Before you get judgemental

[MixMaxster]

Ok this is my first real time posting on this forum, but I'm glad to have come across this site as it has TRULY OPENED up my eyes in light of the situation I was put in.

I can already guess the types of responses I'm about to get and I don't want the responses to be sugarcoated and I also don't want it spoonfed to me as a way to save myself or show no mercy or something.

So my questions or series of questioning is this, now this is touchy and I'm sure many of you would say "FORGET IT! Just MOVE ON MAN" or something along those lines but really, what's so bad about wanting to get back with an ex? Especially if NOT being a DJ was the problem in the first place? And another thing, why is it best to not even go after them? To save pride? ego? anything like that? Is there any real reason why one CAN'T? Or is it best to just leave it be because you're worth more than what you're making yourself out to be like?

A lot of my friends and family have all said very similar things about it, usually like "when it's over it's over" or "you can't change their mind" or "there's no sense in trying to put hope into a relationship that is over" or "You shouldn't do anything to try and get them back, they'll come back on their own if it's meant to be." or basically things that say "Forget about it, move on and find someone better. NEXT" but now as true as that is, a real DJ is the prize to be one is he not? Is he not the one who is really searching for his prize wife or the one woman who is lucky enough to be the one that gets to keep him? Why is the one that got away not that girl? Because she ruined her chances? What if I was a complete p*ssy because I didn't know how to play the game. Then does that mean I let a perfectly good woman go away simply to make it easier on myself or something? Is there just no way? Is it as hard as getting your gf's hot roomate to have a minage a toi with you? lol

I don't know guys, I hate to make it sound like I'm totally obsessing about this and making it seem like she's all I think about because that SIMPLY is not the case and I hope I don't get replies that suggest that. PLEASE spare me it. Oddly enough I'm just curious to really hear what others have to say on the manner, I haven't gotten a straight answer really out of anyone I know and as such I haven't moved on fully as a result. Thankfully after coming to this site I feel like a new and improved me and things only keep getting better, but I would really like to hear what you all have to say on this as I've never had a straight answer.

 

[Dirtheart]

I posted a very similar thread when I first started using this board. It's horrible to have a relationship fail and realise after how you could have saved it. But unfortunately you can't undo the past.

The reason most people will tell you to move on and forget it is because:

A. You will drive her further away with your desperation to win her back.

B. She is probably not attracted to you any more.

C. While you are holding hope of getting back with her, you are putting your dating life and your life in general on hold.


Trust me, I have been in your situation and I admit I did become obsesses with it. I'd spend my days thinking of how to put mistakes right. I read this site and did all the studying on seduction in the hope that it would change her mind, and the slightest politeness or response I got from her would give me hope again...only to crumble soon after.

We never got back together. I spent months suffering, obsessing and gained nothing from it. It was only when I moved on that things started getting better for me.

Looking back now, I realise she was not nearly as special as I made her out to be and I'm so glad it didn't last.

 

[jakeyboy]

Originally posted by Dirtheart


Looking back now, I realise she was not nearly as special as I made her out to be and I'm so glad it didn't last.

well said my man. good on ya.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Once a relationship sours... even if you do get back together, the chances are it will never be the same, and will probably fail again.

I finally got out of a 2yr relationship where we broke up 6 times. It was supposed to be over the first time. Had i just stayed away, things would have been alot better for me. Instead, I got back with her and went to hell and back in the biggest rollercoaster ride ever. One day everything was cool and the next day we weren't even in the same book as one another.

Looking back, I'm kicking myself for waisting 2yrs of my life on a hopeless case.

And not because I was a chump. Quite the opposite. She couldn't handle me.

My advice as you've already guess is:

Just move on.

She probably doesn't look at you in the same light, anymore, so all efforts are futile.


The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[squirrels]

If your eyes were REALLY open, you wouldn't be asking this question.

There's nothing wrong with wanting her back. The question is WHY you want her back.

 

[MixMaxster]

So there's really nothing that could ever be done hey?

I can't answer that last question of "why I want them back" because I have only had a couple of gf's and I felt that this one was the real deal. Both of us never really faught, but there were some arguments. Not too often. We both enjoy music (writing, playing and composing), same taste for food and fashion you name it.

There wasn't too much that we didn't like about each other, but if anything I'm betting she had a problem with my past behaviour and such.

Hey guys thanks for the replies, don't worry about anything really or feel like I'm somehow "Not getting it" hahah. I really have taken this advice already to heart as she broke up with me 5 months ago saying "she didn't love me anymore" I have a feeling what that REALLY means, but I guess I was on the right track by forgetting about it and moving on.

I would just like for someone to be able to say it's possible and say what one would need to do in order to give them the best possible chance of getting them back, but I guess such a thing doesn't exist.