Before I begin, let me just say I haven't read any of the PUA methodology, the DJ bible, or anyone else’s style, etc, because I've perfected my own through years of battles on the "front lines". Essentially, I’ve developed my style from watching human behavior (even children interact with each other), understanding genetics, studying a TON of philosophers/philosophies (eastern and western), studying different psychologists, traveling a ton, and through years and years of trial and error. I'm a fan of human behavior, and when you have a really good grasp of it, things tend to have a lot more clarity; it's a great way of somewhat "predicting" certain outcomes in “controlled” environments. They key is learning how to “control” your environment as best you can. That said, after reading this board the past week, I've noticed a few similarities between my style and that of others, but I also go against the grain on some things, in particular, the prescribed PUA approach to handling this.
JoeKerr and I have a similar approach here, however I'm a tad more hard-core. I'm a big fan of playing on a woman's insecurities in order to "turn the screw". Meaning, you have to punish their Psyche on a subconscious level to have them doubting themselves, and to really get them thinking about the way other people (men in general) view them. This is a method I've dubbed "medieval torture methods"
I take a purely Zen approach to situations like this, and the keys are 1. Preparation. 2. Discipline (very important). 3. Suppress all emotion and show restraint (important). 4. Patience. Two and three are EXTREMELY important, because they allow you to view the world through clear conscious eyes, not through the eyes of what you wish or want. When you view the world - or a particular women - through the eyes of wishes and wants, one tends to make emotional responses, which will oft-times cloud your judgment. The key is to stay in the realm of reality, show extreme restraint, and then be able to say to yourself in a split second, "If this were me, what would I not “expect” to hear from this person if gave that same response"? And, "What could this person say that would leave me completely flustered - what would put me at a loss for words"? And best yet (my own personal favorite), "What words would do the most damage to me psychologically"?
In her mind, she will have gone through many different scenarios (how you will react), and she will have acted some of them out. Once acting them out in her head, she will be prepared to have responses of her own that will be of either come in the emotional or verbal variety. That’s just how the mind works. So what do you do? Essentially, you do the "exact opposite" of what she would've expected. Give her a response the "average" mind does not prepare for.
Her: "I think you're a great guy, but I like you only as a friend, yada, yada". (At this point, her mind expects to see either one or a few of these responses: anger, confusion, sadness, shock, a phony laugh, questions of why, stuttering - stammering, nervousness, you kicking her to the curb and not wanting to be friends, or you acting like a COMPLETE @sshole pretending to not be bothered)
Me: <sighing with chuckle - and saying this in a very calm voice, with a slight smile> "Do you realize I've been racking my brain for the better part of three weeks trying to figure out a way to tell you the exact same thing ???" The key is to say this in a very calm voice, with strong eye contact; and for added effect, hold her hand whilst saying it. This adds to the pseudo sincerity.
Me: Cont'd "I've been speaking to Charles, Rick, and James about how I should tell you, and I even got a female perspective from Sarah and Jennifer (friends she's never met of course). They've all been through this recently, and they've been giving me advice. We all assumed you would be an mental wreck, given that you oft-times have an aura about you of being somewhat emotionally fragile - I hope you don't mind, but I did tell them a few personal things about you. But I must admit, I was terrified at how you would've responded because you remind us so much of our friend Dana who COMPLETELY lost it and went haywire after a guy she was dating told her he wanted to only be friends a few months back. But I’m really glad we’ve gotten past this”
By using this method, you will have accomplished a few important things. 1. You would’ve thrown her off kilter because this would have been a response her brain could never fathom. 2. You will have seared her emotionally because not only would you give her the perception of wanting to leave her first (important power play), you would’ve sent a subtle message to her that you think she’s “lacking” emotionally, and could be quite unstable. And not only do you have that perception, many others do as well, given that she know knows your friends” had similar thoughts. 3. Her self-esteem will tank, because lets be honest, who wants to hear that most people think they’re unstable? She’ll constantly wonder if “everyone” views her in a similar light, and she’ll spend the next few months – years even - seeking validation from anyone who’ll give it to her. And the beauty of this is, the more she thinks about what you said to her, and more importantly HOW you said it (calm demeanor and tone) the more it’ll grate at her. It’ll fester and continue to grow inside of her like a germ. 4. Here’s the genius of it all. She can’t respond angrily because you will have said it with such “sincerity”, and such ‘kindness. And remember, you just said all of your friends “expected” her to “lose it emotionally, so she won’t be able to play into your carefully contrived “stereotype”. All she can do is grit her teeth and bare it. And to pour salt and vinegar into her wounds, she will have already given you the “I think you’re such a great guy speech. The results? Complete mental flux – internal turmoil – and in the end, her blood will boil – nuclear meltdown.
After saying all of this, don’t even give her a chance to properly respond – it’ll keep her off- balanced. This is key, because her mind and body will need to adjust to what happened, and it will need to relieve themselves by getting more information. You want to leave her COMPLETELY hanging, so just say, “I’m glad we had this talk, but I gotta run”. And to turn the screw even more, before leaving, give her a really tight manly hug, and a kiss her on the cheek. Then look her square in the eye, and say, “Don’t be a stranger – remember we’re friends so call me sometimes - we’ll hang out – I got the first round of drinks”.
The result? You will have destroyed her ego, you will have shattered her self-esteem, and you will have cut from psyche all the power she “thought she had” with the precision of a surgeon. And you will have done all of this under the guise of being a “friend” who meant well. Medieval Torture methods my friends. Knight takes Queen. Checkmate!!
Or, if you are 100% certain she’s going to LJBF you, hit her with a preemptive strike, and LJBF her to get the upper hand by inacting medieval methodology. It’s even more powerful than the method above – but that’s another lesson, for another day.
He who loves/cares the least, or gives the "perception" of loving/caring the least (oh yes, it can be faked if you're disciplined), controls the relationship. Which means, said individual will also have the most power. And leaving with the most power is key. By using medieval methodologies in the scenarios mentioned above, you will have sent that powerful subconscious message.
