At what point does it make SENSE to get married?

[jnMissouri]

I could see it would absolutely be worth it if she was very wealthy and there was no prenup for example.

I've heard women say oh why don't you get married, and I ask them, what's in it for me? They respond with "love" and I'm like, I can get that without the contract. Ironically the last woman that asked me this was married and had an affair with me behind her husbands back. He was her one and only guy, an arranged marriage....

While I struggle to find real tangible benefits other than "married men live longer" which can easily be done by working out and eating healthy which you should be doing while dating, I wonder if there is a point when it makes sense to get married? Do we really want to be dating in our 50's and 60's for example? I know her looks will fade as she ages, so in a way a depreciating asset...but in the looks department so are we. I have dated women half my age, and I'm about to hit 40. But many of these same women, even women I've dated in their 40's are repulsed by older men in their 50's and 60's. So we are depreciating in some ways as well...

Or is that really the right way to think about it since marriage is not really about looks or a trophy wife...I'd never marry a girl purely because she is hot.

I ask because my gf and I have fallen very quickly and she has brought up engagement a few times. She has agreed to sign a prenup if we hitch, because I'm a guy with considerable assets to the tune of millions. She is also well off but lost a lot of her money when her husband took most of their money and left the country. She has rebuilt since then but apparently not quite as much as I had thought. What she does bring to the table is a solid drive and understanding of business. She is one of the rare stock market investors that can produce 100-125% returns year after year trading. She has also built a lot of businesses and does real estate projects.

While I want to be with her forever, a contract doesn't guarantee that. It makes it more difficult for us to leave if we have a spat, but it doesn't guarantee anything. My parents, divorced, my gf...divorced, sister...divorced, all but one of my friends...divorced. A buddy of mine recently asked me, why don't you get married? I asked him if he has been to a lot of weddings. He said yeah. I asked how many of those people are still married. He thought about it and he said...none actually.

Add to that two of my employees had wives that had affairs. One is currently going through this. She could do that as a gf as well, but less likely in some cultures (for example asian cultures) and at least you don't have the expense and risk of losing half your assets...

 

[Machine10033]

It’s worth it if you can find a female that actually valued herself, avoided the c0ck merry go round, took care of herself, had a great sense of humor, attractive, and believed in supporting you in your journey to be the best version of yourself. She would also be willing to sign a prenup because divorce and her sucking off your assets shouldn’t even be in her mind.

 

[Not Dead Yet]

Never. If you've got that much more money than her, than any attorney she'd hire in divorce would advice her to challenge the prenup for nuisance value.

I'd love to see a redacted statement showing consistent triple digit trading performance. In fact, so would any investment firm. She could literally have seven figures to invest in no time at all. Seems suspect to me.

 

[SW15]

I struggle to find real tangible benefits other than "married men live longer" which can easily be done by working out and eating healthy which you should be doing while dating, I wonder if there is a point when it makes sense to get married?

There are not too many cases where it makes sense to get married.

Religion is one of the cases. If you have two regular practitioners of religion who both believe in the pre-marital sex bans of most Christian religions, then that's usually a motivating factor to get married. That's not a large subset of the population, especially now in the Millennial and Gen Z era. @jnMissouri -- it seems like you are an early Millennial (born 1982 or later).

When marginally religious (occasional church attendance) and non-religious people marry, it is typically done for the purposes of having children or the facade of a committed relationship due to societal pressure. Neither of those are a good reason to get married. In general, when you have a child with a woman, the more common outcome is that you won't be in a romantic relationship with the mother by the time the first kid turns 18. Doing it "for the children" isn't an argument that holds water in a lot of cases.

Do we really want to be dating in our 50's and 60's for example? I know her looks will fade as she ages, so in a way a depreciating asset...but in the looks department so are we. I have dated women half my age, and I'm about to hit 40. But many of these same women, even women I've dated in their 40's are repulsed by older men in their 50's and 60's. So we are depreciating in some ways as well...

There are some men in their 50s and 60s on this Forum who participate. They are better sources of insight on this.

It's common for men who are roughly between 30-42 to think about dating after age 50. As a 38 year old, I'm not all that excited by the idea of being 50-55 and dating new women. Approaching and seducing does get tiresome, even for a 30 something guy. It's normal to feel that way. I can't imagine how a 50-55 year old guy feels about doing that.

Most men who are between 40-55 end up settling for some over the hill woman who is close to their own age. Most of these men will get someone younger, but it isn't much of an accomplishment for a 44 year old man to have a 40 year old girlfriend. If you're lucky, this woman in her 40s remained childless and stayed in shape. The 2020s is going to feature a wave of 1980s born Millennial women who never had kids, so 40 something dating is going to start to look different soon.

What women say isn't always what women do. So a 45 year old woman might say she's repulsed by a 55-60 year old man, but might end up with one for an extended relationship.

I'd never marry a girl purely because she is hot.

Good idea. If you meet a woman when she's 25, she won't be as hot when she's 45. She might still be attractive at 45, but her looks will have fallen off to some degree. I've seen women who looks have fallen off from 22 to 33, even without having kids.

While I want to be with her forever, a contract doesn't guarantee that. It makes it more difficult for us to leave if we have a spat, but it doesn't guarantee anything. My parents, divorced, my gf...divorced, sister...divorced, all but one of my friends...divorced. A buddy of mine recently asked me, why don't you get married? I asked him if he has been to a lot of weddings. He said yeah. I asked how many of those people are still married. He thought about it and he said...none actually.

Yes, divorce is common.

I think of the family members and reasonably close friends who are close to my age and married between 2008-2020. More than stayed together than divorce to this point. 3 men who have been a part of my main social circle got married in 2017. None are divorced yet but it's only early 2022. It'd be shocking if all 3 of those couples were together in 2030.

When marriages fail, they typically fail somewhere between the 5-15 year point. That is the widest part of the bell curve on marriage length at the point of failure. If a marriage gets to 20 years, it is less likely to fall apart. A lot of the marriages that do fail between 5-15 years fall apart more slowly than more outside observers would think. A lot of people stay in subpar marriage for multiple years, often times out of fear of finding a new partner OR doing it for the children.

If you have gotten married after 1990, there's about an 80% chance of AT LEAST one of the following 3 things happening during the course of the marriage.
1. A divorce
2. An affair
3. Long periods of boredom and dreariness, where a subpar to mediocre at best relationship is ongoing due to inertia and social pressures.

All 3 outcomes stink.

Add to that two of my employees had wives that had affairs. One is currently going through this. She could do that as a gf as well, but less likely in some cultures (for example asian cultures) and at least you don't have the expense and risk of losing half your assets...

This is common. See above. Even some high level rich business executives and pro athletes have had their wives cheat on them.

 

[roaming shark]

This question is constantly asked and there is not a good or satisfactory answer or conclusion. Marriage is just one way to move thru the world. Marriage itself brings with it a particular set of risks and benefits. To many, the risks are worth it. To many, the benefits are not worth it. Its a difficult calculation especially for RP aware people. Because we understand the matrix code and know women and mens nature. I personally struggle with this decision and have come to a conclusion that I will likely never find the answer to marry or not. It’s not binary. I’m wealthy, so a pre nup will likely be a requirement and that will probably turn many women off. In addition, I’m in my 30s and unfortunately can’t say that I’ve ever really loved a woman yet. Yes, I’ve had loving relationships but never have I said “I want to grow old with this one”. Maybe that’s my own personal issues to work out. Ideally, as I mature I can “find” one. The idea of love is intoxicating, especially since I don’t believe I’ve experienced it. We want what we don’t have right?

We all worry aboutgrowing older and alone. But life is a struggle no matter the route. Just look at most couples, they are literally struggling and probably borderline miserable; just like single people. There is not a “right” way to move thru This world. My goal, is to continue to gain clarity for myself on what is most important to me and then solidify and cultivate those characteristics and habits.

I know one thing, the family court system is a absolutely terrifying place.

 

[jnMissouri]

We all worry about growing older and alone. But life is a struggle no matter the route. Just look at most couples, they are literally struggling and probably borderline miserable; just like single people. There is not a “right” way to move thru This world.

VERY astute observation...

 

[HaleyBaron]

Until marriage stops being state sponsored, there's no point to it.

 

[RobbyDog]

I know one thing, the family court system is a absolutely terrifying place.

I’m going through it right now, just to gain equal parenting time, and I’ll confirm that it’s hell, made that much worse by which private parts I have. The average woman has much more to gain in a marriage than the average man does.

 

[Zimbabwe]

If you want your children to have a stable and happy family, other then that do not ever get married.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you want your children to have a stable and happy family, other then that do not ever get married.

Marriage guarantees neither a stable or happy family. I'm not against it. I was just saying.

 

[RobbyDog]

Marriage guarantees neither a stable or happy family. I'm not against it. I was just saying.

Exactly. The only guarantee in marriage is cost. It costs you big on the front end (wedding etc) and on the back end (divorce).

 

[wifehunter]

"At what point does it make SENSE to get married?"

When society finishes collapsing.. and marriage is freed from third party control.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Marriage guarantees neither a stable or happy family. I'm not against it. I was just saying.

It doesn't guarantee it of course, but it's the best possible shot at it. Older generations made marriages work because they resolved their issues like adults instead of running away at the first sign of trouble.

The reason most divorces happen is for very silly and minor things, Seriously a Woman on an Australian Radio program talked about how she divorced her husband because he came home earlier and started "doing the dishes". She said she "lost all attraction to him", imagine that.

 

[Plinco]

Marriage is for the benefit for:

1.) Children (in every sense)
2.) Woman who cannot provide for themselves in the absence of the welfare state
3.) Beta males for the validation and sex
4.) Government as a means to control men and to create more tax livestock (children)
5.) Religious leaders as a means of sexual control

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It doesn't guarantee it of course, but it's the best possible shot at it. Older generations made marriages work because they resolved their issues like adults instead of running away at the first sign of trouble.

The reason most divorces happen is for very silly and minor things, Seriously a Woman on an Australian Radio program talked about how she divorced her husband because he came home earlier and started "doing the dishes". She said she "lost all attraction to him", imagine that.

Holy sheet

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Marriage is for the benefit for:

1.) Children (in every sense)
2.) Woman who cannot provide for themselves in the absence of the welfare state
3.) Beta males for the validation and sex
4.) Government as a means to control men and to create more tax livestock (children)
5.) Religious leaders as a means of sexual control

#3 marriage is no guarantee of validation or sex

 

[Genetic Error]

It’s worth it if you can find a female that actually valued herself, avoided the c0ck merry go round, took care of herself, had a great sense of humor, attractive, and believed in supporting you in your journey to be the best version of yourself. She would also be willing to sign a prenup because divorce and her sucking off your assets shouldn’t even be in her mind.

aka literally not 1 single woman in the west.

 

[RobbyDog]

I’d recommend that any man (or woman for that matter) who is contemplating marriage or children, should spend a few hundred bucks and sit down with a family lawyer for an education session, so they are fully aware of what they’re getting into.

 

[Black Widow Void]

At your age, these very same things were on my mind. I am now 58 (though my bio is listed as 61).

So... what's it like to be dating in my 50's? It's really not so bad. It's not as lively and plentiful as when I was your age, but it beats the alternative of being divorced. For the record, I've had nine (that I know of) opportunities to marry (probably more that weren't outwardly expressed).

When I was your age, the idea of dating a woman in their 50's was not something I wanted to consider. While it's true that some women do look haggard, there's still plenty of decent catches (as you get older they don't look as old). And the one plus is that women past 40 are usually more humble (they know that they aren't prime cuts any longer).

Here's something to seriously think about :
If children aren't a future plan, and it's not a tax benefit... then why marry?
Seriously.
Is she's with you and it's not due to a piece of paper, then you know it's authentic (and this applies to her with you as well).
On the other hand, if you two marry, then there may be this tinge of doubt ; wondering if the other is there partly due to that piece of paper.

 

[jnMissouri]

Never. If you've got that much more money than her, than any attorney she'd hire in divorce would advice her to challenge the prenup for nuisance value.

I'd love to see a redacted statement showing consistent triple digit trading performance. In fact, so would any investment firm. She could literally have seven figures to invest in no time at all. Seems suspect to me.

She's actually been asked for that by a company that wants her to teach AND to trade on 1 million like a hedge fund and keep a portion of the profits of her trading if she can prove it. She does this with 100K and lives off the income. The rest of her money is in real estate projects where she makes another 100-150K a year on top of her 100 to 125K a year trading.

A legal challenge to the prenup does concern me, but most states consider property you owned before the marriage to be yours anyways as I understand it.