I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.
She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)
I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.
I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.
Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
don't worry about banging other women until you're over it. distract yourself with something more fulfilling like hobbies that will challenge you and mold you. sure we can say womanizing is a hobby but if you're bothered by what women do or say then your problems run deeper. a hobby like mastering an instrument or tool will force you to be present. it'll challenge your patience, focus, and consistency. and it will also create a positive feedback loop when you notice you're improving. you'll have the chance to develop a passion for something that will never leave you.
if you think about it the most wholesome and independent person, the most masculine, is completely unphased by women or anything in life for that matter, even death. expect change. there is a sense of detachment from everything which actually heightens the senses and allows a clearer picture of everything. the only constant in this world is change. knowing that, how can you be upset or surprised when things change? you should EXPECT them to change because that's what has happened and what will continue to happen.
rest assured she is not completely over it. she is also human and you spent 10 years with her. she also has moments of weakness and sadness, and also probably thinks about it from time to time. she reach out eventually, not that you should wait for it.
you need to hone a mindset that's emotionally detached from outcome. that's how the best logical decisions are made after all. consider reading some stoicism. you can start with book 2(page 90 of this pdf)
http://seinfeld.co/library/meditations.pdf
or order the book, it's a great read. the jist is that every challenge you face in life is meant to be overcome.
forgive yourself by listening to your core values. what is it that you value? act accordingly, stand up for what you believe in, and you'll start to cultivate self respect and confidence in your life.
also read everything you can get your hands on pertaining your situation. get as many perspectives as possible, it'll feel like a therapist is talking to you and you'll discover things about yourself you never knew. you'll grow from this and come out feeling grateful for the experience.
