MatureDJ
Master Don Juan
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"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
article: The Rise and Fall of Charm in American Men
- Thread starter MatureDJ
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
sharkbeat
Master Don Juan
I think charms has lost its way in American culture because of misinterpretation of men, turning it into what we call today the bad boys. There's the real man charm, and there's a fake bad boy figure, but neither of those are willing to be stepped on by women. The key difference is that the fake bad boy imagery (which unfortunately is reinforced by PUA communities) focuses on trying to put an image of men over the wavering unstable personality of a young man. This results in over-the-top personality that holds no authority. You could still get laid, however.
Very few men are genuine. I postulate that this is because of lack of physical and mental challenges in American lifestyle. Marketing isn't helping out much when it's posting a picture of a man with a young blonde in an expensive car -- "The American Dream" -- giving a false image that money and material possession is the way into manhood. Men need challenges, both physical and mental. Men need risks. It is what the testosterone for.
Very few men are genuine. I postulate that this is because of lack of physical and mental challenges in American lifestyle. Marketing isn't helping out much when it's posting a picture of a man with a young blonde in an expensive car -- "The American Dream" -- giving a false image that money and material possession is the way into manhood. Men need challenges, both physical and mental. Men need risks. It is what the testosterone for.
the article talks about charisma, really. The root of charisma means "grace" or "favor" or "gift." It was generally considered a gift from god. I don't really believe a person can "learn" charisma. You either have it or you don't. And very few men/women throughout history have had it, and that's why it's so celebrated.
Great body, great clothes, great money, great image beats an average man with charm every day of the week. We didn't dictate that, women did. Any time a woman is being "charming" with you means she sees you have the first listed criteria, not that she thinks you are charming or worth charming. Otherwise they will treat you like sh-t, and to be fair most guys do the same no matter what "good personality" she possesses. Charm is great... once you have the basics down.
There is an element of charm in social value, but it's better identified as "manipulation and button pushing."
Oh and as for that article, I don't need some tardwit making a bunch of allusions to MOVIES and other entertainment and trying to relate that to reality. Just another way of finding men lacking without being obvious about it. I don't read crap like the Atlantic, New Yorker or other gynoculture trash and neither should any man who wants to find peace and success in life.
There is an element of charm in social value, but it's better identified as "manipulation and button pushing."
Oh and as for that article, I don't need some tardwit making a bunch of allusions to MOVIES and other entertainment and trying to relate that to reality. Just another way of finding men lacking without being obvious about it. I don't read crap like the Atlantic, New Yorker or other gynoculture trash and neither should any man who wants to find peace and success in life.
apprenticedj
Senior Don Juan
I really liked this article, thanks for posting. Charm is truly a lost art and nowhere is it more apparent (to me at least) then when I observe the way we converse with one another. I'm not even referring to going out, just basic interactions while going about our day, running errands. Our interactions are so brief, we cut to the chase immediately, no time wasted. I attribute this to our go-go-go lifestyle.
One of my biggest mantras in life is simply two words: SLOW DOWN. We miss so many things on a daily basis as we hurry about and this relates to conversations as well. Just watch an old guy at the grocery store. He's casually strolling about, making his selections, chatting with the guy stocking the shelves, talking to someone about how good the peaches are, sharing a laugh with the cashier etc. Some would say this is possible because he's retired and he has the time but I think there's an entirely different reason. He was raised during a time when things were slower. He's enjoying life at a leisurely pace and that's my goal.
One of my biggest improvements in gaming women and social outings in general has been in my conversational skills. When I would talk to a HB in the past my mind would be racing as I'm trying to drum up the next line or the next witty thing to say. So much so that I wasn't even really present in the moment.
Now I SLOW DOWN. I take my time to listen and enjoy the conversation for what it is, simply a conversation, no more, no less. Once I had that realization my outlook shifted and I've found a sense of calm about the whole ordeal. We build it up in our minds but it's simply two people talking. That's it.
When you're calm you can naturally exude charm. You're witty, clever and by listening and asking questions you're able to direct the conversation and let the other person share the work.
Imagine how that looks next to some bro who's loud, drunk, obnoxious and trying to spit weak game? No comparison.
One of my biggest mantras in life is simply two words: SLOW DOWN. We miss so many things on a daily basis as we hurry about and this relates to conversations as well. Just watch an old guy at the grocery store. He's casually strolling about, making his selections, chatting with the guy stocking the shelves, talking to someone about how good the peaches are, sharing a laugh with the cashier etc. Some would say this is possible because he's retired and he has the time but I think there's an entirely different reason. He was raised during a time when things were slower. He's enjoying life at a leisurely pace and that's my goal.
One of my biggest improvements in gaming women and social outings in general has been in my conversational skills. When I would talk to a HB in the past my mind would be racing as I'm trying to drum up the next line or the next witty thing to say. So much so that I wasn't even really present in the moment.
Now I SLOW DOWN. I take my time to listen and enjoy the conversation for what it is, simply a conversation, no more, no less. Once I had that realization my outlook shifted and I've found a sense of calm about the whole ordeal. We build it up in our minds but it's simply two people talking. That's it.
When you're calm you can naturally exude charm. You're witty, clever and by listening and asking questions you're able to direct the conversation and let the other person share the work.
Imagine how that looks next to some bro who's loud, drunk, obnoxious and trying to spit weak game? No comparison.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear MDJ,
This is a really good post...In the busy cosmopolitan City there is neither place,nor time for charm..I am surprised that no one has mentioned the role of computers in this demise of charm,they create an expectation of immediacy in all forms of social interraction,and often they deliver the goods,but something is lost along the way.
This is a really good post...In the busy cosmopolitan City there is neither place,nor time for charm..I am surprised that no one has mentioned the role of computers in this demise of charm,they create an expectation of immediacy in all forms of social interraction,and often they deliver the goods,but something is lost along the way.