Been dating this girl for six months.........then today she tells me that last night

[lifemisspent]

She went out for a coffee with a guy friend. I have heard this guys name before , she has known him for some time and he is her pharmacist.

I had a boys night out last night, so after I told her about my night it was then that she told me what she did last night. I just blew it off and didnt say anything, almost like I didnt hear her.

What happened here ? What if she does it again ?

I totally diasgree of " friendships " between attached women and men ( I dont know if he is attached or not )

 

[amoka]

Mr Insecure. What are you afraid off? You're not good enough for her to the extend that she'll fvck another dude behind your back? How do you know she's not doing this already? The last thing you want to do is to admonish it at this stage. If her attraction level to is high, she'll not even dream of meeting another dude for a coffee. My advice to you is to withdraw from her. Stop spending so much time with her. Let her miss your more.

 

[jophil28]

She went out for a coffee with a guy friend. I have heard this guys name before , she has known him for some time and he is her pharmacist.

I had a boys night out last night, so after I told her about my night it was then that she told me what she did last night. I just blew it off and didnt say anything, almost like I didnt hear her.

What happened here ? What if she does it again ?

I totally diasgree of " friendships " between attached women and men ( I dont know if he is attached or not )

What is your understanding of your relationship with her? Are you "a couple" in an exclusive sense?

 

[lifemisspent]

Re:

Yes , we are a couple.

We've been dating for six months, the word love has never been exchanged mind you and I will never say that first.

But we are not seeing anyone alse and we do all the typical couple stuff together often involving her family which she is very close with. She introduces me as her " boyfriend ".

I have the upper hand in this relationship, she asks to see me way more than I ask to see here etc etc............

 

[maqnetik]

shes either testing you or punking you

period

:wave:

 

[jophil28]

Yes , we are a couple.

We've been dating for six months, the word love has never been exchanged mind you and I will never say that first.

But we are not seeing anyone alse and we do all the typical couple stuff together often involving her family which she is very close with. She introduces me as her " boyfriend ".

I have the upper hand in this relationship, she asks to see me way more than I ask to see here etc etc............

So "exclusivity" is assumed by both of you and has been to date?

Would she have been OK with you seeing another women for a coffee date without telling you first? How would she react ?

If it is true that she regards you as her "boyfriend" then she has cheated on you by dating the pharmacist. She has given him her phone number, and has indicated her willingness to extend their relationship beyond 'professional/ client' .
They have had a few convos about the details of where to meet and she did all this in secret behind your back. That behavior meets the definition of early cheating.

Oh, she will bleat innocently about him being "a friend" and that "nothing happened" but cheating starts long before the panties hit the carpet.

You have a problem, my friend, oh and BTW you no longer have "the upper hand", she does and if you meekly accept this date with the other guy then she has two upper hands.

 

[Falcon25]

this weekend you say this

Her; "Hey, where you going? Why you dressed up?"
You: "I'm heading out to meet my friend and a couple lady friends of his.
Her "what?, why?"
You: "No big deal, it's just a drink. It's almost the same as you going to coffee with your friend."
Her. "Oh"
You: "Bye, talk to you tomorrow morning or something"


This relationship is almost done, so the ONLY way to salvage it is to withdraw and use jealousy to your advantage.

 

[lifemisspent]

So "exclusivity" is assumed by both of you and has been to date?

Would she have been OK with you seeing another women for a coffee date without telling you first? How would she react ?

If it is true that she regards you as her "boyfriend" then she has cheated on you by dating the pharmacist. She has given him her phone number, and has indicated her willingness to extend their relationship beyond 'professional/ client' .
They have had a few convos about the details of where to meet and she did all this in secret behind your back. That behavior meets the definition of early cheating.

Oh, she will bleat innocently about him being "a friend" and that "nothing happened" but cheating starts long before the panties hit the carpet.

You have a problem, my friend, oh and BTW you no longer have "the upper hand", she does and if you meekly accept this date with the other guy then she has two upper hands.

She has knows this guy forever and been friends for a long time. Now that she is dating me is she supposed to not hang with him anymore ?

 

[mustfirstregister]

just bang her.

 

[Falcon25]

She has knows this guy forever and been friends for a long time. Now that she is dating me is she supposed to not hang with him anymore ?

I don't care if she was born in the same hospital and they grew up together for 30 yrs. She is not supposed to do it BEHIND YOUR BACK. Remember, if he's not a relative, he wants to fuvk her. I take that back, even second cousins want to fuvk your woman these days.

 

[jophil28]

I don't care if she was born in the same hospital and they grew up together for 30 yrs. She is not supposed to do it BEHIND YOUR BACK. Remember, if he's not a relative, he wants to fuvk her. I take that back, even second cousins want to fuvk your woman these days.

Yep ^^.

The secrecy involved is very telling.

However women somehow do NOT accept that they are answerable to their boyfriends, but will scream blue murder is he chats with another woman at the busstop.

If women are given a choice to openly reveal their "innocent" actions to their b/f or keep them a secret, they will choose secrecy every time.

 

[Radharc]

She has knows this guy forever and been friends for a long time. Now that she is dating me is she supposed to not hang with him anymore ?

That sort of is an important detail. That being the situation, all this doesnt have to necessarily mean foul play. I go and have cofee with old female friends sometimes, doesnt mean I want to **** them (if I am in a relationship at the moment, that is, and if I am not and she is I tend to respect that).

Meeting for a cofee to catch up once or twice a year is ok in my book. Not telling you in advance could be due to her not considering it a big deal.

That was the best case scenario.

However, if this starts to happen too often then that is a red flag and you should take a stand.

Expect the best but prepare for the worst, is one of my mottos.

Only you know all the details about the situation to make a correct assesment of whats going on.

 

[bukowski_merit]

She went out for a coffee with a guy friend. I have heard this guys name before , she has known him for some time and he is her pharmacist.

I had a boys night out last night, so after I told her about my night it was then that she told me what she did last night. I just blew it off and didnt say anything, almost like I didnt hear her.

I learned this from someone i respect greatly.

When in situations like this - say something like, "is he hot? want to do a threesome with him?"... then... WATCH HER REACTION!

You'll learn if it's a sh!t test or genuine interest from her to him.

And at that point - you move accordingly.

What happened here ?

She's most likely getting bored with your relationship and is using this guy for one of 2 reasons:

1) To get new excitement from him.
2) To get new excitement from you, by using him to make you jealous.

Honestly, i'd rather it be #1, because #2 means you're with a manipulative drama seeking woman. #1 just means you've failed at some point to maintain excitement and she's looking for it elsewhere.

What if she does it again ?

Start thinking about soft nexting her if you can't handle it (i can personally handle my women doing whatever, but that's just me.)

Soft nexting = you start playing the field again, keep her around, but downgrade her to FB status while trying to find someone to replace her (this will only work if you actually are looking for someone to replace her.)

I totally diasgree of " friendships " between attached women and men ( I dont know if he is attached or not )

To me - this is pretty weak mindset and it is rooted in insecurity. But it's common and typical among men and women who see their significant other as property.

I would say that you should have made this clear from day 1 (via storytelling) but here's the sad reality most guys can't accept:

If you tell a woman you don't approve of women who do a certain thing - all that ensures is that you won't hear about it if she decides to do that thing.

If you tell a woman not to do something or not to see someone - you can pretty much bank on her seeing that person or doing that thing, and now it'll be 10 times more exciting!

We've been dating for six months, the word love has never been exchanged mind you and I will never say that first.

hmmm.... this can very well be a sh!t test by her to see if you "love" her or not (or she could really want his **** in her mouth).

I have the upper hand in this relationship, she asks to see me way more than I ask to see her etc etc............

Wow! Am i really the only one who saw this?

Man, listen.... Few people understand this concept - but if the woman is always asking to see you that much - she is taking the leadership role in the relationship.

When she asks you to do something - how often are you available for it?
When you ask her to do something - how often is she available for it?

one of those answers should be, "rarely". The other should be, "always".

 

[wasted-nick]

If you knew nothing of it before hand, I would take this as blatant cheating and disrespect. I would walk away from her without a sound... no explanation, nothing.

My ex-wife did this to me... Went to lunch with a 'friend' - She did so behind my back knowing my stance on other-sex friends. I divorced her.

 

[loveshogun]

Steady sailing

Fix the insecurity, not the girl.

If you have a problem with a girl hanging around with a guy, you will always be having problems with girls.

If she cheats, she cheats. Move on. Become the type that no woman could ever cheat on**.

If she doesn't, good. If you know you got a good thing going, know when small fries are small fries.

After all, if she was gonna bang this guy while she's with you, nothing you can do will make her interested in you enough to not bang the guy. So it's a non-issue anyway.

**Remember this:

Being tempted does not make one a "bad person." Transgressing based on that temptation does.

I guarantee you that for every guy out there in a good relationship with a good woman, there will be a time (unless you literally lock her in the house her whole life) where she meets someone and has to tell herself "no, I can't risk the relationship I have."

And, if she's a good woman, she will immediately work on forgetting about whoever it was that made the thought even occur to her.

You know, kind of like how if you, as a good guy, are with a good woman and you have to say no to that HB9 blonde from Ireland. This is why I rarely get into LTR - temptation occurs way too frequently for me.

 

[cordoncordon]

this weekend you say this

Her; "Hey, where you going? Why you dressed up?"
You: "I'm heading out to meet my friend and a couple lady friends of his.
Her "what?, why?"
You: "No big deal, it's just a drink. It's almost the same as you going to coffee with your friend."
Her. "Oh"
You: "Bye, talk to you tomorrow morning or something"


This relationship is almost done, so the ONLY way to salvage it is to withdraw and use jealousy to your advantage.

This^^^^ What she did was cheat. No if ands or buts. I really feel for you dude as Ive had this happen to me and there really is no worse feeling. Its such drama and stress, when a relationship should be happy and fun. I would do what the guy above says, and then when she comes back with why are you doing this, you simply tell her that it was your understanding that you two were in an exclusive relationship, and that what she was was very VERY wrong in your eyes, and that you will be reevaluating the relationship and whether you want to continue it. Good luck.

 

[Tiguere]

how old are both of you?

 

[kipper034]

I rarely post here, but I'll put in my remark.

One, I think there's some contradicting theories here. A girl can LJBF a guy, and will never sleep with him. On other hand, she could, if she doesn't friend him, she'll possibly go after him. If the case is the former, nothing to worry about; after all on this site, chances of intercourse is very slim if a girl LJBFs a guy. However, if latter, oh boy, that's not good.

I think at this point, it's kind of early. I can see why you are upset, especially she did this behind your back. But it's possible he's just an orbiter. If that's the case, he doesn't have a shot with her and I think you're safe.

As I've read SS often, some truly advocate ending relationships quickly. However I think it's too premature at this point. Hence, as some posters stated, hope for best and prepare for the worst. I've broken "the rules" on this site and I've matured more through trial and error. If my gf does this, I'll act lightly for now, and casually start talking to other girls. And depending on the situation in the future, take a correct action.

The best lesson I've learned is, guarding your heart and be as rational as possible. Almost all relationship isn't smooth sailing or black/white. Good luck!

 

[kyokon]

wtf. she told you about it, dont worry. its when you find out by yourself that's the problem

 

[Chosen1]

I would tell her I don't give a fvck and keep doing what I was doing changing the subject. To be on the safe side you might want to have someone else on the side.