"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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bardender giving shots?

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realsmoothie

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OK, so the last two times I've been to this club one of the bartenders (a late 20=something girl, cute) has given me shots.

Once was late in the night. I ordered a double-something, she just kind of threw down a Jag and gave it to me.

Tonight, I got there earlier, I order a double-something, she says "you wanna do Jag shots with me?" I never see her do a shot, but there's one there sitting there for me, I put the thing down.

So I've been doing the club thing for 12+ years, never had a bartender give me shots for free. I'm not thinking she's hot for me or anything, but is she just dipping for future tips?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Vulpine

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Oh yeah, she's working you.

I adopted a "No Bartender" rule. Bartending is a lifestyle. I want to be a bartender, but I don't want to expose my genitals to one.

Where do you live, smoothie?
 
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realsmoothie

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Vulpine said:
Oh yeah, she's working you.

I adopted a "No Bartender" rule. Bartending is a lifestyle. I want to be a bartender, but I don't want to expose my genitals to one.

Where do you live, smoothie?
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It's not that I'm interested in her. I'm just wondering if I'm being "played" as you call it. I mean, she is hot, but not my type.

Wierdly enough, I was out at another bar a while ago, and one of the bartenders from this first bar came over and started talking to me like she recognized me. I didn't recognize her, and this girl was SMOKING hot. So I wondered if there was a play there, too. It makes sense.

I live on the West Coast of Canada, by the way. That's about as specific as I'll get... ;)
 
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DJDamage

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realsmoothie said:
It's not that I'm interested in her. I'm just wondering if I'm being "played" as you call it. I mean, she is hot, but not my type.
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How are you being played if she is giving you free drinks? Stop being suspecious of people who show genuine interest in you.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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realsmoothie

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As my friend last night said, maybe she's looking for me to come back to HER and give her bigger tips.

It's the bar industry, I'm always suspect of sh*t like this.
 
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Vulpine

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That's it smoothie.

If you tip, or tip decent, she wants you to come to her or wait for her or reward you for your good behavior.

Try going back and not tipping her - watch the perceived IL go right in the dumper... and the drinks get weaker.

Bartenders know sex sells. To me, bartenders would be strippers if they didn't look nasty with their clothes off, so they put a bottle of booze in their hand. Same fuxing thing.
 
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Panda 2000

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What like body shots?
 
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realsmoothie

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I guess it's like any other service position. You treat them well, they'll treat you well.

That's why I always tip decently. But I don't tip hot girls more than anyone else.

Anyhow... it's not like I mind in this particular case! I'll throw in an extra fifty cents if it means she gets to me first or makes sure my drink is nice and strong.
 
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djbr

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Vulpine said:
Bartenders know sex sells. To me, bartenders would be strippers if they didn't look nasty with their clothes off, so they put a bottle of booze in their hand. Same fuxing thing.
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That IS all there is to say.

Damn, this is 250% true in Brazil. It's RARE to have a beautiful bartender around here.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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PRMoon

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Awesome! That means she at LEAST likes you as a friend or thinks you're an alright person. bartenders have given me free shots for quite some time, and i can tell you, be it girl or guy, they're down to party with you if they're passin you shots. If it's a place you like, STAY ON THAT SH*T! The absolute worst that can happen is she gives you more free drinks! That's a victory no matter how you slice it!
 
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rrrrr

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realsmoothie said:
It's not that I'm interested in her. I'm just wondering if I'm being "played" as you call it. I mean, she is hot, but not my type.

Wierdly enough, I was out at another bar a while ago, and one of the bartenders from this first bar came over and started talking to me like she recognized me. I didn't recognize her, and this girl was SMOKING hot. So I wondered if there was a play there, too. It makes sense.

I live on the West Coast of Canada, by the way. That's about as specific as I'll get... ;)
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realsmoothie, you sound like me right now, any girl that shows interest in you is trying to get attention out of you. It's a bad mindset.
 
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