Being indifferent DOES work.

[stuka1939]

This site is correct as I have experienced it first hand.

There is a cute HB7 I work with (but I don't see too often) because we work on different floors. I introduced myself to her a few weeks back and I have talked to her on numerous occasions.

However, I NEVER go out of my way to say hi to her or hang around her desk.

The other day I had to go downstairs to drop off a book at the circulation desk (I work at a library and she works the circ desk). She was busy helping a patron and I dropped the book off with somebody else. I DID NOT even turn to look at her or acknowledge her (I saw her look at me) out of the corner of my eye. I basically dropped the book off and went right back upstairs instead of hanging around like an AFC to get her attention.

I HAVE NOTICED LATELY:

She now COMES TO TALK TO ME and her IL seems to have risen.

I am 8 years older than her and I don't know what her story is, but I am going to continue playing it cool.

Thanks Sosuave....

 

[Rook]

She now COMES TO TALK TO ME and her IL seems to have risen.

I am 8 years older than her and I don't know what her story is, but I am going to continue playing it cool.

Word to the wise... you already played it cool. You now have her attention (step 1)...

Play for keeps man. Escalate or masturbate... your call. She is throwing herself out there at you... don't play it like she means nothing to you (unless she doesn't).

Guess what Step 2 is?

 

[mcs]

:crackup: one girl is throwing her at me like a half a year. i act disinterested because i am. and... nothing changes! there is like nothing i can do to chase her away :crackup:

 

[SinJester]

The problem is that it wont work unless she is already interested in you You might say it increases attraction. I don't believe that acting disintrested will do anything but create a greater distance between the two of you if she wasn't attracted or intrerested at least a bit in the first place. However if that is the case it's best to just move on anyway.

So I'm not sure acting disinterested is really viable as a 'technique'. But maybe you can use it to enhance attraction if she was interested at some stage?

 

[stuka1939]

The problem is that it wont work unless she is already interested in you You might say it increases attraction. I don't believe that acting disintrested will do anything but create a greater distance between the two of you if she wasn't attracted or intrerested at least a bit in the first place. However if that is the case it's best to just move on anyway.

So I'm not sure acting disinterested is really viable as a 'technique'. But maybe you can use it to enhance attraction if she was interested at some stage?

Yeah, well I think she may be interested because she seemed nervous and figity when I talk to her.

 

[MotownMack]

I don't believe that acting disintrested will do anything but create a greater distance between the two of you if she wasn't attracted or intrerested at least a bit in the first place.

So I'm not sure acting disinterested is really viable as a 'technique'.

I strongly agree with both of these statements based on my own personal experience.

What you're doing initially, by not acting AFC or going right for her, is fine-for a bit. It's kind of like the Mystery Method of originally ignoring the target because she is an HB9 and used to attention... so you'll appear a little different by not going right for her.

So to some extent, this has possibly worked for you. You've gotten her a little curious perhaps-but all you've done is crack the door. And she will close it pretty quickly if you keep ignoring her or acting disinterested.

I know because I used to do this quite a bit back in the day, and rarely did it work for me. I'd try to be the "cool guy" who didn't need to approach women, and thought they should be coming to me, so I would generally act kind of disinterested and laid back. I think the only time disinterest might work is if you're exceptionally good looking and/or the girl is seriously in to you, but even then I wouldn't count on it. Ignore people and they'll generally ignore you.

What you're doing isn't necessarily wrong in concept, but there are much better ways to execute it.

It's MUCH more effective and DIFFERENT (i.e. non-AFC) for you to show "disinterest" through simple disqualifiers. During the course of building rapport with her via C/F, etc, you tease her with comments like "We could never be a couple, we'd kill each other" or "Good thing you're not my g/f, I would totally put in you in your place if you did that to me". In other words, say things that make it sound like you have no plans to date her.

Another thing I will do along those lines is challenge a girl when she says something that I think is BS (as they so often do, especially when you first meet them). Ever meet a chick initially, and when you're talking, she says something that is silly or sounds like total BS? Call her on it. Not in a confrontational way as much as a funny and playful way. But let her know you're not fooled and not afraid to tell her what's up. It shows confidence, and it's definitely different - even if other guys pick up on the same BS vibe, most of them will just go along with it in order to be non-confrontational or nice.

 

[stuka1939]

I strongly agree with both of these statements based on my own personal experience.

What you're doing initially, by not acting AFC or going right for her, is fine-for a bit. It's kind of like the Mystery Method of originally ignoring the target because she is an HB9 and used to attention... so you'll appear a little different by not going right for her.

So to some extent, this has possibly worked for you. You've gotten her a little curious perhaps-but all you've done is crack the door. And she will close it pretty quickly if you keep ignoring her or acting disinterested.

I know because I used to do this quite a bit back in the day, and rarely did it work for me. I'd try to be the "cool guy" who didn't need to approach women, and thought they should be coming to me, so I would generally act kind of disinterested and laid back. I think the only time disinterest might work is if you're exceptionally good looking and/or the girl is seriously in to you, but even then I wouldn't count on it. Ignore people and they'll generally ignore you.

What you're doing isn't necessarily wrong in concept, but there are much better ways to execute it.

It's MUCH more effective and DIFFERENT (i.e. non-AFC) for you to show "disinterest" through simple disqualifiers. During the course of building rapport with her via C/F, etc, you tease her with comments like "We could never be a couple, we'd kill each other" or "Good thing you're not my g/f, I would totally put in you in your place if you did that to me". In other words, say things that make it sound like you have no plans to date her.

Another thing I will do along those lines is challenge a girl when she says something that I think is BS (as they so often do, especially when you first meet them). Ever meet a chick initially, and when you're talking, she says something that is silly or sounds like total BS? Call her on it. Not in a confrontational way as much as a funny and playful way. But let her know you're not fooled and not afraid to tell her what's up. It shows confidence, and it's definitely different - even if other guys pick up on the same BS vibe, most of them will just go along with it in order to be non-confrontational or nice.

The issue is, I just started working there and I don't really want to make any waves asking co-workers out.

 

[MotownMack]

The issue is, I just started working there and I don't really want to make any waves asking co-workers out.

That's cool, I was more just stating that I really agreed with what SinJester wrote, and wanted to comment on it for 2 reasons. The obvious reason being that I experience it first had.

The second reason is because it's one of the commonly misunderstood concepts, that a lot of the new DJs sometimes take too literally, IMHO.
Guys read the MM and think that need to ignore the HB and then at the same time, go over top with neg hitting when they finally do address her, and think the goal is pretty much to treat her like total crap.

I tend to error on the side of caution-I don't ignore targets often (sporadically after we've met I do), but I find it much more successful to engage them in a friendly manner, but that doesn't mean act AFC or supplicate them. I spent a lot of time ignoring hot chicks in the past, and I know how that worked out for me. Being friendly, without acting like every other guy, has worked much better for me.

 

[reset]

My thoughts. Ignoring and acting disinterested does work, for the reasons MotownMack described. It's something different, she's not used to it, so you become intriguing to them and they start chasing you a bit.

But the part that can get left out, is owning your masculine sexual nature at the same time. Don't be afraid to show some sexual interest... it's ok. That's not the same as saying "oh god I like you!". You're just displaying that you're a guy, she's a chick, you get it, you know the deal, and should feel comfortable with some c/f, teasing, having a good time.

Doesn't mean you have to chase her around... but if she DOES have genuine interest, and she DOES chase you.... you're going to have to REWARD her for her behavior. She's doing what you want, so when she does, you're going to have to give her a little attention. Not too much, just laugh and keep it light and have fun, but enough to make her think "I want more of that".

In a work situation you're best doing just that. Don't go out of your way, don't call her email her or really initiate any conversations. Let her do all that stuff. But when she DOES (and only when she does) then give her some attention to reward her behavior.

 

[davem]

Hopefully you'll keep doing whats working.

Indifference conveys an 'alpha male' trait.... women
get the hint and are on you like white on rice.

you can drop hints to her... while you're talking, just drop:
"are you asking me to go out and have a drink with you after work?

if she says no, then say oh, cause thats what it sounded like (then end the convo)

if she says yes, then you're in.

if she says maybe, then you just need a C+F response.

Enjoy

btw Brent is the jedi master at indifference.

 

[leftForDeadPhoenix]

My take on indifference is that it's more of a state of mind than an act of ignoring someone. Ignoring a hot chick at first is probably good, but it's not going to continue to work. Indifference is showing confidence and emotional coolness in the face of b*tchiness or unjustifiable ridicule.

 

[Quiksilver]

Many of my friends see me as the most indifferent person they know. From personal experience, its better to use Indifference as just another tool in your arsenal, rather than a constant state of mind. An Indifferent person is almost lifeless about many things and holds himself back. Those are all bad side affects. Better to use indifference where it will be effective than to paint your whole life with the same brush.

cheers

 

[Mavrick]

Show no desperation

The best method to use with a girl like this is to show that you don't need her. It's ok to start a conversation, but be the one to end it and walk away. Make the conversations short and sweet. It's not really the key to be indifferent of disinterested, but entirely to show that you are not desperate for her.

Example:

I've been dating a girl for a couple of months, and I make it a point not to call her more than once a week, and it has shown her that I'm ok without her. When she hears from me, she is very excited and is ready to see me again. She can have just about any man she wants, but I keep it interesting without the desperation.

Don't show insecurity to her

When you show her that you are desperate, you will be canned. Once you start calling excessively, letting her say when the conversation is over, letting her end the phone calls, asking where she is, asking why she hasn't called, worrying about what she's doing, and anything else that shows that you can't deal with being without her will get you canned by this chick. Anytime you become insecure with a woman, you're only showing her that you're insecure with yourself because you're showing that you're not ok with being alone.

 

[Ripper]

The key is not being indifferent as it is portrayed in the OP's post (because ultimately, he isn't really indifferent otherwise he wouldn't have posted here) but being indifferent to the outcome.

 

[stuka1939]

I had the same situation today when i went downstairs to hand something to somebody. I went to the closest person (not her) and did not even acknowledge her. I saw her out of the corner of my eye looking in my direction.

You are right though, I can't remain indifferent or uninterested too much longer or all of the time, because then I would blow it.

 

[reset]

I ignored a chick at work for months, hot, just thought she may be an AW, and she's, like, married, so I just totally blew her off. Genuinely didn't care. Now after a few months of chasing me, she's just stopped coming down alltogether, waiting for me to start chasing her, right on cue. Now I'm all caught up in it. Gay. Not like I can do anything about it other than just not be stupid. It's a stupid game if you can't actually finish the mission.

 

[DannykDJ]

I think the indifference thing and ignoring someone is pointless. A woman who has even a small interest in you to begin with doesn't need to be ignored to build up her attraction.

Based on my own experience the only women that this works on for more than a few weeks is AWs who want the validation of knowing they can get you more than they want you. A normal woman will take it you not being interested and move on.

I think most people think acting indifferent is what is attracting the woman when in reality the thing doing the attraction is that you are showing her that you are not, needy, insecure, or seeking her approval.

 

[reset]

I think most people think acting indifferent is what is attracting the woman when in reality the thing doing the attraction is that you are showing her that you are not, needy, insecure, or seeking her approval.

That's it, the over-reaction of course is to pretend you don't have those things, so you ignore. If you were really indifferent, you wouldn't ignore and you wouldn't go out of your way, either.

 

[Mavrick]

I ignored a chick at work for months, hot, just thought she may be an AW, and she's, like, married, so I just totally blew her off. Genuinely didn't care. Now after a few months of chasing me, she's just stopped coming down alltogether, waiting for me to start chasing her, right on cue. Now I'm all caught up in it. Gay. Not like I can do anything about it other than just not be stupid. It's a stupid game if you can't actually finish the mission.

Dude, you're still messing with this woman?

 

[reset]

Dude, you're still messing with this woman?

Actually, I'm really just describing what it feels like. I haven't done anything. I don't call her, don't initiate anything. When I first met her, I just thought "married woman, possible AW, ignore." And that's what I've done.

She comes after me, yeah I flirt with her and bust her balls, but I do that with every chick. But it's all incoming from her. It's got to the point where she's getting like touchy feely with me, and I know that's as good as it gets (or as bad as it gets).

But I'm still a man. It's not like I don't enjoy that stuff. I'm actually holding it together pretty well. A lot of guys would be going up and trying to get her attention. I haven't let myself slide. I know nothing good could come from it. I also know it's a sign of scarcity thinking. I just keep saying to myself "you can do better than this. Just leave it alone."

So technically I never started messing with her.