spukee
Don Juan
Hey y'all. Since I found SS I've seen this forum as a study in sociology, and I come back here often because the whole attitude and idea behind SS intrigues me.
I tend to be a very dominant guy. Among my friends I'm almost always the unspoken leader, and in unfamiliar group situations I always assert my dominance right away. It's always been an unconscious thing for me, but lately I've been studying a good deal of sociology, and have become aware of what I do when I relate to other people.
I like feeling in control.
I have a friend (Shaun) that I hang out with two or three times a month usually. Unlike most of my friends, I find that whenever we're together we are constantly fighting for that Alpha status. We like and respect each other, but there's always that tension. In larger groups our competition becomes so obvious that throughout the night we unconsciously divide the group between us - he becomes the center of half the group, and I become the center of the other half. If we're in a room you can literally see the split down the middle.
To make matters more complicated, I am very close to his wife. I tried to pick her up before I found out she was married, and we've been like brother and sister ever since. People see that there's a close bond between us, and often think that we're going out because of it - I used to work at the college she attends, and for a good few months we had half the school thinking we were together. Ostensibly this heightens the tension between Shaun and I... his wife is always joking with me about how he sees me as a threat. [Yeah, I know a lot of you don't condone friendships between guys and girls, but I'll tell you... she's the best wingman I've ever had
]
What it all boils down to is simply this: I'd like my friendship with Shaun become less confrontational, and the only way I can see for this to happen is that one of us concedes to the other's dominance. I've been studying kenesics, and some psychology, but I'm curious about any perspective someone else might be able to shed on the matter. When it comes down to it, I'm a stubborn ass, and I'm not very willing to be the one who concedes defeat... in that case either things will continue to be tense between us, and that's just the way our friendship will work, or I'll have to end up the victor in this little war.
I tend to be a very dominant guy. Among my friends I'm almost always the unspoken leader, and in unfamiliar group situations I always assert my dominance right away. It's always been an unconscious thing for me, but lately I've been studying a good deal of sociology, and have become aware of what I do when I relate to other people.
I like feeling in control.
I have a friend (Shaun) that I hang out with two or three times a month usually. Unlike most of my friends, I find that whenever we're together we are constantly fighting for that Alpha status. We like and respect each other, but there's always that tension. In larger groups our competition becomes so obvious that throughout the night we unconsciously divide the group between us - he becomes the center of half the group, and I become the center of the other half. If we're in a room you can literally see the split down the middle.
To make matters more complicated, I am very close to his wife. I tried to pick her up before I found out she was married, and we've been like brother and sister ever since. People see that there's a close bond between us, and often think that we're going out because of it - I used to work at the college she attends, and for a good few months we had half the school thinking we were together. Ostensibly this heightens the tension between Shaun and I... his wife is always joking with me about how he sees me as a threat. [Yeah, I know a lot of you don't condone friendships between guys and girls, but I'll tell you... she's the best wingman I've ever had
]What it all boils down to is simply this: I'd like my friendship with Shaun become less confrontational, and the only way I can see for this to happen is that one of us concedes to the other's dominance. I've been studying kenesics, and some psychology, but I'm curious about any perspective someone else might be able to shed on the matter. When it comes down to it, I'm a stubborn ass, and I'm not very willing to be the one who concedes defeat... in that case either things will continue to be tense between us, and that's just the way our friendship will work, or I'll have to end up the victor in this little war.
