"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Been really stupid... any way out

Geogem

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Before I start, I do know that most of the people reading this will have a "you asked for it" reaction... I know, but it doesn't help :)

So, it's basically a missed your shot story.

It all started years ago, when I met this girl at the University. Went out on a date, but I wasn't really feeling it, so I let it pass. But, we bumped into each other time to time, met up... sometimes drinks, sometimes movies... Each time I would get very clear signals, but didn't act on them.
I wasn't playing, or trying to be a jerk, I really wanted to be friends, she is a very interesting person, and I enjoy the company (and this where you say "you don't do that to a girl, you jerk", I know...). We never got to the real friend phase, we would se each other a couple of times, and than nothing for 6 months or a year...

About 8 months ago, we met up again (now both out of the University...) and somehow an idea came up we might take some dancing lesson together. And we did. Even at this point, I think that had I tried, I would have got her... But I didn't.

This time, however, we kept seeing each other. And all of a sudden, something snapped in my head (or heart, or... well wherever it snaps). Unfortunately, by that time, the signals were gone. Quite the opposite. The "friend" word came up (in plan conversation, not an advance, but still, before she would make just absurd semantic constructions to avoid saying friends), it's gotten fairly difficult to see her outside of the dancing lessons (before she would completely rearrange her life just for a cup of coffee)...

Almost like she pulled a "Crazy Ivan" on me (pulling away from a person, sometimes works on girls, never heard of work on guy).

The problem is, now I'm nuts about her. I know her relatively well, I's been going on for some time now, so not a stupid crush which is about to just go away.

So, I know, I missed my shot.
Right now, it seems like we're headed for a conversation after which we won't be seeing each other anymore at all (But than again, I might be to much of realist, you know the "This is half full", "This is half empty", "I think this is piss" poster").

Any ideas if there is something I might try before I go and FUBAR things? I'v got the patience, if there is a long-shot...
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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sodbuster

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date other women, IF she gets jealous... you stand a chance. IF not,well, you are dating other girls and not wasting time
 

PDubb75

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sodbuster said:
date other women, IF she gets jealous... you stand a chance. IF not,well, you are dating other girls and not wasting time
At this point, I'm not sure I agree with this advice. This back and forth has gone on for so long now (many months, it seems) with you making no move. As you've mentioned, she started using the word "friend" now, when she avoided it before, and other signals have disappeared. By dating other women, you are just reaffirming what she seems to be thinking already "he doesn't want me".

You need to make a move on her. You literally have nothing to lose, as you said the relationship was going towards a "not seeing eachother at all anymore" state. Just keep in mind that this may confuse the hell out of her after all this time, so you may be asked to explain your actions. Be ready for that.
 

BadNews

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Take things slow. Do NOT initiate the 'relationship/where things are going/i like you' conversation...EVER!

Slowly try to drop hints that you like her more than just friends. SLOWLY (over a period of get togethers, not hours/minutes) try to escalate. You can't rush this, or you'll creep her out.

I was in a near identical situation last year, I simply called her up one time and said "lets go on a DATE on friday" (make sure you use the word date..she should get the picture)...the rest is history. But you really cant rush this. Dont try to eat her face out of nowhere, dont spill your 'feelings' to her...dont try to get in her pants one night, or you'll ruin your chances.
 
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