"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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bardender giving shots?

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realsmoothie

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OK, so the last two times I've been to this club one of the bartenders (a late 20=something girl, cute) has given me shots.

Once was late in the night. I ordered a double-something, she just kind of threw down a Jag and gave it to me.

Tonight, I got there earlier, I order a double-something, she says "you wanna do Jag shots with me?" I never see her do a shot, but there's one there sitting there for me, I put the thing down.

So I've been doing the club thing for 12+ years, never had a bartender give me shots for free. I'm not thinking she's hot for me or anything, but is she just dipping for future tips?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Vulpine

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Oh yeah, she's working you.

I adopted a "No Bartender" rule. Bartending is a lifestyle. I want to be a bartender, but I don't want to expose my genitals to one.

Where do you live, smoothie?
 
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realsmoothie

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Vulpine said:
Oh yeah, she's working you.

I adopted a "No Bartender" rule. Bartending is a lifestyle. I want to be a bartender, but I don't want to expose my genitals to one.

Where do you live, smoothie?
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It's not that I'm interested in her. I'm just wondering if I'm being "played" as you call it. I mean, she is hot, but not my type.

Wierdly enough, I was out at another bar a while ago, and one of the bartenders from this first bar came over and started talking to me like she recognized me. I didn't recognize her, and this girl was SMOKING hot. So I wondered if there was a play there, too. It makes sense.

I live on the West Coast of Canada, by the way. That's about as specific as I'll get... ;)
 
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DJDamage

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realsmoothie said:
It's not that I'm interested in her. I'm just wondering if I'm being "played" as you call it. I mean, she is hot, but not my type.
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How are you being played if she is giving you free drinks? Stop being suspecious of people who show genuine interest in you.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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realsmoothie

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As my friend last night said, maybe she's looking for me to come back to HER and give her bigger tips.

It's the bar industry, I'm always suspect of sh*t like this.
 
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Vulpine

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That's it smoothie.

If you tip, or tip decent, she wants you to come to her or wait for her or reward you for your good behavior.

Try going back and not tipping her - watch the perceived IL go right in the dumper... and the drinks get weaker.

Bartenders know sex sells. To me, bartenders would be strippers if they didn't look nasty with their clothes off, so they put a bottle of booze in their hand. Same fuxing thing.
 
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Panda 2000

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What like body shots?
 
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realsmoothie

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I guess it's like any other service position. You treat them well, they'll treat you well.

That's why I always tip decently. But I don't tip hot girls more than anyone else.

Anyhow... it's not like I mind in this particular case! I'll throw in an extra fifty cents if it means she gets to me first or makes sure my drink is nice and strong.
 
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djbr

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Vulpine said:
Bartenders know sex sells. To me, bartenders would be strippers if they didn't look nasty with their clothes off, so they put a bottle of booze in their hand. Same fuxing thing.
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That IS all there is to say.

Damn, this is 250% true in Brazil. It's RARE to have a beautiful bartender around here.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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PRMoon

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Awesome! That means she at LEAST likes you as a friend or thinks you're an alright person. bartenders have given me free shots for quite some time, and i can tell you, be it girl or guy, they're down to party with you if they're passin you shots. If it's a place you like, STAY ON THAT SH*T! The absolute worst that can happen is she gives you more free drinks! That's a victory no matter how you slice it!
 
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rrrrr

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realsmoothie said:
It's not that I'm interested in her. I'm just wondering if I'm being "played" as you call it. I mean, she is hot, but not my type.

Wierdly enough, I was out at another bar a while ago, and one of the bartenders from this first bar came over and started talking to me like she recognized me. I didn't recognize her, and this girl was SMOKING hot. So I wondered if there was a play there, too. It makes sense.

I live on the West Coast of Canada, by the way. That's about as specific as I'll get... ;)
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realsmoothie, you sound like me right now, any girl that shows interest in you is trying to get attention out of you. It's a bad mindset.
 
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