Just so you're not confused, I'm not mentally retarded. I have a specific kind of autism known as asperger's syndrome, which is the least severe on the autistic spectrum. I just lack social skills; mainly I think my problem is that I don't pick up on nonverbal social cues, which is supposedly very important in dating.
I've read a lot of material about dating: double your dating, real world seduction, path to alpha male, weapons of seduction, a couple other books, threads in this forum, online articles... I understand all of the concepts, rules and motifs that appear everywhere very well on an intellectual level. I have helped other guys gets women before, in real life and on the Internet, but I just can't do it myself.
My main problem is conversation. I can go out knowing/applying everything that you're supposed to know and girls are very interested in me. I just can't keep it going. It's like I hit autistic moments that make things go bad. So they always start enthusiastic and then get disappointed when they realize that I'm not "all there" or something.
Several articles point out exactly what my problem is:
http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art77.htm
"3. Making a woman nervous with your body language. "
"4. Not understanding a woman's body language and other communication. "
I understand the posture and fashion from number 3 now but it's the same body language from the first article, "making people uncomfortable" -- I do that a lot, and not just with women. It's like if I miss something and don't know how to respond to someone properly it creates social awkwardness. Like they expected me to do something but I didn't. I always know when it's happening because I just get so incredibly confused and can't figure out what to do (I know I should do something, and sometimes I even have a general idea about what exactly I'm supposed to do, I just don't know how to do it).
And this is precisely my problem. I think I "get" everything else, it's just these specifics, and I have no idea how to fix it. Btw at my [old] school (I'm graduating) I'm actually pretty popular or "cool." I don't go out with anyone but people seem to like mel, and this is in comparison to my freshmen year when I was completely clueless. But again I don't have prolonged contact with many people, it's just the couple minutes that I'm around people that I can pull off. I mostly copy things I've done/said in the past, or seen other people do (/ read on the Interent).
I have a couple friends and we hang out relatively often, but I think they've gotten used to me. Most women/people just aren't interested in someone like me. I connect with the "nerds" cause we talk about interesting things. Like when I meet someone who runs Linux I know we'll get along just fine because we can talk about Linux, sco, how Windows totally sucks ass and our school should switch to Linux, etc. This bypasses the whole "small talk" and "chit-chat" that I'm so bad at.
I don't know. I've been at this for three years now, and I've came along way, I've just been stuck at my current "level" of social competence for a while and don't know how to really go any further.
The best advice I have for this is mentioned above, "pay attention." I think I read in double your dating to be "in the hear and now," active, engaging, positive/happy, and when I get into this mood things turn dramatically for the better, but it only goes so far. It just gets exhausting because I have to process all this stuff in my head instead of getting it intuitively. And when I'm completely in tune with everything around sometimes I get sensory overload and have to "shut down" back to myself -- I just can't take in or handle it all.
I've read a lot of material about dating: double your dating, real world seduction, path to alpha male, weapons of seduction, a couple other books, threads in this forum, online articles... I understand all of the concepts, rules and motifs that appear everywhere very well on an intellectual level. I have helped other guys gets women before, in real life and on the Internet, but I just can't do it myself.
My main problem is conversation. I can go out knowing/applying everything that you're supposed to know and girls are very interested in me. I just can't keep it going. It's like I hit autistic moments that make things go bad. So they always start enthusiastic and then get disappointed when they realize that I'm not "all there" or something.
Several articles point out exactly what my problem is:
http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art77.htm
http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art69.htm -- Why women reject men and what to about it.BEING SOCIALLY ADJUSTED
I know that this sounds funny, but most of the people I know who are "UN-cool" are not very adjusted socially.
They lack a certain something in the "social skills" department that makes it OBVIOUS to others (and especially women) that they don't know how to relate very well to other people. They just never learned how to make others feel comfortable around them.
If you've ever known an accountant or computer programmer that was brilliantly smart, but totally boring, you know what I mean.
If people act kind of nervous, strange, and uncomfortable when they're around you, then you also know where I'm coming from on this.
I can't teach you how to make people feel comfortable around you in two sentences, but if you need to learn how to mix with people socially, then start PAYING ATTENTION to what's going on around you.
Watch how others dress, hold themselves, walk, and talk. Pay attention to little details... like saying "What's up?" when you meet someone new, instead of "Hello, pleased to meet you" and such.
"3. Making a woman nervous with your body language. "
"4. Not understanding a woman's body language and other communication. "
I understand the posture and fashion from number 3 now but it's the same body language from the first article, "making people uncomfortable" -- I do that a lot, and not just with women. It's like if I miss something and don't know how to respond to someone properly it creates social awkwardness. Like they expected me to do something but I didn't. I always know when it's happening because I just get so incredibly confused and can't figure out what to do (I know I should do something, and sometimes I even have a general idea about what exactly I'm supposed to do, I just don't know how to do it).
And this is precisely my problem. I think I "get" everything else, it's just these specifics, and I have no idea how to fix it. Btw at my [old] school (I'm graduating) I'm actually pretty popular or "cool." I don't go out with anyone but people seem to like mel, and this is in comparison to my freshmen year when I was completely clueless. But again I don't have prolonged contact with many people, it's just the couple minutes that I'm around people that I can pull off. I mostly copy things I've done/said in the past, or seen other people do (/ read on the Interent).
I have a couple friends and we hang out relatively often, but I think they've gotten used to me. Most women/people just aren't interested in someone like me. I connect with the "nerds" cause we talk about interesting things. Like when I meet someone who runs Linux I know we'll get along just fine because we can talk about Linux, sco, how Windows totally sucks ass and our school should switch to Linux, etc. This bypasses the whole "small talk" and "chit-chat" that I'm so bad at.
I don't know. I've been at this for three years now, and I've came along way, I've just been stuck at my current "level" of social competence for a while and don't know how to really go any further.
The best advice I have for this is mentioned above, "pay attention." I think I read in double your dating to be "in the hear and now," active, engaging, positive/happy, and when I get into this mood things turn dramatically for the better, but it only goes so far. It just gets exhausting because I have to process all this stuff in my head instead of getting it intuitively. And when I'm completely in tune with everything around sometimes I get sensory overload and have to "shut down" back to myself -- I just can't take in or handle it all.