Been dating this girl for six months.........then today she tells me that last night

[Alien]

hey OP! how many times a week do you fvck her?

 

[Kailex]

OP: It is not always BETTER to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission, specially when it comes to women.


You didn't know before hand that she was going out with this pharmacist, and why not? You've been going out for 6 months. You say you two are exclusive, so why couldn't she be accountable for telling you were she was? What if your night with the buddies had been cut short and you decided to go visit her and saw she wasn't there? What then if you called her and asked where she was?

I'm sorry, but I have zero tolerance for this.

Yes, she knows him for 30 years. FINE. If he's just a friend for so long, you should know him by now and she should have told you before doing this.

The fact that she couldn't even have the common courtesy to let you know before she went on this "date" is a huge sign of disrespect. Had you done the same, she would be crying about how you are turning your back on the relationship and "Ugh, typical man" and the same rant of "Who is that slut?"


She might think of him as "just a friend" but that doesn't mean he sees her in the same light.

Tread lightly and start meeting other women to go out with. She went out with another guy and didn't tell you. Her backstory worked AGAINST her.

 

[big weezy]

I learned this from someone i respect greatly.

When in situations like this - say something like, "is he hot? want to do a threesome with him?"... then... WATCH HER REACTION!

You'll learn if it's a sh!t test or genuine interest from her to him.

And at that point - you move accordingly.

this is good, how should you say this above, in a joking tone or a serious tone?

and what reaction should you be expecting etc? i.e. if this reaction this means that, if that reaction means sh1t test.

 

[jophil28]

She has knows this guy forever and been friends for a long time. Now that she is dating me is she supposed to not hang with him anymore ?

Probably no reasonable person would expect her to cut him out of her life after a knowing him forever,however, if she is in an exclusive relationship with you she is obligated to extend to you some fundamental courtesies.
The first of these is to NOT to involve herself in any action or behavior which may damage her relationship with you .
The next is to keep you informed of her connections with other men (and ask your permission to meet them if the situation calls for that )

You g/f has met with a "friend" behind your back. Whether he is merely a platonic friend or not is not so important as the secrecy in their meeting and her lack of a sense of being answerable to you.

That would concern me.

 

[bukowski_merit]

this is good, how should you say this above, in a joking tone or a serious tone?

a tone that she can't really read... something in between... she can't know if you're serious or not.

if you sound too serious - she may question your sexuality.

if you sound like you're joking too much - she won't take it serious.

and what reaction should you be expecting etc? i.e. if this reaction this means that, if that reaction means sh1t test.

most women will put something like that through a filter. even if she would love to do a 3some with you and him - she will have up her ASD (anti-slut defenses). So what she says isn't so important as how she reacts the instant you say it.

I've used it twice myself.

First time, the woman made a face like she was disgusted by the idea and said "absolutely not".... When i said, "why not?" she replied "if i were ever going to do a 3some - the other person would have to be hot." ... I then quickly took the conversation into a 2 female 3some using my knowledge of how most women "will try it" but only "if the other girl isn't as hot as me."

What i learned: She didn't find the other guy to be sexually desirable. - She may be open to a 3some though.

--

The second time i used it, the woman got annoyed with me. Said, "why is everything a joke to you? Can't you be serious?" (remember, i wasn't using a joking tone)

This told me that she wanted a reaction out of me! Why does she care if i take her bringing up another guy and her going out serious? The only thing i can come up with is that she brought up this other guy and her going out to make me jealous - when she got an opposite reaction to that - it p!ssed her off.

What i learned: It was a sh!t test. It was also her trying to provoke a specific reaction (either anger or neediness out of me).

---

Don't worry about you response to her reaction; just focus on hers.

Obviously if her face lights up and she says "yeah he's hot. I'd love to" - then you either next her, or be happy you've just found yourself a swinging partner.

That's the fear a lot of guys have with using something like this... That she'll say yes, or use it as justification to fvck other guys.

But #1 - if she says yes - you found out your answer and can move accordingly.


#2 - If you understand how temptation works - you won't worry too much about her seeing this as an open door to mess around. Think of fidelity as the apple in the garden of eden.

God told woman (no, im not religious, but this story is very fitting) - you can eat anything except that apple... And eve said, "oh that tree right over there? I can eat anything else, except fruit from that tree???? I see.... hmmmmmm...."

and then with a little persuasion....

CRUNCH!

You want to avoid making other men forbidden fruit! By asking for a 3some, you're showing her you do not care about this other man; and you are taking away any excitement she may get out of seeing him.

As someone else once said: "If you tell a woman she can fvck a whole football team but she cannot wear those red socks - you can be sure she will not fvck the football team but she will wear the red socks."

 

[Da Realist]

I'd watch out for him. Even if she's known him for a while, she should have said something about him in six months, especially if this guy is her pharmacist. Even then I'd be wondering why she needs a certain guy to give her meds over another and start wondering what she's taking so much that she needs to see someone so much.

My advice is to start asking questions. People here will say to just shut up and start looking around, but if you can't ask questions in your OWN relationship you're already messing up. Now when you do, don't try to criticize her because in general people don't want to believe what they did was bad and she'll just throw up a shield; plus blaming over a perceived wrong instead of a definite wrong is being insecure.

Now if you do it right, you'll get a further understanding of what is going on one way or another. If she tries to work with you, she's golden 70% of the time. If she's gets super defensive, she's hiding something or doesn't respect you.

 

[lifemisspent]

Great feedback

Thanks to all of you , very interesting brainstorming session going on which is the purpose of this site, sharing various ideas / opinions.

Like some of you I have witnessed women tear the soul out of a man and throw it in the garbage for no reason at all, this has happened to me once and too my buddies countless number of times. I never understood why the media made men out to be the bad ones when women are far more irrational and primitive in their behaviour.

She did tell me that she went for a coffee with him which I guess is good news. There was no planning for them to get together, it was a last minute deal.

Anyways, for now Im going to stay put but withdraw a little and go out with the boys tonight and tomorrow. Ill blow her off a little in a suttle way, no big deal.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

She has knows this guy forever and been friends for a long time. Now that she is dating me is she supposed to not hang with him anymore ?

I totally diasgree of " friendships " between attached women and men ( I dont know if he is attached or not )

Well, according to your own way of looking at these things, she's is not allowed to meet up with any male, including a platonic friend. Don't know if they are platonic, but it seems like you are the one who can't handle contact between her and ANY men.

If they have known each other forever and been friends, then they are either just platonic, or had a past and are now just friends, or she has him in the bullpen, ready to go if you start to behave badly, in her view; as in the way you are acting now. Just be aware of that.

If you expect her to not have male contact and/or friendships, then this needed to be established ahead of time. There's a good chance she just went to have coffee and chat with a friend. I don't think she would tell you if it was a romantic get together. Regardless, you need to work on your insecurities, because as somebody pointed, if she's going to cheat, she either has or will, regardless if she tells you about a coffee meeting or not.

 

[frisco]

I think all these guys are taking this in the wrong direction. She has Mind ****ed you, you have lost your leadership control over the relationship. You need to gain this back, You must not show insecurity, You take control of the situation.

You have decided she is worth investing time in, SO YOU MIND **** HER.

What you should of done when She went on a coffee date was, Show genuine interest in getting to know this mystery guy. Tell her he seems like a nice guy and that she invite him out to go eat or grab some coffee. Take Lead make her feel like she must bring this nice guy around if he was cool enough to get coffee with her.

This is usually enough to make her forget about him, but if she insist and think he should come around one day and the douche has enough balls to actually show up, You AMOG the **** out of him, Make him look socially awkward, ask him questions about his girl friends, BE A ****Y MOTHER ****ER. You make him look at best Like a really nice guy, but far from a guy any girl would want to be with.

This is just my instinct, and my instinct are mostly right.

 

[zekko]

But we are not seeing anyone alse

Apparently she is.

I would not find this acceptable myself. I don't care how long they've known each other, that's not my problem. I wouldn't insist they cut all contact necessarily, but I would consider one on one meetups inappropriate.

The question you need to ask yourself is what are your standards and expectations for a girlfriend? Is this meeting your needs in a potential mate? Do you want a girlfriend who meets up with other males?

 

[frisco]

If she plays that game go and a date with another female, i have actually been in this situation before. She went out for lunch with a guy, So I hung out solo with an old female friend. She was so upset about it, But Finally she realized that she had done the same thing and promised she wouldn't do it again if i didn't. For some reason some girls actually believe going out with a guy solo is harmless and that they are just friends, But with the roles switched and me taking a girl for lunch it opens there eyes a little.