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Being exceptional in bed...and the dreaded "I love you" that comes with it...

harrison9876

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Hey guys...

When I sleep with women, I am EXTREMELY in-tune with them both emotionally and physically. I just always connect with them on a much deeper level, than something purely "physical". Not sure how I do it...but it is something that I cannot switch off.

It sounds like this should be a great thing...but it is actually a bit of a problem because every girl has concluded that because of this connection, then I must be "the one" (or similar variations). They would fall very quickly...when I was just thought we were having fun.

"I love you" is said to me a lot during sex...to the point where sex just turned me off. I stopped liking sex because sleeping with a girl meant she was going to fall quickly...BECAUSE of how I can easily I connect sexually with them. On top...I always felt like I was giving more (sexually) than the girl.

So for the most part, I would say that my association with the words, "I love you" are more negative than positive.

Though I was married for 10 years (another horrible relationship), overall my entire life of dating has been horrible. Mainly because I just do not like dating. In-fact, I hate it. All I can think about is NOT wanting to connect with a girl...and if I do, the thought of, "damn...I sleep with this girl, she is going to be mega into me". So I don't.

I also find that when I am attracted to a girl, something is missing. She is like 60% of what I would want...or maybe even 75% of what I am into...with ALWAYS something missing. Could be something in her personality, her interests, her likes/dislikes, or even something sexually...

Not sure if that is normal...but...that is how I have always felt with the women I have been with - something is ALWAYS missing.

That is...until I met this amazing girl last month.

O
M
G

This girl blows me away.

She is a pretty, bisexual, hippy, dancing, nerd. She is open, honest, and VERY sexually in-tune with her body, as she has been studying Tantra and Tantric Sex.

I met her in a zoom class. We chatted one-on-one for about 30 minutes, and I really found myself attracted to her. I thought she was really cool and interesting...and after a really cool convo, we decided to meet up the following week for a hike.

A day hike to me is more like a "friend-zone" thing...and I went back and forth to switching to drinks or something...but given that my dating life sucks, and I am not very good at it to begin with, I let it remain as a hike. I also knew she was more into women right now, so I wasn't really wanting to push anything.

I do not know what it is...but the moment she arrived at my door, and we saw each other, there was a MASSIVE magnetic attraction between us - like INSANE. Something neither her or I have never experienced before. Those years of "eh...I don't really want to be involved with women", "I do not women to be into me", etc. was pretty much out the door.

I WANT this girl to be into me.

The hug when we met went on longer than it should...my hand resting on her lower back after we both pulled away went on longer than it should...but it was all VERY comfortable...and explosive at the same time.

We had a drink before heading out...and as we sat on my deck, our hands met, and really instinctively and naturally, we were holding hands in a very sensual way as we chatted. It was basically hand flirting.

We never made the hike.

Within about 15 minutes we were all over each other...and she ended up naked on my floor, having orgasms without any actual sex. Seriously.

The only thing that went through my mind was, "who ARE you??"

She ended up being one of the most intriguing girls I have ever met, and our sexual chemistry is INSANE. She also speaks 4 different languages, has traveled the world, is extremely artistic, and one of the most SUPPORTIVE girls I have even met in my life.

How she feels around me, is EXACTLY how I feel around her...and all those years of being with girls who were maybe 60-75% of what I wanted and needed...she is like 100%. We are BOTH in tune with each other on exactly the same level in every way.

I cannot explain it. It is massively INSANE what is going on between her and I. We joke about it, because she gave up completely on men...I gave up on women...and now her and I cannot get enough of each other.

It has only been 3 weeks, but whatever connection we have is abnormal...and we are both loving it.

We have seen each other numerous times the past few weeks, and for once, I am not getting sick of someone. I get bored VERY easily with women - calling too much...being needy, etc...but with her...I LOVE being around her.



This one night last week, during sex, she said the dreaded, "I love you"...

Because I already knew what our connection is like, I was actually expecting it...but this time (contrary to all the other times a girl has said this and I found it annoying)...I did not mind it.

I froze a bit, not knowing what to say...so I just looked at her in the eyes, smiled, and in a very caring way said, "what am I going to do with you?"

I know she wanted me to say it back...but in my head, I am like, "okay...this has ONLY been 3 weeks in intensity...we are in the middle of amazing sex...she is just in the moment, right?" This happens a lot to me, so in some ways it reminded me of all my past negative experiences...

BUT...what I will admit, is when I hang up the phone with her...more often than not, I say to myself, "wow...I LOOOOOOOVE this girl".

I have never said, "I love you, too" to ANYONE...and with this only being 3 weeks, I do not know if this is just pure craziness. What goes though my head is, "what does it MEAN if I say that back?" I know I am not "IN LOVE" with her...but damn...I am crazy for this girl, and she feels the same back.

Thoughts on this?
 

RickPound

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Slow your roll and try to keep your perspective. A lot of men will tell you that things getting this intense this quick is a red flag that could lead to bad things down the road. Understand you’re under the influence of drugs, literally, chemicals in your brain. Try to maintain a level head, drag your feet, take it slow, and watch for red flags. It will be hard but it needs to be done.
 

bmp2cpm

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I’m a big believer in going only for girls you have insane chemistry with.

I agree with Rick be cautious and watch for signs of red flags.

Have fun but hold your frame. Good luck!
 

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Pierce.Manhammer

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I know what you’re talking about. Except my situation lasted four years. And ever since then she’s the one that got away.

All good things end brother, I pedestalized her and fell hard, then without much of a warning it ended.

The issue is that I wanted her to know how I felt about her when all those years she was the one telling me and desperately trying to get at me.

My only advice is but if you wanted to last you need to keep it mysterious - you have to find a way to keep her challenged.

And yea I like others here I’m sure get the same reactions from women as far as sex is concerned. They’re always convinced it must be love and you must be the one, because they’ve never connected like this with a man before. If you give the woman the best sex she’s ever had they DO FALL, their brains cannot comprehend that you can be that intimate and not be in love.

In psych circles it’s called histrionic.

Anyway I haven’t read the other responses before posting this one. I’m off to read them now, should be interesting.

Hey guys...

When I sleep with women, I am EXTREMELY in-tune with them both emotionally and physically. I just always connect with them on a much deeper level, than something purely "physical". Not sure how I do it...but it is something that I cannot switch off.

It sounds like this should be a great thing...but it is actually a bit of a problem because every girl has concluded that because of this connection, then I must be "the one" (or similar variations). They would fall very quickly...when I was just thought we were having fun.

"I love you" is said to me a lot during sex...to the point where sex just turned me off. I stopped liking sex because sleeping with a girl meant she was going to fall quickly...BECAUSE of how I can easily I connect sexually with them. On top...I always felt like I was giving more (sexually) than the girl.

So for the most part, I would say that my association with the words, "I love you" are more negative than positive.

Though I was married for 10 years (another horrible relationship), overall my entire life of dating has been horrible. Mainly because I just do not like dating. In-fact, I hate it. All I can think about is NOT wanting to connect with a girl...and if I do, the thought of, "damn...I sleep with this girl, she is going to be mega into me". So I don't.

I also find that when I am attracted to a girl, something is missing. She is like 60% of what I would want...or maybe even 75% of what I am into...with ALWAYS something missing. Could be something in her personality, her interests, her likes/dislikes, or even something sexually...

Not sure if that is normal...but...that is how I have always felt with the women I have been with - something is ALWAYS missing.

That is...until I met this amazing girl last month.

O
M
G

This girl blows me away.

She is a pretty, bisexual, hippy, dancing, nerd. She is open, honest, and VERY sexually in-tune with her body, as she has been studying Tantra and Tantric Sex.

I met her in a zoom class. We chatted one-on-one for about 30 minutes, and I really found myself attracted to her. I thought she was really cool and interesting...and after a really cool convo, we decided to meet up the following week for a hike.

A day hike to me is more like a "friend-zone" thing...and I went back and forth to switching to drinks or something...but given that my dating life sucks, and I am not very good at it to begin with, I let it remain as a hike. I also knew she was more into women right now, so I wasn't really wanting to push anything.

I do not know what it is...but the moment she arrived at my door, and we saw each other, there was a MASSIVE magnetic attraction between us - like INSANE. Something neither her or I have never experienced before. Those years of "eh...I don't really want to be involved with women", "I do not women to be into me", etc. was pretty much out the door.

I WANT this girl to be into me.

The hug when we met went on longer than it should...my hand resting on her lower back after we both pulled away went on longer than it should...but it was all VERY comfortable...and explosive at the same time.

We had a drink before heading out...and as we sat on my deck, our hands met, and really instinctively and naturally, we were holding hands in a very sensual way as we chatted. It was basically hand flirting.

We never made the hike.

Within about 15 minutes we were all over each other...and she ended up naked on my floor, having orgasms without any actual sex. Seriously.

The only thing that went through my mind was, "who ARE you??"

She ended up being one of the most intriguing girls I have ever met, and our sexual chemistry is INSANE. She also speaks 4 different languages, has traveled the world, is extremely artistic, and one of the most SUPPORTIVE girls I have even met in my life.

How she feels around me, is EXACTLY how I feel around her...and all those years of being with girls who were maybe 60-75% of what I wanted and needed...she is like 100%. We are BOTH in tune with each other on exactly the same level in every way.

I cannot explain it. It is massively INSANE what is going on between her and I. We joke about it, because she gave up completely on men...I gave up on women...and now her and I cannot get enough of each other.

It has only been 3 weeks, but whatever connection we have is abnormal...and we are both loving it.

We have seen each other numerous times the past few weeks, and for once, I am not getting sick of someone. I get bored VERY easily with women - calling too much...being needy, etc...but with her...I LOVE being around her.



This one night last week, during sex, she said the dreaded, "I love you"...

Because I already knew what our connection is like, I was actually expecting it...but this time (contrary to all the other times a girl has said this and I found it annoying)...I did not mind it.

I froze a bit, not knowing what to say...so I just looked at her in the eyes, smiled, and in a very caring way said, "what am I going to do with you?"

I know she wanted me to say it back...but in my head, I am like, "okay...this has ONLY been 3 weeks in intensity...we are in the middle of amazing sex...she is just in the moment, right?" This happens a lot to me, so in some ways it reminded me of all my past negative experiences...

BUT...what I will admit, is when I hang up the phone with her...more often than not, I say to myself, "wow...I LOOOOOOOVE this girl".

I have never said, "I love you, too" to ANYONE...and with this only being 3 weeks, I do not know if this is just pure craziness. What goes though my head is, "what does it MEAN if I say that back?" I know I am not "IN LOVE" with her...but damn...I am crazy for this girl, and she feels the same back.

Thoughts on this?
 

Pan87

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Bragging about your sexual prowess as a man is one thing...

But men with experience know that if a girl really, really likes you then she basically orgasms as soon as your mediocre pencil enters her vag.

I'd consider myself a guy with great technique, but I've noticed that how a girl feels about me outside of the sex (my value, my general attractiveness etc) dictates how open she will be during sex, and how much she enjoys it. Her ability to "let go" and lose herself in the sex.

For women, sex is largely a psychological thing. The fantasy she creates in her head about who you are, and the narrative about how you met etc, is about 99% of female eroticism in a nutshell. It actually has very little to do with P in V (which is what us men are largely interested in).
 

Black Widow Void

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I made it about halfway through your posting (it was starting to sound like a secs ad and most of us here are men).

Anyway... hearing the "I love you's" during the act can sometimes happen. Sometimes, the woman is lost in the moment, she could be drunk and/or really enjoying things.

Not sure about your experience, but I've always heard this *before* I've had my turn to get off. Naturally, I don't want to ruin the momentum, but I'm sure as hell not going to say those words back to her. Normally, I've just groaned and said something back like... "you're wonderful." Although I may not even mean this phrase, it's safe and (so far) hasn't disrupted the act.

Another thing...if this is a FWB or a casual hookup, there's a good chance that once her glow wears off, it'll go back to the way things were before.
 

Pan87

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I made it about halfway through your posting (it was starting to sound like a secs ad and most of us here are men).

Anyway... hearing the "I love you's" during the act can sometimes happen. Sometimes, the woman is lost in the moment, she could be drunk and/or really enjoying things.

Not sure about your experience, but I've always heard this *before* I've had my turn to get off. Naturally, I don't want to ruin the momentum, but I'm sure as hell not going to say those words back to her. Normally, I've just groaned and said something back like... "you're wonderful." Although I may not even mean this phrase, it's safe and (so far) hasn't disrupted the act.

Another thing...if this is a FWB or a casual hookup, there's a good chance that once her glow wears off, it'll go back to the way things were before.
"I love you's" are worth next to nothing. Take it to the bank and see if you can cash it in.

When a woman starts telling me that she loves me I see it as an opportunity for her to start doing things for me. Love, for me, is serving me. I don't want the words. I want the serving.
 

Black Widow Void

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"I love you's" are worth next to nothing. Take it to the bank and see if you can cash it in.

When a woman starts telling me that she loves me I see it as an opportunity for her to start doing things for me. Love, for me, is serving me. I don't want the words. I want the serving.

Thanks for sharing this. All of us here on sosuave have spent countless hours... wondering about your romance life.
 

Pan87

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Thanks for sharing this. All of us here on sosuave have spent countless hours... wondering about your romance life.
It's interesting that you consider yourself an unelected spokesperson for sosuave. That's rather arrogant for an old man. I thought age was supposed to humble, not embitter.
 

Murk

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It’s 3 weeks… enjoy it and see what happens over the next few months and update us.

I take “I love you’s” during sex with a pinch of salt. The sober, looking you dead in the eyes “I love you” are the ones to worry about. Just ignore it, it’s part of sex to feel love in my opinion as God created sex for man and woman (in marriage). There’s a spiritual element to sex and marriage that is overlooked by non religious folk and even religious folk too
 

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Gamisch

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It's interesting that you consider yourself an unelected spokesperson for sosuave. That's rather arrogant for an old man. I thought age was supposed to humble, not embitter.
Yeah he cant really take it when he senses somebody disagrees with him. Seems like a decent guy intelligent guy, but also a typical keyboard warrior. Undermines the strong and unique feeling of brotherhood on this forum. Eternal blue piller that must be fun at parties . Would would nice if he tones it down from now on and stops picking little fights.
Bragging about your sexual prowess as a man is one thing...

But men with experience know that if a girl really, really likes you then she basically orgasms as soon as your mediocre pencil enters her vag.

I'd consider myself a guy with great technique, but I've noticed that how a girl feels about me outside of the sex (my value, my general attractiveness etc) dictates how open she will be during sex, and how much she enjoys it. Her ability to "let go" and lose herself in the sex.

For women, sex is largely a psychological thing. The fantasy she creates in her head about who you are, and the narrative about how you met etc, is about 99% of female eroticism in a nutshell. It actually has very little to do with P in V (which is what us men are largely interested in).
Yes. Completely agree. Although women obviously enjoy sex, I believe a man must learn most happens before and after sex for a woman. This will keep a man sharp and come across as less egotistical.the cliches of keep romancing her and always hit it like it's the last time .

I think of has a lot do with the fact that D offers are easily obtained. When a man is drowning in pvssy he will also have a need for more psychological aspects of sex. I would like to hear @catsmeow s take on this
 

catsmeow

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I think of has a lot do with the fact that D offers are easily obtained. When a man is drowning in pvssy he will also have a need for more psychological aspects of sex. I would like to hear @catsmeow s take on this.
Not sure what you mean when saying men have a need for more psychological aspects of sex, for ME (as a woman) 95% of great sex is emotional. If/when a man is able to touch my emotions and cause me to feel on a deeper level than just physical, he's a great lover.

Whether my emotions at that moment are logical is irrelevant, in fact I contend that much of it is based on fantasy or my "idea" of him, until I get to know him better.

That said, I am fairly grounded and when engaging in early sex, I try to not have too many expectations. That doesn't mean I don't fantasize or have hope things will work out, but I've learned to keep my expectations in check.
 

Pan87

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Not sure what you mean when saying men have a need for more psychological aspects of sex, for ME (as a woman) 95% of great sex is emotional. If/when a man is able to touch my emotions and cause me to feel on a deeper level than just physical, he's a great lover.

Whether my emotions at that moment are logical is irrelevant, in fact I contend that much of it is based on fantasy or my "idea" of him, until I get to know him better.

That said, I am fairly grounded and when engaging in early sex, I try to not have too many expectations. That doesn't mean I don't fantasize or have hope things will work out, but I've learned to keep my expectations in check.
There’s also the very simple fact that men have roughly 10-15 times the amount of testosterone as women.

This is very significant.

Men who suffer from low testosterone all report one key side effect - An absolutely crushed libido.

If you want to really enjoy the P in V aspect of sex, from a raw male perspective. Pure pleasure. You have to have lots of testosterone.

Otherwise, you just want to cuddle and hold hands.

It’s literally this basic hormone that makes such a difference.
 

catsmeow

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If you want to really enjoy the P in V aspect of sex, from a raw male perspective. Pure pleasure. You have to have lots of testosterone.

Otherwise, you just want to cuddle and hold hands.

It’s literally this basic hormone that makes such a difference.
Well, it's a bit more than just wanting to cuddle and hold hands. Speaking for myself, I absolutely love P in V sex, not in the same way a man might because you're right, I don't have the testosterone levels he has, BUT that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it, the physical aspect of it.

I do, A LOT, but in order to enjoy the physical, there must be a strong emotional component, that "connection," (even if for just that moment) otherwise I might as well have sex with myself.
 

Gamisch

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Not sure what you mean when saying men have a need for more psychological aspects of sex, for ME (as a woman) 95% of great sex is emotional. If/when a man is able to touch my emotions and cause me to feel on a deeper level than just physical, he's a great lover.

Whether my emotions at that moment are logical is irrelevant, in fact I contend that much of it is based on fantasy or my "idea" of him, until I get to know him better.

That said, I am fairly grounded and when engaging in early sex, I try to not have too many expectations. That doesn't mean I don't fantasize or have hope things will work out, but I've learned to keep my expectations in check.
Thanks for giving this insightful answer.

What I mean(first example that comes to mind)is Hugh Grant. A list actor, still prefers to get a Bj from a cheap prostitute in his car while he was at the top of his game and could've bagged any woman on planet earth. Goes to show a man with loads of options might prefer thrill over ...so called quality woman or beauty.

The part I bolded in your answer; I think a lotta men here (including me) can learn a thing or two about how to keep this momentum going. I think most men fair well riding of the " new relationship energy" ,but once that fades ..

Is this explainable, or do you say this is
difficult to put in words and more about feelings?

If I am correct you stated you are in a LTR, and I know it's a difficult question, but I wanna know from your exp or female friends what keeps a woman going once the " fantasy part" is gone.
 
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