Been dating this girl for almost four months... no sex yet.

[Riodegrand]

Been dating this girl seriously since late February. In general I'd say our chemistry is very good. She and I are similar minded smart ppl. I am an engineer, and she is also engineer. We both have a few ex's, as expected of people who are in the mid/late 20's. We both have spent nights at each other's places before, and of course there were lots of kisses and cuddles and touches. But NEVER SEX. By that I mean either oral or vaginal. I played with her using my hands a couple times, and she seemed to enjoy it, and then I'd be shut down cold.

I tried to ask her for the reasons before, and she told me that she is not ready. But after almost 4 months and multiple dates and nights that we spent at each others' place? I feel like I am waist deep in this relationship ready to make a future with her, and she is still at shore trying to test the water.

I want to have a conversation with her but so far every time I approach her about this she seems to be too shy and unwilling to talk about it. We'd be flirting on the phone and she'd always stop cold when things gets a little hot and heavy. I feel like if sex is not spontaneous and willing and sexy and fun, then she is not committed in this relationship in the long run... AND IT'S DRIVING ME A LITTLE NUTS.

Any suggestions for me, my fellow brethrens?

 

[logicallefty]

If you are really into this chick and haven't made the BF/GF commitment yet, go have sex with another woman, and also see where things go with this one.

If you have made the BF/GF commitment, might be time to give her the ole' "this isn't working for me", and see how she reacts. If she is really into you she won't let you go.

I went through this once. Woman was 30, HB 7, and we dated for 6 months before we had sex. I really was into her and I just spun a couple other plates and waited until she was ready. Eventually we did it.

Her excuse for waiting so long? 1) She was a virgin 2) She ended up leaving me for another WOMAN. I think she hadn't had sex with a man before because she wasn't attracted to men, period. But she finally decided to try it one time with one man, ME, before admiting to herself that she was gay.

 

[Riodegrand]

Hmm... Ｉ think I am her boy friend, because Ｉ asked her to be my girl friend and she said yes. But the facebook relationship updates only have my friends liking it, which tells me that she has blocked the update from being seen by her family and friends... it's simple logic, really. She doesn't think I'd notice, silly her.

Anyways, I like this girl, a lot. I　think　Ｉ am going to wait till the end of the summer and see where she and I are at. If being together for six month won't change her mind, then I guess that would be a good indication that it never will.

I thought of having sex with other women/girls while she gets ready(mentally, emotionally, physically, or whateverly). But I have both cheated on and been cheated on before in the past. It's not the best version of me that I know I can be, and I did turn down a few offers from other girls. Right now I think I am just going to grit my teeth and do my best to give her more time.

The constant rejection is definitely building up an unhealthy dose of frustration and resentment in me tho, maybe I should have an adult conversation with her? I don't know, that seems to be like a mood destroyer. I don't want to sound like "show me you are committed in this relationship or we are done", but that's pretty much how I am feeling.

I definitely appreciate any positive advices from you awesome guys here though, thank you all very much for your patience and insights!!!

 

[Huffman]

I'd call her out. It's your right to expect sex in a relationship, and ANY SANE MAN would want it. If she's withholding it, she better have a really good reason.

I'm sure she knows that too. Call her out. Ask about her problems. If she doesn't want to open up, how can you be equal partners? Sometimes you just have to destroy "the mood" (which is not getting you anywhere anyway).

 

[MOTU]

Rio, how old are you? It doesn't show in your profile.

Bro, something is wrong with this situation. Six months and no sex means one of the following:
A) she has a very strong religious background and believes it's a sin. In this case, you'll have boring missionary sex throughout the relationship.
B) she's been sexually abused. While it's sad, you'll be doing damage control forever.
C) she understands pvssypower. She'll always control the frame.

None of these indicate a healthy relationship in the future.

 

[Tictac]

A sexless relationship after 4 months because 'she's not ready'.

That's not a relationship, it's pathology.

 

[Greasy Pig]

She may have a disease or something that's holding her back. The talk should go something like this:
"Esmerelda, it's been four months and I'm concerned about the lack of physical intimacy in our relationship. I'm a firm believer that there needs to be sex in any healthy adult relationship. I believe in it seriously enough to sit down with you and discuss it."
Then be prepared for anything from major meltdown, to her revealing she has herpes, to her spinning some bullsht.
And read Rollo's blog on chicks who withhold sex and filibuster.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear RioDeGrande,
If you are a Guy with very low Libido,then go ahead with this Girl,but only if,when married in say five years time,you are happy with Svex a couple of times a year...she aint worth waiting for believe me!

 

[Knight's Cross]

Not worth it. Any woman that's attempted to make me wait for sex, I moved on. It's a frame grab of the highest order. Any reason is bound to be problematic. Disease, religion, abuse.... The problem you have now is you've INVESTED 4 months. 4 Months of your life that could have been spent in other pursuits. I know this isn't what you want to read, but it was you need to read. Having to have a "conversation" about it? What for? You already know the future is going to be more of the same.
You're a guy, you need sex for love, and women need love for sex. Whatever is hiding behind Door #1 is not going to make you happy.
Move on.
KC

 

[VladPatton]

Yep, the guys are right. This is not worth it. You need to engineer a plan to get the fück out of this sexless relationship ASAP. Yeah it's gonna be hard, but when you're doggystylin your next sexy gf and she's goin buckwild and you can't believe how awesome it is, you're gonna be happy you got rid of that spinster. Fücking high school kids go at it quicker than this, man! You've waited 4 months, now pushing for six, it'll go to 8, next thing you know it's Valentine's Day and you're nuts are still the size of Italian rice balls.

Would you get a Harley without an engine???? Yeah you got one, so what, but you can't ride it!

Seriously man, you have the right to want what you want, and like what you like, it's been 4 months and obviously this is bothering you. And you sleep next to her at times without any banging? How the fück do you guys do it???

Ditch the Harley, get a Ducati, and take that fücker to the race track all day long!!

Best of luck to you, keep us posted.

 

[Riodegrand]

1. I do pay for all dates. It doesn't bother me much because I do make a lot of money. But now to think of it, I did recall her slipping out a "boy toy" once when we were cuddling, and I think she might have agreed to being in a relationship with me just so she can say "I have a boyfriend.".

2. I think she might also just be a really good girl, or a virgin. She doesn't do drugs, or drink a lot, or smoke. Her idea of a party is board game and cupcakes... so... idk, I guess midwestern German Irish girls aren't as sexual hahaha.

3. 4 months in and I do get a feeling that she is trying to decide if I am the right one or not... the facebook thing is definitely pissing me off.

4. You guys are right, I do need to have a conversation with her soon. One of my ex's did the same thing when we first started dating, but she eventually gave it up and our sex life was pretty amazing for the two years that we dated. Parking lot, movie theaters, beaches, we humped all over the place xD

I feel like sometimes women are under the illusion that they are in control by withholding sex. I give them that illusion while I am interested, but I am not one of those guys that get ran over by girls all the time. When I eventually lose interest I'd just move on haha. I like this one, and I really do hope she is withholding sex just because she is a virgin or a good girl.

 

[jonhaul]

What brought me to this site was a gal I dated a month we'd make out and she never put out... Then she LJBF me you're in for a lot of hurt if your hearts in it man. Take the wisdom here you may just wanna consider bailing soon. I wont put up with crap like that again personally... Sex is important to have and know with a gal you're interested in having relations with. It don't matter if shes being good or not.

Heck I was just told recently by a chick that she couldn't sexually connect with me? That crap pissed me off lol... Never been told that one by any woman! So you just never know whats going on in their heads.

 

[VikingKing]

At this point, a normal healthy girl should be begging you for it.

 

[logicallefty]

At this point, a normal healthy girl should be begging you for it.

Normal healthy girl? What is that? Or where is that?

 

[JustOlder_!]

Id dump her because your paying for it mentally. I mean, when she gives it up - your gonna earn it and then feel guilty if it does suk in bed. then you have problem which makes it harder to walk away from. Then you ask her to be your girlfriend...now she is trapped and wants out or is going to manipulate you. I don't know how old this gal is but something ain't clicken upstairs.......I don't remember when I have every waited that long til I got married. then divorced!!!

 

[nismo-4]

Would this girl make George Clooney wait 4 months before having sex? Hell no, she'd be ready in a matter of minutes.

OP, this girl needs to be dumped. You are in a different area of the friendzone. Only when a man is banging a woman is the man her boyfriend.

 

[Riodegrand]

You are in a different area of the friendzone. Only when a man is banging a woman is the man her boyfriend.

So true!!! Hahaha.

 

[Findog]

I dated a woman like this once, but I pulled the plug at 3 months. She wasn't religious, so it came down to either her having some issues, or making the ultimate power play/frame grab. I wasn't going to waste any more time finding out what exactly what her deal was. She wasn't worth it and whatever sex we might have eventually ended up having wouldn't have been worth it.

In the beginning you shouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other. Even if she were religious and is saving herself for marriage, that's like Week Two information so you can make an informed decision of what you're signing up for.

 

[Zarky]

Been dating this girl for almost four months... no sex yet.

That ain't dating, son

 

[Triumph2]

Been dating this girl seriously since late February. In general I'd say our chemistry is very good. She and I are similar minded smart ppl. I am an engineer, and she is also engineer. We both have a few ex's, as expected of people who are in the mid/late 20's. We both have spent nights at each other's places before, and of course there were lots of kisses and cuddles and touches. But NEVER SEX. By that I mean either oral or vaginal. I played with her using my hands a couple times, and she seemed to enjoy it, and then I'd be shut down cold.

I tried to ask her for the reasons before, and she told me that she is not ready. But after almost 4 months and multiple dates and nights that we spent at each others' place? I feel like I am waist deep in this relationship ready to make a future with her, and she is still at shore trying to test the water.

I want to have a conversation with her but so far every time I approach her about this she seems to be too shy and unwilling to talk about it. We'd be flirting on the phone and she'd always stop cold when things gets a little hot and heavy. I feel like if sex is not spontaneous and willing and sexy and fun, then she is not committed in this relationship in the long run... AND IT'S DRIVING ME A LITTLE NUTS.

Any suggestions for me, my fellow brethrens?

most women would be wondering if i was gay if it took this long, she might have you in the long term "provider" roll , if you want more quit using logic get her emotions going, hair pulling etc then close.