Ashamed to say, still stuck on ex wife

Stoic

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I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.

She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)

I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.

I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.

Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
 

Spaz

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Don't put any focus on having women.

And remember, having women to bed is not a barometer of success for men, its merely a side entertainment.

Focus on attaining power.

Focus on increasing ur sphere of influence.

Focus on changing the "way you think" to influence the "way you do things" = the results you desire.
 

KenAdams123

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You'll be okay man, this is just life kicking you in the nuts.

"I know better then to let it get me down, but it has. " -> Don't beat yourself over the head, you went through a divorce, with a child involved. You have every reason to be down, aslong as you know eventually time will heal all wounds and you'll get back on your feet sorta speak. Try to focus on maintaining a stable bond with your kid (paramount), time will pass, you'll move on, no doubt about that, just give yourself a break.

I haven't been through this myself, but I have seen multiple guys ending up in the ditch due alcohol and drug abuse, suicide even. The fact that you've already started to move on tells me you'll come out stronger on the other side, just cut yourself some slack
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.

She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)

I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.

I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.

Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
don't worry about banging other women until you're over it. distract yourself with something more fulfilling like hobbies that will challenge you and mold you. sure we can say womanizing is a hobby but if you're bothered by what women do or say then your problems run deeper. a hobby like mastering an instrument or tool will force you to be present. it'll challenge your patience, focus, and consistency. and it will also create a positive feedback loop when you notice you're improving. you'll have the chance to develop a passion for something that will never leave you.

if you think about it the most wholesome and independent person, the most masculine, is completely unphased by women or anything in life for that matter, even death. expect change. there is a sense of detachment from everything which actually heightens the senses and allows a clearer picture of everything. the only constant in this world is change. knowing that, how can you be upset or surprised when things change? you should EXPECT them to change because that's what has happened and what will continue to happen.

rest assured she is not completely over it. she is also human and you spent 10 years with her. she also has moments of weakness and sadness, and also probably thinks about it from time to time. she reach out eventually, not that you should wait for it.

you need to hone a mindset that's emotionally detached from outcome. that's how the best logical decisions are made after all. consider reading some stoicism. you can start with book 2(page 90 of this pdf) http://seinfeld.co/library/meditations.pdf
or order the book, it's a great read. the jist is that every challenge you face in life is meant to be overcome.

forgive yourself by listening to your core values. what is it that you value? act accordingly, stand up for what you believe in, and you'll start to cultivate self respect and confidence in your life.

also read everything you can get your hands on pertaining your situation. get as many perspectives as possible, it'll feel like a therapist is talking to you and you'll discover things about yourself you never knew. you'll grow from this and come out feeling grateful for the experience.
 

Medina

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Women tend to move on much faster than men do

It's yet again another example of gender opposites -

Men fall in love fast, women fall in love slow
Men come out of love slow, women come out of love fast

Some of them become heartless and nothing like the girl we knew

So it will take time buddy but we've all been there
 

RickTheToad

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I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.

She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)

I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.

I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.

Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
@Spuz is correct. It is only natural to still have feelings with a lady you've been with for 10+ years and a kid to boot. Yu are prob. only remembering the good times, not the bad. Again, only natural. There is no magic pill to make you feel better. Just keep working on yourself and time will help heal those wounds. However, you'll always have a place in your heart for her. Dudes love, ladies love for right now. It;s just how it is.

Stay strong dude. You'll be fine.
 

AttackFormation

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She didn't necessarily "get over it quickly". She had just been thinking and planning for years about why she wanted to end it, when she was going to do it, and what options she was gonna line up in preparation. It seemed sudden to you because you were probably complacent and blue pilled, so you thought you were "doing everything right" (by trying to please and appease her and lacking masculinity) and didn't see or ignored the signs. I bet that's what happened. By the time she actually told you about it, she had already processed it herself for many months or years. And this is assuming she ever really desired you in the first place, and didn't marry out of security, provision, social status and getting a child.
 
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soulforge

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And this is why I am GLAD I dumped that hoe... This is what happens when you ignore red flags..

Divorce.. And suicidel thoughts!!!

Listen to your gut guys!
 

markfromeurope

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I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.

She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)

I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.

I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.

Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
Sounds like you just need to do more what you were doing.
 

Mauser96

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I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.

She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)

I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.

I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.

Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
For sure I have been through this - Marriage of 16 years. Don't beat yourself up over it, it will fade in time.

Also, you are ASSUMING she quickly got over the 10 year marriage. Don't assume that, you really don't know. She may miss the relationship and have her own regrets.

In any case, time tends to heal and make memories fade. I have had sex with maybe 7-10 women since my divorce? EVERY single one was better in the sack. So, that makes me feel better haha.

Seriously, what you are feeling is normal. Accept it.
 

Trump

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I hate to admit it, but I am not over my ex wife.

She called an end to the marriage two years ago (realize that's a long time to still be bothered by it)

I've dated, banged other girls, but still think often about her. What bothers me the most is the thought of her with other guys. I know its happening and have a hard time getting passed it. It also bothers me how quickly she seemed to get over the nearly 10 year marriage with a child.

I know better then to let it get me down, but it has.

Anyone been through this? Anyway to help expedite getting on with life asap?
Never been through it. Could care less ex’s are banging other guys.

You got a child out of her.

You can sleep with younger hotter girls

You are legally free from her.

You should be sitting on top of the world.
 

Epimanes

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Man... i feel ya... im 8 months out of my 25yr together 23 married relationship with my wife and im 41.. still not divorced officially but may as well be. I have a FWB lady and when im with her ..(hb 6.5 at best) ... i fvck her and think of my hb 8.5 wife.... terrible i know... but its reality... mean while i have dated like 7 other women... some 6s some 7s some 8s... not F closing them though... just meeting new ppl and gettin outa my comfort zone.... its gunna take a while... im sure ill still be thinking about my ex in 2 years like you..... we co parent a 15yo ..and my 21yo doesnt need parenting anymore... but everytime i see my ex.. i feel like im back to or near square one like we just spilt ...and it hurts... just sayin... its totally normal. Dont rush yourself...

Epi
 
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