Back in the game and new to the 'manosphere'.

TheNewStyle123

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Hi everyone! I want to take you through my first date since my divorce applying the principles of 'The Rationale Male' and all of the great advice seen here on sosuave.com. I got married at 24 years old (27 now) and just recently divorced my wife as I found out she was cheating on me for the 2nd time in our relationship (fool me once, right?).

Anyways - I'm in a way better place now and could honestly care less. I am happy to finally become my own man, learn independence, work on myself, and meet new people as I am new to the town I am currently living in.

So here we go:


I had been using Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble for about a week when suddenly this woman (we'll call her J) matches with me. We talk for a few texts back and forth and I decide to cut to the chase and ask for her number to 'get her off the app' (a recommendation made by a friend who also opened my eyes to the Rationale Male) and she replies "handsome and smart :)" along with her number.

We text back and forth a few times and I end up asking her to get a drink with me Monday night (it was Sunday morning at the time. I know I should of demonstrated limited availability to really get the hook in her, but hey, she offered Monday night and she was a HOTTIE). She accepts. We meet up at a local tavern and she is JUST like her pictures. I am very happy. (Quick side note guys: up until this point I had only had sex with 5 women in my life.. married young remember? And for the first time in my life I feel more confident and attractive than I ever have; mostly due to the fact that I swallowed the red pill and consider myself a disciple of Rollo now. But I would be lying to you if I didn't say I was a little nervous first meeting this girl, after all, she was hot and I hadn't gone on a first date in 7 years since meeting my ex). Anyways, let's continue.

I quickly get over my nerves when I hear the teachings of the great Patrice O'Neal ringing in my ears "YOU'RE BETTER THAN HER". If you don't know the joke, or Patrice O'Neal, you need to YouTube "Patrice O'Neal women advice" after reading this.. but I digress. What Patrice is saying, simply put, is that we as men have so much more to offer women than they have to offer us. We need to be funny, successful, confident, charismatic, charming, financially stable, have high social status... you get the point. But in the end, what do we REALLY want from women? All of those aforementioned qualities for men would be a nice addition, but we really just want *****. We want to ****. Even if she sucks at conversation and can't stop talking about being a dog mom or a frequent at Trader Joe's, we still want to ****. This girl was definitely not the worst conversationist I have ever dealt with, but immediately I calmed down and thought: "Just listen. Do 90% of the listening and let her ramble about whatever she wants. I'm sure she has hardly (if ever) had a guy just sit and let her talk. They probably compliment her all night and try to go in for the kill too early". So... I listened. I talked a little too, but mostly listened.

At some point during our conversation she brought up how embarrassed she was about the size of her hands. Bingo. Perfect time to get a physical interaction. I say "No way! Are they bigger than mine?!" putting my hand up. She places her hand on mine and for the first time during the night we touch. I know this seems like something small, but to me that physical interaction was a subtle way of getting closer to her rather than just talking. After last call (9PM because of COVID...) she looks at me and says "Do you want to come meet my dog?! I live 5 minutes away". **** yeah I want to meet her dog...

We head over to J's place and hang out for a while. She is actually pretty cool (and did I mentioned hottest girl I have ever taken on a date?) but very insecure. It's easy to play of her insecurities with jokes, teasing, and subtle (NOT over the top) compliments. I bring up dancing (I absolutely love to dance and have been wanting to learn some new styles for a while) and she says that she dances bachata and could teach me. We start dancing in her apartment to the music and I go in for the kiss when we lock eyes. But.... she kind of brushes her lips across mine and turns her head, almost in a teasing fashion. I was a little confused and thought "wow, I have really been reading these signals wrong." But keeping in mind my Rationale Male teachings, and knowing that a woman's imperative is to change her mind at any minute, I thought "ok, this isn't over yet. The night is young." We continue to dance with no success kissing and then continue talking and hanging out in her living room.

She mentions she USED TO BE A STRIPPER and starts showing me some 'floor moves'. Guys, you have to understand I HAD ONLY HAD SEX WITH 5 WOMEN UP TO THIS POINT AND I AM RECENTLY DIVORCED. This **** just doesn't happen on a Monday night. Even writing this I still feel like I'm making it up and it actually didn't happen to ME. But I wouldn't lie to my fellow DJ's like that. So, as she is essentially stripping in her apartment I am watching in wonder. My back is against the couch and I am sitting on the floor with my legs outstretched. After her 'routine' she begins to walk across the living room towards her dog. I figure "eh, she going to go pet the little guy and we'll probably keep talking". Suddenly I see one of her legs step right across mine and plant onto the ground. Remember, I'm sitting on the ground with my back against the couch and she's standing. Essentially this girl's ***** is starting right at me (fully clothed however). She begins to slowly squat down until her eyes meet mine. I think I got her signal...

I grab her and start kissing her FINALLY. She makes a joke about how long it took me, and I mention the failed kiss when dancing. She denies it happened and says "no way! you didn't try that!" (Women are hilarious aren't they?) Anyways, the night did not end at kissing and I can finally say I have had sex with 6 women in my life. Many more to come too! After we went at it twice I ended up kissing her goodbye (she wanted me to stay but I felt leaving would make me seem more independent, ambiguous, and alpha), drove home at 3AM, and even made it to work the next day by 9.

That's my story boys. I am very excited to be a part of the manosphere and to of found out about The Rationale Male and this website. These teachings have helped me tremendously, especially entering the game again after 7 years. Life would be meaningless without reflection, so here are my personal critiques/takeaways:


PROS:
I was confident, charismatic, paid for the drinks and apps (that's a must), made great eye contact, made her laugh, arrived 10 minutes early and chatted up the server who was flirty with me as well (this is a bonus because you demonstrate social value/skills, confidence, and personability to your date by getting in good with your server/bartender), didn't talk about myself too much, listened 90% of the time, and paid compliments to her (not too much/over the top).

CONS:
I could have attempted to seal the deal with the kiss sooner than I did, and/or I could have tried again to kiss her while dancing in a more covert way.


Overall, I'll give my performance a solid 8.5/10. Not bad for a newly divorced 27 year old.



- Matt
 

Serenity

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She mentions she USED TO BE A STRIPPER and starts showing me some 'floor moves'.
I hope you used protection and have no intention of having any sort of serious relationship with her. Guess it's fine for some sex though.

Not sure what the deal is with the kissing, possibly a sh!t test to see how you'd react to rejection. You passed though.

Good job and welcome to the forum!
 

TheNewStyle123

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I hope you used protection and have no intention of having any sort of serious relationship with her. Guess it's fine for some sex though.

Not sure what the deal is with the kissing, possibly a sh!t test to see how you'd react to rejection. You passed though.

Good job and welcome to the forum!
Oh ALWAYS bring a condom! And yes, I am happy to say I passed. Thank you buddy!
 

Robert28

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The hardest part for me on first date is letting them do 90% of the talking. I don’t know why but that’s always been my biggest issue.
 

TheNewStyle123

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The hardest part for me on first date is letting them do 90% of the talking. I don’t know why but that’s always been my biggest issue.
It's really hard man! I'm a physical therapist so I listen to peoples problems and life stories for a living.. hahaha lots of practice.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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I think there are many women who just do stripping for a short time as kind of an ego thing, being a stripper full time means living a certain lifestyle from the things you eat, to the work outs, perform, probably bang for money or worse, for free lmao...

Im sure you'll be fine but personally we can get free std tests here so I get one after every sexual encounter I have
 

TheNewStyle123

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I think there are many women who just do stripping for a short time as kind of an ego thing, being a stripper full time means living a certain lifestyle from the things you eat, to the work outs, perform, probably bang for money or worse, for free lmao...

Im sure you'll be fine but personally we can get free std tests here so I get one after every sexual encounter I have
Good advice. Yeah she said she did it for a short time to make some extra cash. She had a NICE place and a lot of Prada. Apparently there is this guy that will still occasionally see her and pay for her food and give her cash JUST TO TALK TO HIM AND LISTEN. She pulled like $1500 cash out of her purse and said he gave it to her like 2 weeks ago for listening to his problems. The dude is like 60. That's wild.
 

TheNewStyle123

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I hope you used protection and have no intention of having any sort of serious relationship with her. Guess it's fine for some sex though.

Not sure what the deal is with the kissing, possibly a sh!t test to see how you'd react to rejection. You passed though.

Good job and welcome to the forum!
So I want to offer to make this girl food next Friday (I love to cook and with COVID it's hard to go out here). I don't have ANY intentions of dating this girl, but I think it would be fun to go over, cook her food, and fvck again. Do you think that's giving her the wrong impression? And even if it is, do you think it's scummy of me to do that and if she wants to progress further deny her? (You can tell I haven't done this in a while). I just like doing nice things for women, especially if they are attractive and reciprocate (sex, also cooking, favors, etc.). This is stuff my wife NEVER did - so it's nice. I am trying not to get ONEitis with this girl either by lining up another date this week.
 

Serenity

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Do you think that's giving her the wrong impression?
Maybe. Personally I would just tell her I'm looking for fun and casual, nothing serious, but I hate lying and leading people on. I'm more "here I am, this is what I want". You can still cook food and share a bottle of wine alongside having some hot sex, even though you never want to get serious.

I prefer being clear about my intentions and I don't like when others are unclear about theirs. Sure, it will cause a few losses to be honest, but leading a woman on just for sex isn't my kind of kink. I'd rather have one who's also just looking for casual, there's plenty out there.

Ultimately that's your choice, there's pros and cons with both options.
 

Blacksheep

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This is such a great experience man. Keep enjoying meeting new woman.

Remember to protect yourself and NEVER went to a serious relationship with girls from those apps.

Also as you recently divorced, there will be times you may feel lonely or periods you wont hook up with women. Dont desperate yourself at that moment... Cause in this moments we tend to go and attach to the first woman that wants to have a LTR with.

Imo, being single is a way better, less stressful/risky than having a LTR. But it also have some cons.

And be aware of red flags that can put you at risk. There are some crazy ladies out there.
 

TheNewStyle123

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Maybe. Personally I would just tell her I'm looking for fun and casual, nothing serious, but I hate lying and leading people on. I'm more "here I am, this is what I want". You can still cook food and share a bottle of wine alongside having some hot sex, even though you never want to get serious.

I prefer being clear about my intentions and I don't like when others are unclear about theirs. Sure, it will cause a few losses to be honest, but leading a woman on just for sex isn't my kind of kink. I'd rather have one who's also just looking for casual, there's plenty out there.

Ultimately that's your choice, there's pros and cons with both options.
Great advice man!!
 

TheNewStyle123

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This is such a great experience man. Keep enjoying meeting new woman.

Remember to protect yourself and NEVER went to a serious relationship with girls from those apps.

Also as you recently divorced, there will be times you may feel lonely or periods you wont hook up with women. Dont desperate yourself at that moment... Cause in this moments we tend to go and attach to the first woman that wants to have a LTR with.

Imo, being single is a way better, less stressful/risky than having a LTR. But it also have some cons.

And be aware of red flags that can put you at risk. There are some crazy ladies out there.
Very sound advice man thank you. My cousin has been giving me very similar advice and I really appreciate it. I know I need to put myself out there and have fun, but at the same time be guarded and not get into anything too serious too soon. Honestly, I do occasionally have those periods of loneliness, but I usually do something to improve myself (journal, work out, etc.), or call a friend/family member to just have a good convo.

I am very content being single and having my own place. Like TRM book mentioned, I feel like I went right from a mom to a gf -> finance -> wife, and never had time in between to be an independent man. Well, I finally have that opportunity now and there is NO WAY I am going to let this time pass me by.
 

Blacksheep

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Very sound advice man thank you. My cousin has been giving me very similar advice and I really appreciate it. I know I need to put myself out there and have fun, but at the same time be guarded and not get into anything too serious too soon. Honestly, I do occasionally have those periods of loneliness, but I usually do something to improve myself (journal, work out, etc.), or call a friend/family member to just have a good convo.

I am very content being single and having my own place. Like TRM book mentioned, I feel like I went right from a mom to a gf -> finance -> wife, and never had time in between to be an independent man. Well, I finally have that opportunity now and there is NO WAY I am going to let this time pass me by.
You're welcome bro!

Enjoy this period and focus on yourself... with time you will see how great it is to not be on a unhealthy relationship. Then, maybe if you want in the future you will be more able to manage a relationship on a better way.

I particularly believe we as humans were not made to monogamy. Its a bit hard for both genders.

I've lost 3 travels I bought because of my stupid idea that I should do everything for the woman I was with. What did I get from it? Regret and a big lesson for my whole life. And one time I went to a edm festival, and a crazy ex gf I had got crazy and anointed me until my arm was torn. She did that on purpose to fck up the djs I wanted to watch. Lost money and a awesome party! =/

I think I'm gonna break this chain this month and make a travel alone to a beach and enjoy the new year.

Keep strong and stay safe!
 

TheNewStyle123

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You're welcome bro!

Enjoy this period and focus on yourself... with time you will see how great it is to not be on a unhealthy relationship. Then, maybe if you want in the future you will be more able to manage a relationship on a better way.

I particularly believe we as humans were not made to monogamy. Its a bit hard for both genders.

I've lost 3 travels I bought because of my stupid idea that I should do everything for the woman I was with. What did I get from it? Regret and a big lesson for my whole life. And one time I went to a edm festival, and a crazy ex gf I had got crazy and anointed me until my arm was torn. She did that on purpose to fck up the djs I wanted to watch. Lost money and a awesome party! =/

I think I'm gonna break this chain this month and make a travel alone to a beach and enjoy the new year.

Keep strong and stay safe!
You too man! Stay strong! I'm really glad to be part of the manosphere.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I'm not so sure on the idea of making intentions clear verbally and unsolicited. Let your actions speak for themselves.

You two are getting together and having fun, keep it that way and never insinuate being an item. If she ever asks you 'what are we?' or something to that extent, then you can say you're not looking to be tied down.

Sounds like you took care of yourself through the marriage and have value to offer women, thus the good time. I think the cooking idea is great, but whether you pitch it as a statement or question doesn't really matter. Statements are more dominant by nature but there's nothing wrong with being more interactive if you have fun teasing her. It would also be considered more dominant that she come to your place.

Sounds like the brush kiss was a small test like @Serenity mentioned. If a girl did that to me I'd tease her the rest of the night and maybe not even fuuck her just to make a point that it's not something I'm desperately after by any means. Basically a nice big shiit test for her as a check.

But I also usually don't kiss until I know she'll jump on me the first chance I give her. I like my women submissive af.

I would say make sure to not get wrapped up by doing so much for her that you neglect yourself, but it doesn't sound like you have that problem. Welcome and enjoy the game and all the pusssy that comes with it.
 

SW15

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Getting laid from a swipe app sourced first date with an ex-stripper (provided her body is still near peak levels) is something that most men would find quite appealing. Too often men have first dates from swipe apps that are one date, no sex, and there's not a second date.

I'm not really a hit it and quit it kind of guy so I'd say keep this going. She's an ex-stripper with a rockin' bod. What better sex situations are out there?

I hope you had no kids with your ex-wife and never have to deal with her again.
 

TheNewStyle123

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Getting laid from a swipe app sourced first date with an ex-stripper (provided her body is still near peak levels) is something that most men would find quite appealing. Too often men have first dates from swipe apps that are one date, no sex, and there's not a second date.

I'm not really a hit it and quit it kind of guy so I'd say keep this going. She's an ex-stripper with a rockin' bod. What better sex situations are out there?

I hope you had no kids with your ex-wife and never have to deal with her again.
Thanks man! And yes thank GOD we have no kids. As soon as there is no other reason I need to have her number (just working out final stuff with divorce and sale of house) I am deleting it and blocking it. Have a great life... lol.
 

TheNewStyle123

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I'm not so sure on the idea of making intentions clear verbally and unsolicited. Let your actions speak for themselves.

You two are getting together and having fun, keep it that way and never insinuate being an item. If she ever asks you 'what are we?' or something to that extent, then you can say you're not looking to be tied down.

Sounds like you took care of yourself through the marriage and have value to offer women, thus the good time. I think the cooking idea is great, but whether you pitch it as a statement or question doesn't really matter. Statements are more dominant by nature but there's nothing wrong with being more interactive if you have fun teasing her. It would also be considered more dominant that she come to your place.

Sounds like the brush kiss was a small test like @Serenity mentioned. If a girl did that to me I'd tease her the rest of the night and maybe not even fuuck her just to make a point that it's not something I'm desperately after by any means. Basically a nice big shiit test for her as a check.

But I also usually don't kiss until I know she'll jump on me the first chance I give her. I like my women submissive af.

I would say make sure to not get wrapped up by doing so much for her that you neglect yourself, but it doesn't sound like you have that problem. Welcome and enjoy the game and all the pusssy that comes with it.
Great advice buddy! I have a question, so I offered to go to her place. She has a dog so I was more thinking just so she didn't have to leave it (and I also don't want her bringing it here). She said she didn't care either way but I had already offered to go to her place again. My thoughts were her not knowing where I live and being in my place is better because it makes me more ambiguous. But it sounds like you're saying having her here would have been the better play because it's more dominant?

I could still always text her this week and say I want her to come here instead? Or do you think since I already offered it would look silly to change the location arbitrarily?

Thanks man.
 
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