Well, I've been on a crazy ride these past few weeks and I'm trying to learn as much about myself as possible so that I can handle my emotions better in the future.
Basically, my story is, I lost my apartment, my job, and more recently lost my girlfriend (who I never really wanted until she started pushing me away). This has all taken a toll on me and has caused me to re-evaluate position in life.
Anyways, on another forum, I wrote about a possible subconscious disdain that I may have for humanity. But, because I focused so much on my ex, I didn’t get a chance to delve deeper into the aforementioned problem. So, I did some research on this and came upon the term, misanthropist. I've heard of this word before, but never really knew what it meant until now.
In general, I have a lot of distrust of others....in particularly, women. I never trusted the girls I'd been with...especially since I’ve learned that all girls have this “inner slut” in them.
This was hard for me to accept, because I've always put girls on pedestals. Even after learning all of this stuff 6-7 years ago, I still want to believe that girls are special flowers and not sluts...that when they say they are virgins, they really are virgins.
This subconscious belief causes me to be extra nice to women and feel guilt whenever I treat a woman bad.
But, when women do not conform to this subconscious belief that I have about them (such as my ex), I feel the anger grow….and I don’t want it anymore.
I know that if I let the anger and distrust consume me, then I will never get the women I actually want, because I won’t put a lot of effort into it.
However, learning as much as I have about women as I have (I still feel like I don't know **** about them), this has caused me to distrust every woman out there….particularly after the incident with my ex. I know that time heals all wounds, but I can’t shake the feeling that this will only strengthen the distrust I have for women in general. This is what scares me.
I’m still lacking the confidence that I want. I still feel as if I am not good enough for the women that I am attracted to even though I have had success with the stuff that I have learned. Furthermore, I still use them for self-validation in every way, even though I know I’m not supposed to.
I really would like to correct this and fix this issue of mine. I know that there are no quick fixes, but I’ve been doing this for a while now, and I’m getting frustrated.
Last thing, I know that I should focus on getting a new job (or career), and a new apartment before all else (i.e. women). But, I really don’t know what I want to do. I have a few ideas running through my head, but since losing my ex, I’ve lost all motivation to do anything….and I have to force myself to go out and do things (search for a job, hanging with friends, approaching other women) versus actually wanting to do these things.
Basically, my story is, I lost my apartment, my job, and more recently lost my girlfriend (who I never really wanted until she started pushing me away). This has all taken a toll on me and has caused me to re-evaluate position in life.
Anyways, on another forum, I wrote about a possible subconscious disdain that I may have for humanity. But, because I focused so much on my ex, I didn’t get a chance to delve deeper into the aforementioned problem. So, I did some research on this and came upon the term, misanthropist. I've heard of this word before, but never really knew what it meant until now.
In general, I have a lot of distrust of others....in particularly, women. I never trusted the girls I'd been with...especially since I’ve learned that all girls have this “inner slut” in them.
This was hard for me to accept, because I've always put girls on pedestals. Even after learning all of this stuff 6-7 years ago, I still want to believe that girls are special flowers and not sluts...that when they say they are virgins, they really are virgins.
This subconscious belief causes me to be extra nice to women and feel guilt whenever I treat a woman bad.
But, when women do not conform to this subconscious belief that I have about them (such as my ex), I feel the anger grow….and I don’t want it anymore.
I know that if I let the anger and distrust consume me, then I will never get the women I actually want, because I won’t put a lot of effort into it.
However, learning as much as I have about women as I have (I still feel like I don't know **** about them), this has caused me to distrust every woman out there….particularly after the incident with my ex. I know that time heals all wounds, but I can’t shake the feeling that this will only strengthen the distrust I have for women in general. This is what scares me.
I’m still lacking the confidence that I want. I still feel as if I am not good enough for the women that I am attracted to even though I have had success with the stuff that I have learned. Furthermore, I still use them for self-validation in every way, even though I know I’m not supposed to.
I really would like to correct this and fix this issue of mine. I know that there are no quick fixes, but I’ve been doing this for a while now, and I’m getting frustrated.
Last thing, I know that I should focus on getting a new job (or career), and a new apartment before all else (i.e. women). But, I really don’t know what I want to do. I have a few ideas running through my head, but since losing my ex, I’ve lost all motivation to do anything….and I have to force myself to go out and do things (search for a job, hanging with friends, approaching other women) versus actually wanting to do these things.