty bad AFC tendencies (I shake my head in disbelief at some of the things I did) while getting a hold on the whole single thing.

Slowly getting my act together, with help from Sosuave.

So here's my predicament: Have this HB8 that I used to work with, we went out a while back but then she got into a relationship and I allowed it to get too close to the friendzone so I cut off all contact.

Single again, she's been emailing/texting me and we caught up for lunch last week. We've spoken a bit since and I was planning to meet up again but in the interim I bumped into her while I was hanging out with a girl she works with and it was a bit awkward.

So to the DJs out there, answer me this: Will being seen with this other girl affect my chances? Should I bring it up with the HB8 or just act like it never happened?

Appreciate any words of wisdom from you DJs...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Falcon25

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Here are the people who attend lunches; family members, business partners, homosexual men who just met and want to get to know each other.
Be bold, and aggressive, as her for drinks. Tell her you are single and just mingling with other girls but would like TO TAKE HER OUT on Thursday. Be bold.
 

jophil28

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LeFrenchie said:
So to the DJs out there, answer me this: Will being seen with this other girl affect my chances? Should I bring it up with the HB8 or just act like it never happened?

...
It is almost certain that HB8 has interrogated her co-worker about you.
And it a truism around here that women are attracted to men who are popular with other women.
Ya dig ?
 

LeFrenchie

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^ Seems you may have been right...

Went out again - no mention of the sighting - and everything went really well. I did a little bit of kino (it was reciprocated and in hindsight I should probably have done more) but didn't go for the kiss-close this time around - probably due to some lasting AFC tendencies (give me a break I'm still a work in progress) but also I didn't want to come on too strong given I made that mistake last time around with my AFC moves and pushed her away.

Following the the DJ wisdom and going on an action date (tennis) later in the week. I figure this will give me plenty of opportunity to step up the kino and escalate in general.

Would welcome some words of critique on today's date (it'll help with the move from AFC to DJ) and thoughts about the next date plans.
 
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