"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Bad Dreams About Rejection

2c2bt

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I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I feel like I am subconsciously prone to rejection, and this is being made clear in my dreams.

The last 2 nights, I have had dreams about women rejecting me.
In fact, these types of dreams reoccur often. Not exactly the same dream. Totally different in fact, but the same theme. Women rejecting me.
It's terrible.

There have been times when I have been at my best with women, and my dreams exemplify this by women liking me. But almost every time I dream about hit girls, it is about them turning me down, rejecting me, etc.

My goal is to change my subconscious into a Don Juan that all babes love.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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tmpgstx

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It is tough to do. The only way is to literally have no self-doubt. Mine isn't about rejection but about cheating. My long-terms all started as ONs and resulted in her cheating later.

Lesson 1: Never LTR a girl that you had a ONS with. NEVER!

Lesson 2: Don't doubt yourself. Any passing thoughts of doubt are just that, BS! Let them go. Use blind faith.

It's physiological more than anything. Sort of like an anxiety that happens when finding out she cheated on you (or in your case rejection). The same feeling consumes you in similar situations. Let them go and press forward with what you know. Do it with confidence and poise. Capitalize on the small successes creating many more.

A good example of letting doubtful thoughts go and replacing with empowering no self-doubt thoughts would be the Evander Holyfield vs. Mike Tyson fight I.

I'm not advocating for either boxer, happen to like both. In any case, by reviewing Evander's demeanor and body actions on YouTube, you'll see he is full of self-doubt. It's written all over him.

If you keep watching him, his attitude changes from night to day. He recollects his thoughts and comes across very confident, just in time before the fight. He ended up dominating.

Imagine now if he'd continued on with his self-doubting. He probably would have been knocked out with a big shot.
 

Obsidian

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Well, nice. This way, you don't even have to actually APPROACH to gain from the experience. You can desensitize yourself in your sleep!
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

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tmpgstx

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I have good news and bad news.

First, the bad news:

In order to get over this fear, you will have to go out and approach A LOT, which will result in a lot of rejections.

The good news:

If you don't give up, no matter how many times you fail, you will succeed and while you will still get rejected, they won't hurt as much and you will get many more successes
It worked for Micheal Jordan with Basketball. Approaching alot does make you look pathetic though. Any girl worth her salt is going to notice. The only way it works is at the club scene and even then you're going to just get a girl who would give it up to most anyone anyhow.
 

2c2bt

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Thanks! Great advice. I do notice when I get out, I typically get good responses from girls. And great dreams. For some reason, when I do not go out often, I get these screwed up dreams of rejection. My HUGEST sticking point is that girls tend to be attracted and enthusiastic about me at first impressions, but when I open my mouth, and start talking, it all goes down the drain. Then the effect on me is that I become afraid to say anything out of fear of screwing it up, and screw it up anyway because I didn't say anything.
 

Serialized3

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I don't even know how I got over my fear of rejection. I guess one day I just stopped giving a fck what strangers thought of me and started living in my own world.
 

Falcon

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I remember reading once that you can sometimes realize you are dreaming yet not wake up. When you do, you can take full control of your dream. Haven't experienced it first hand but have heard it from multiple sources.
 

Crank_It_Up

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nobody likes rejection, but to avoid it, you have also avoid girls. Since that is out of the question, you just have to make the best of it and shrug it off when it happens. Look at all the girls you reject (the girls you never approach for one reason or another) they survived didn't they? So will you.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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(Disclaimer: I'm a KJ and also have similar issues as this poster - so I'm talking to both the OP and myself with these following ideas - ideas could be credited to information sent from John Alanis - his version of creating attracting women is to convey authority - to have authority over rejection requires a frame-change - you qualify her rather than her rejecting you. Rejection is a mind of SCARCITY, Qualifying is a mind of ABUNDANCE - there are many girls out there - focus on who can qualify with you rather than settling with whomever is going to take you on and worrying about rejection).

First of all, let's define rejection here - you are talking about Interest Level - it's not a girl 'rejecting' you, because she probably rejects EVERYONE that doesn't stand out and presents himself DIFFERENT from the other guys.

So, the question is, what makes you DIFFERENT from any other guy, and WHY would she choose you rather than choose any other guy, or choose a guy at all?

That's called a Unique Selling Proposition (USP), and is a value you have to display or convey to her that you have a USP and are not like other guys out there. You are not a wuss, and you are not a jerky cheat or player - you are that special guy that she is looking for and it's her loss if she has an error in judgement or is unable to make the right judgement to choose you. So, the first step to fight these thoughts is to find out your own personal USP - once you figure that out then you just have to communicate it to your targets/prospects.

Furthermore, there is another concept is that instead of worrying about her rejecting you - what you should be worried about is your time, since it is limited - and what makes HER worthy (other than the fact she's not rejecting you) of YOUR time? Why not have a list of what an ideal person it is your looking for and have her qualify herself to you when she asks you what you are looking for in a woman - if you get that far in convo.

These ideas get you into the right frame of mind so you dont get in her frame - rejection means you are subject to her frame of thoughts - qualifying makes her subject to your frame of mind - so it's best to start with some fluff talk (and work on random strangers to get used to fluff) and follow it up by seeing how she qualifies to be with you -- if you like her, then you tell her - she's entertaining to you and possibly worth your time - then you move to close.

Let's put this over: Steps to qualify a woman you are meeting.

- You see an attractive woman --- she initially qualifies to you physically. No-brainer.
(check) --- your respond by approaching her (do not compliment her or remark as an approach already says that indirectly).

- You engage in fluff talk (small-talk - but try to keep it on the environment and more emotional/sexual rather than logical) --- you qualify her to see if she can engage in a nominal convo, how her tone of voice is, if there can be a connection at the most basic level. Do kino tests too in approach/talk. (check) -- if she qualfies - then remark on how she sounds intelligent and gifted and may be more than just another pretty face and tell her your are impressed so far - then follow the next one -

- You test her out to see if she's a prude or a normal sexual girl. (i.e. find out what she's really into and turn it into something romantic/sexual, and say wow - that really gives me a hard-on, or whatever you can think of -- see if she's uncomfortable or encourages it). Continue kino on a push-pull basis and see how far it goes -- do not close yet, just escalate - as you are kino-qualifying her too.

She passes these tests - you have an attractive, intelligent girl who can laugh at your jokes, you can have fun with, and who is not a prude and you can be potentially sexual with and who is obviously enjoying your company - then just close it.

To close it - you say you enjoy her company and think she 'may' be worthy of your time as it's difficult to find a decent women out there -- and cry down how most women are superficial, confused and dont know what they want, and how she's different and impresses you as more than just another girl with a pretty face - and this will probably stand out further than all those other compliments and hit-on other guys have bombarded her with during the day and actually 'mean' something to her.

If she fails any of these tests, or doesn't cooperate with you, then she doesn't fall into the category of the type of girl you'd want to be with anyway - and of course, not every girl is going to qualify, actually only a few would - so - get the term rejection out of your mind as it's her frame - but qualify into your mind -as it's YOUR frame and it's what you do.

Again - if EVERY woman qualifies with you - and you are just worried about rejection - then doesn't that make you a bit crazy - and wont you convey yourself as a any other hungry desperate man that only cares about how someone looks like if you dont qualify - so you have to qualify.

Now - some core concepts are from John Analis, but I extrapolated the rest of it - but you can see by changing the frame where you are in control that rejection throughts could be history.
 
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