"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Asking to be exclusive too fast without rapport?

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Happy_Camper

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Hi fellow djers, so far the past two girls that i was trying to be with all gave me the same excuses when i asked them to be exclusive with me. Both of them happen to say the same thing, "What do you like me for?" and after that they say I dont know you that well yet.

Is it because i have too little rapport so far? The girls seem to be talking much but i believe i dont think ive been saying much things about myself or opening up yet. I guess being mysterious or aloof has affected it.

What happens when this happens? Should you continue to talk to them more or move to next girl?

We've been holding hands, hugging and i have my arm around her sometimes and she doesnt flinch away though.

I went out with her twice outside of school, we see each other 4 days a week at school. And talked on the phone about 3x. We have great convos over the phone (nothing like deep convos more like making fun of each other) and we sit very close to each during school. I feel her hand and kino her all the time. She doesnt do that much kino in return though however, but just a bit.

But the other part of me is saying if a girl really likes you, wouldnt see not mind you asked that and being more exclusive can mean she can find out about you more during the process? Cause i think some guys think like this.

I believe what i did because its better to know early than to fall into the friend trap or stalling too long. Its better to know early because if you invest too many of your emotions then im afraid i wont get rid of her in my mind. I dont know if you guys agree on that though.

Im thinking back the old saying in this forum open up your choices and dont put all your eggs in one basket, so what she said to me would place everything in her hands. I mean she decided to go that route and in the future when she sees me happy and with someone else itll make her regret that and may try to attempt to take me back.

Any suggestions and tips would be greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot guys.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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LostAndConfused

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For the "I don't know you that well yet" Check out my thread, because I asked the same thing about that particular response....girls use it alot:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=138409

What you can pull from that is, there probbaly wasn't enough interest.

I think that instead of just asking the girl "can you be exclusive with me?" just take her out on a date. Both girls probably had some interest in you, but definitely not enough to be all like "This guy is my boyfriend. (subtext here is I gotta stay faithful and exclusive to him)"

But whats there to lose? You should try asking these chicks out on a date, if you still see that they are showing some interest towards you. Shrug off the "I Don't know you well enough" lines, and just go ahead and tell her to meet up with you on a date. If she flakes or says "no" at that point, yes, then NEXT her.

But remember, you might have just not taken her out on dates enough, building enough interest through dates for her to ask you to be her boyfriend yet.

Also, use her not wanting to be exclusive with you to YOUR ADVANTAGE!!! Right now you seem to be playing to her cards, and not yours. If she doesn't want to be exclusive, do what you said in your 2nd to last paragraph....spin plates. Date other girls too. Maybe when these chicks start seeing other girls show interest towards you, they'll realize that they really need to be exclusive with ya!

-LostAC
 
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ready123

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please post your age. the social dynamics are different in high school compared to college and the working world
 
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Rhoto

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Happy_Camper said:
Hi fellow djers, so far the past two girls that i was trying to be with all gave me the same excuses when i asked them to be exclusive with me. Both of them happen to say the same thing, "What do you like me for?"
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Ask them what the fvck is wrong with them! You want to grow closer to these girls as PEOPLE, not just holes to insert your stick into.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Tenzen

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heh, from my experience the day i asked 1 girl to be exclusive was the last day i ever made out with her. Its bad to ask, i had to learn the hard way. From a girl with high interest dropped down to none..... HB8-9ish i learned from that alot.
 
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Happy_Camper

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ready123 said:
please post your age. the social dynamics are different in high school compared to college and the working world
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hey sorry i left out some details. Im 21 soon , and she's 18 and we're first year university. (i switched programs)

And for all who gave their opinions, thank you all for posting and reading. Sometimes it feels good to just come on to a website and ask for advice. If you guys were my neighbours i would offer all you guys a beer. thanks a lot.

Any more suggestions please feel free to post. :up:

edit: ohoh she also mentioned that i have communication problems. We're from the same background, but however she is more fluent in her language so i talk to her in her native language. I try my best to communicate to her (i happen to be taken the language classes prior to knowing her and work in a setting with that language)
 
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MacAvoy

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You need to read The Bible. If you read it, you would know that you never ask a women to be exclusive

ANTI DUMP said:
Becoming exclusive with a woman means the both of you talk about not dating or seeing anyone else. The dating with others comes to an end.
Never ask a women to become exclusive. She must ask YOU. She must talk about it FIRST.
Why? If a woman hasn't asked you yet it means she is still open to seeing others. She still has DOUBTS about you. Highly interested women don't want you going out with other women.

A woman asking for exclusivity is like a 'marriage proposal'. She is cementing and laying the foundation for true intimacy.
She wants something that's lasting. It is the ULTIMATE test of interest, guys. She is 'proposing'.

If you ask first, you will never know her true interest level. Why didn't she bring it up? How come she is still letting you see others? Why isn't she CLOSING her options? Is she seeing someone else?

Think about it.

AD
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"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Tenzen

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i fell into a trap. I asked the girl to be exclusive when i heard she was going to a club later on with friends.... She never went cause she was with me but still, thats what made me pop the question. Fear of her getting with another guy at the club that night.
 
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drak_ool

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don't ask her, even if she says "yes" you will loose the power in that relationship since, by asking, you showed yourself to be the one less willing to walk away (=less power)
 
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DonGorgon

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Studying the fact that all lies contain fragments
Tenzen said:
i fell into a trap. I asked the girl to be exclusive when i heard she was going to a club later on with friends.... She never went cause she was with me but still, thats what made me pop the question. Fear of her getting with another guy at the club that night.
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Being in a relationship does not stop 99% of humans from cheating.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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MacAvoy

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Your getting confused between what society tells you and what being a DJ is DonGorgon. A DJ doesn't ask for a relationship, the women forces him into one.

Marriage is a whole different story. Go read the bible.
 
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Happy_Camper

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how do you even consider you and her to be exclusive? or another way to put it (she can be called my girlfriend?)
 
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Happy_Camper

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MacAvoy said:
I'm sorry I don't understand, but what are you asking Camper?
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how do you know when she is your girlfriend? Sorry for asking such a lame question, but when i was in junior high it was like i even asked back then "will you be my gf" or something.

Im sorta the kinda guy that wants everything written out, like everything is clear.

How do you know you and her are exclusive, how can you know and tell others when introducing to her to other ppl she is my gf? thanks.
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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