BeExcellent, what advice would you give your daughters?

[DoubleBarrel]

Pook is good stuff to be sure. His Woman ese always gives me a giggle.

Enjoy your Friday. Gotta cook supper.

Cheers

You couldn't envision him being president of your nation? I could.

EDIT: He's a modern day King Solomon, and deserves to sit upon a throne.

 

[DoubleBarrel]

There was a time when wisdom correlated with masculinity. I would like to see that age again.

 

[DoubleBarrel]

Pook knows how to give it to us.

 

[SW15]

Props to your fiancé, I couldnt live with a woman who was divorced or had kids of her own while I didn’t have any and was never married.

I‘m seeing a woman now, she said ”a man is not a man unless he gets married and has kids.”

It's kind of a raw deal for a childless man to have an extended and committed relationship with a single mom.

This is somewhat of a generational thing. @BeExcellent is a Generation X'er. Childlessness after 35-40 was so much less common in her generation and with the Baby Boomers than with the Millennials. I am an early Millennial and I know that there are so many childless Millennials out there than I will not need to date a single mom no matter how old I am.

 

[DoubleBarrel]

Thanks for this, @BeExcellent! This is great stuff.

 

[logicallefty]

@BeExcellent good responses and advise in this thread from you. You have been one of the better behaved and honest female members we have had here. You don't seem to get triggered or throw out passive aggressive pokes to start trouble with the guys like other past female members have. Great stuff!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@BeExcellent,

I don't know if you have any daughters, but if you did or do, what advice would you give them in selecting a man?

When women are young, they usually don't yet have the knowledge to contrast the high from the low value. They can't yet differentiate the alpha from the beta, a lot of the time until they've picked up enough experience through trial and error to make the distinctions. And on top of that, even if they do identify an alpha, he may not be long-term material.

The goal for every woman is to find and keep a Cool Guy; a guy who's masculine and alpha, but is also loyal and isn't an untrustworthy cheating scumbag who's just in it to use them for the sex.

What would you advise young women in their search for a high quality man to form a long-term relationship with?

How can a young woman learn to determine the wheat from the chaff from a young age? What are the signs to look for? And what are the red-flags that should prompt avoidance?

You have to keep in mind that women desire different things. In these days alot of women actually DO want a man she can control. At least to be in a relationship with. She might control her "man" and cheat on him on the side.

They really DO NOT want to "submit" and follow someone's lead for everything, especially if she is developed and top of the curve in any of her areas. So the stuff we think in these parts don't apply to them it's different.

 

[SW15]

@BeExcellent good responses and advise in this thread from you. You have been one of the better behaved and honest female members we have had here. You don't seem to get triggered or throw out passive aggressive pokes to start trouble with the guys like other past female members have. Great stuff!

You've been on this forum for far longer than I have. That's meaningful. I think it would be easy to get triggered as a female in this forum. @BeExcellent does comport herself well.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

As far as advice I share with my daughters in choosing a man I advocate for the following:

1. Choose a man for whom you have sexual desire.
2. Choose a man who respects himself and respects you.
3. Choose a man with ambition/plans for his life.
4. Choose a man you enjoy spending time with.
5. Choose a man who is loyal, trustworthy and kind.
6. Choose a man who makes you laugh.
7. Choose a man who looks after his health (this falls under him having self respect but it’s important)
8. Choose a man who appreciates you.
9. Do NOT choose a man with an addiction problem or tendencies (again this falls under him respecting himself). You’ll always come second to that.
10. Real men do not need fixing or rescuing. You want a man not a project.

That’s basically it.

No warning about being careful with guys out of their league? This is a very good list, to be sure, but hypergamy is the #1 issue with women's mating choices, as the forum has amply discussed ad nauseum over the years.

I hope your daughters don't become Alpha Widows. You want to be excellent, but also smart.

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent good responses and advise in this thread from you. You have been one of the better behaved and honest female members we have had here. You don't seem to get triggered or throw out passive aggressive pokes to start trouble with the guys like other past female members have. Great stuff!

Thanks Lefty & SW15. I’m all for more masculine men. My son will be 20 this summer…he’s developing into a leader and takes no BS. Not from me, or anyone. And I revered my father. My dad would have liked my fiancé. He’s a man’s man.

 

[BeExcellent]

No warning about being careful with guys out of their league? This is a very good list, to be sure, but hypergamy is the #1 issue with women's mating choices, as the forum has amply discussed ad nauseum over the years.

I hope your daughters don't become Alpha Widows. You want to be excellent, but also smart.

If a person has self assuredness no one is “out of one’s league”. I am the same person chatting with a pro athlete or celebrity or politician or with a housekeeper or yard guy. I’m real. If I want my kids to learn anything it’s to have the self confidence to be real, authentic.

If I wanted to marry money I certainly could have. Hell I still could. But that’s not what is important to me. I’ve never sold out because I’m attractive; never been in a transactional relationship (beauty for resources). I do not understand that way of thinking. It’s not how I was raised.

And I’m trying to raise my kids the way I was raised. To think for themselves, own their choices, avoid mistakes they cannot recover from, to be real and kind and yet to be careful in the world. Real people are rare out there.

Authenticity requires a certain willingness to be vulnerable. There are people who recognize this and would take advantage of it. People mistake vulnerability for weakness. It isn’t. Vulnerability comes from a place of strength of character; from a willingness to trust with the risk of being hurt deeply. But this is what creates intimacy between people.

The thing it takes time to learn is how to recognize those who are themselves genuine and those who would take advantage.

If I can help my kids learn these things as they make their ways in the world I will consider myself successful as a parent. We shall see.