Becoming successful with women is a paradox

[tesla8520]

In the first stage, you're an AFC, completely unaware of signs of interest, how women communicate, what actually makes a man attractive, and so on.
In the second stage, the angry phase, you're constantly on high alert. You're analyzing every sign of interest, overthinking women's behavior, and constantly looking for validation that you're making progress toward the life you want.
Then comes the third stage. You stop caring about all of that again, but this time it's different. You're now aware of how things work, and in many ways you return to the mindset of stage one.

The difference is that you're no longer a "nice guy" or an AFC.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but in stage one, even though you were an AFC, you were focused on things other than women.

You put 100% of your energy into your work, your hobbies, your education, or your goals. When women showed interest, you were the stereotypical guy who completely missed the signals. You missed them because your attention was somewhere else.
You were fully invested in your own life.

I've always wondered why men seem to work this way. It's almost like an on/off switch.
The men who flip the switch to "off", shutting out everything around them so they can focus entirely on their own lives, will miss a lot of signals and interests from women, only to know 2 or 4 years after they "had a crush on him".

Ironically, though, they're on the right path.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Unable to focus on their life until they completely ignore the world around?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because most people are not willing to put in the effort to get the results they actually want.

They put in some sub-standard effort or the effort they "think" should get them what they want and when that doesn't work, they simply give up like a little whiny b!tch.

If you want something in life, you go fvcking get it and you have to be willing to put in the amount of work that it requires, not the amount of work you are willing to put in. Those two things are almost always vastly different.

And for many guys starting from zero, the amount of work they need to put in and the time it will take to recognize improvements to obtain results regularly is a lot. They will also have long periods where the work they are putting in isn't getting them the results they want...similar to the people who grind in darkness on a business and then all of a sudden 8 years later they suddenly become millionaires "overnight" when it finally takes off.

It didn't happen overnight, it's just that nobody saw them grinding for years in obscurity putting the work and effort in to get to that level.

As a man, if you want something then you have to be willing to put that type of work in regardless of what it is. Women, finances, career, etc...

Nothing is handed to you, success in each of those domains has its own terms that you must navigate and commit to achieving. What you are willing to do has no relevancy.

 

[tesla8520]

This reminds me a lot of how a beta bux man puts in a lot of effort precisely because he knows that through that commitment to his work he can receive benefits like "sex" and "companionship," only to discover the pill later.

At that point, commitment loses all meaning and he ends it.

That's the gist of it... You need an adjustment period to get used to it again and understand that you have to commit to yourself and not anyone else.

That said, not all men know "what they want."
That's precisely the problem. It's finding out what you want, man, then it's like the gym: you just have to go and stick to a regular routine.

 

[Mike32ct]

I remember Stage 1. I was that way in college, 100% focused on academics, but was oblivious to women. Dating seemed alien to me and definitely something for “other people.”

According to contemporary RP theory, I should have been attracting women then because I was “focused on my purpose.” That wasn’t the case. I was invisible to them.

We didn’t have RP back then, but I fell for the equivalent advice of “It happens when you least expect it.” That also wasn’t the case lol.

Then came a long Stage 2 of studying this stuff endlessly and experiencing it firsthand in real life.

Now it’s Stage 3 which is just a cynical version of Stage 1 lol.

 

[crowolf]

I've noticed this, too. It's like a circle, or rather a spiral.

Only I'd disagree that the AFC is as conscious and driven, as you describe it.

Here they talked about this thing - being focused on your own thing/path, and how women love that. I think around (or after) 40 min.

There was also some reel where someone gave the advice (or rather challenge) for guys to wear a fake wedding ring and act married for a week. And see how it has the effect of creating attraction.

Maybe it has to do more with preselection, but the non-needy, not chasing and being thirsty part definitely plays a part.

 

[Mike32ct]

I've noticed this, too. It's like a circle, or rather a spiral.

Only I'd disagree that the AFC is as conscious and driven, as you describe it.

Here they talked about this thing - being focused on your own thing/path, and how women love that. I think around (or after) 40 min.

There was also some reel where someone gave the advice (or rather challenge) for guys to wear a fake wedding ring and act married for a week. And see how it has the effect of creating attraction.

Maybe it has to do more with preselection, but the non-needy, not chasing and being thirsty part definitely plays a part.

Fair point. I was exclusively focused on grades and learning engineering theory to detriment of everything else. While I loathe the phrase “be well rounded,” there are multiple areas of our lives that we have to work on simultaneously.

And preselection is probably one of them. Or at least having a mixed-gender social circle rather than just guy friends.

 

[Manure Spherian]

You put 100% of your energy into your work, your hobbies, your education, or your goals.

Pretty much a lousy idea for men who don’t have high-status or high-exposure jobs.

Why would one do this if he wants a woman?