Arsehole mate

thelad

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#1
Hello all I want to figure out what this means. theres a friend I have that is always attention seeking demanding that he be heard at all times this is among my friends (his too) he keeps saying he fvcks loads of girls , I'm making loads of money, tries to dominate over us its obvious to us but giving his agressiveness we let it go we just want to have a good night out without ending up out a fight. plus he degreniates us with a louder voice to make sure the 8s or 9s heard so he gets the look in and attention and we are the losers. given this he has a girlfriend of 6 years and shares a rented house and her kids with him. in saying that he's a big guy 6ft and bigger. he expects us to follow him everywhere he says where to go etc.. im like I want to go here he's like manipulate the rest to where he wants to go. but all the while trying to fvck their chances with women or making new friends. I've known him on and off for 20 years - he feels dangerous if you go challenge him...but he says women love him like his dominant stance. now I can be dominant when I want to at the right time I know my own mind but but I detest total twankers like him. I need advice how to outwit him but he's not stupid either... my other friend says just ignore him and get on with it...but dynamics doesn't always allow for that though what you reckon guys?
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
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#2
Outwit him?

Why don't you choose not to hang out with him.

He might have tight game, or he might not. But if he's running interference on your game, you can 1) take him aside and tell him to tone it down, or 2) cut way back on going out with him.

Personally, I find that rare is the man who understands game well enough that he'll help a brother out. Most are clueless or short sighted. I have one good red pill friend, he knows the deal. Know when to block and when to carry the ball.
 

thelad

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#3
Its kind of hard to avoid him when he organises the nights out...maybe its time to create my own with others as such and I do but its rare. I do go out a couple with out him but when he gets wind of it restarts to organise it again. He only helps himself ever...arrogant git. especially drunk.
If you tell him to tone it down that would encourage him even the more. I think he sees my game then tries to interfere with it. Time to create new paths.
 

glass half full

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#4
Hello all I want to figure out what this means. theres a friend I have that is always attention seeking demanding that he be heard at all times this is among my friends (his too) he keeps saying he fvcks loads of girls , I'm making loads of money, tries to dominate over us its obvious to us but giving his agressiveness we let it go we just want to have a good night out without ending up out a fight. plus he degreniates us with a louder voice to make sure the 8s or 9s heard so he gets the look in and attention and we are the losers. given this he has a girlfriend of 6 years and shares a rented house and her kids with him. in saying that he's a big guy 6ft and bigger. he expects us to follow him everywhere he says where to go etc.. im like I want to go here he's like manipulate the rest to where he wants to go. but all the while trying to fvck their chances with women or making new friends. I've known him on and off for 20 years - he feels dangerous if you go challenge him...but he says women love him like his dominant stance. now I can be dominant when I want to at the right time I know my own mind but but I detest total twankers like him. I need advice how to outwit him but he's not stupid either... my other friend says just ignore him and get on with it...but dynamics doesn't always allow for that though what you reckon guys?
This dude can only hurt you, not help. Been there...politely be busy or gone when he calls you. Change your number

Go your own way, you can't succeed with a bro bringing you down. A waste of time.

He knows this too. F it.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
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#5
Its kind of hard to avoid him when he organises the nights out...maybe its time to create my own with others as such and I do but its rare. I do go out a couple with out him but when he gets wind of it restarts to organise it again. He only helps himself ever...arrogant git. especially drunk.
If you tell him to tone it down that would encourage him even the more. I think he sees my game then tries to interfere with it. Time to create new paths.
How old are you? Do you ever go out alone, or with at most one friend?
 

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Ranger

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#7
Hello all I want to figure out what this means. theres a friend I have that is always attention seeking demanding that he be heard at all times this is among my friends (his too) he keeps saying he fvcks loads of girls , I'm making loads of money, tries to dominate over us its obvious to us but giving his agressiveness we let it go we just want to have a good night out without ending up out a fight. plus he degreniates us with a louder voice to make sure the 8s or 9s heard so he gets the look in and attention and we are the losers. given this he has a girlfriend of 6 years and shares a rented house and her kids with him. in saying that he's a big guy 6ft and bigger. he expects us to follow him everywhere he says where to go etc.. im like I want to go here he's like manipulate the rest to where he wants to go. but all the while trying to fvck their chances with women or making new friends. I've known him on and off for 20 years - he feels dangerous if you go challenge him...but he says women love him like his dominant stance. now I can be dominant when I want to at the right time I know my own mind but but I detest total twankers like him. I need advice how to outwit him but he's not stupid either... my other friend says just ignore him and get on with it...but dynamics doesn't always allow for that though what you reckon guys?
This is easy. Time for you to branch out. You don’t want to be under the resident dominant. Go find your own tribe.

After I had left the the Marines and later the 19th Special Forces, I was done. The wirld was different. Places I’d been. Experiences I held in my mind, mostly good ones, there was no going back to old friends or acquaintances.

The more you change yourself, the more you won’t fit in or are more unwilling to be around certain people and certain women. This is a good sign.

Pull stakes and go find a new tribe.
 

speed dawg

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#8
Do you have fun hanging out with this group of guys? Ever? I'd say hang out with them when you enjoy it, and don't if you don't. It's that simple. You can't change that guy, you can only control yourself. Practice verbal self defense when you're out with him. I suspect that your issues stem from your own lack of confidence. You're letting the guy bother you and your weakness is showing to him. Naturally, he makes fun of you more.
 

markfromeurope

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#9
Being only real sigma guy I know IRL (aside of distant aquaintance I met several years ago) I can tell you that:

Young guys don't get it but ANY (and I mean ANY) ****blocking or depreciation from person around you or in your social group is a sign that:
1)this person needs to go
or
2)you need to leave this social group immediately

Its usually the second as perceived leader usually has his followers (guys around you that say 'just ignore him' are really his followers/beta's and will remain so due to various factors, probably boredom is one of them)

My experience tells me that social groups are mostly to understand that you are the best and fullest on your own.

Always. World needs to be your adventure and any annoyances in form of annoying wannabe alpha (or real alpha that want to make them part of your pack forcefuly) needs to go. If you are fun to be around and women will feel relaxed with you, alpha will want you in his pack. I have experience about it. The answer is "NO" unless you can get something from it (and usually there's a possibility to struck some form of a deal as alpha has access to resources).

It's quite easy with alpha guys - they will get disrespected by your absence (which equals to rebellion in mind of alpha) and will leave you alone or try to force you somehow to their pack if perceive you as valuable 'addition' to their herd.

Strong alpha's are good guys really and don't pick on others but they do get annoying sometimes and (it's interesting really) require significant amount of attention from other guys which I don't quite understand as its clear to me that ppl are around other ppl mostly because of things not attributes of character. It's obvious even in families.

Weak alpha guys or wannabe alpha tend to act as described in your situation.

Learn to be sigma - perceived by everyone as guy that understands it all and really try to understand it all. Sigma's only competition is time as they will always get what they want eventually. Everything and everyone else should be considered as men and women on their own path (people hate this vision as its strongly interwined with loneliness).

Leaving a pack is a difficult decision but also act of strong will. I left many things behind me. It hurt but I don't regret. Its a good experience and allows you to learn a lot about life.

You might learn eventually that real power comes from social flexibility - if you are a strong unit on your own but simultaneously able to throw overboard ballast of low quality social relationship you can be pretty much everything you want to be eventually.

It's pretty much why alpha want to have sigma in their pack as their right hand often or at least around as strong beta of their pack.

Sigma is King Maker or King in Making - well established sigma will transform into benevolent but strict king if opportunity will arise - its mostly connected with the pain most of the 'artificial' alphas are saved from one way or another. Sigma is broken one or multiple times psychologicaly due to his experience but always comes back stronger.

Don't hesitate to be a loner if the opportunity will arise. Sheer boost of free time you will get from ignoring ppl that waste your time will start turn things better for you.
 
Last edited:

Bokanovsky

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#10
Its kind of hard to avoid him when he organises the nights out...maybe its time to create my own with others as such and I do but its rare.
So you've been hanging out with this guy and tolerating his disrespect for 20 years...and the only reason for that is the fact that he organizes the nights out and you're too lazy to do that yourself? No wonder he treats you like sh!t. He sees you as passive and weak.
 
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thelad

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#11
Thanks for the advice guys , a massive help. It could very well be part laziness and part confidence on my part. I see the world much more these days due to divorce and red pill lens. totally agree with most of the comments on here. He treats everyone like **** not just me.
I think its time I parted ways with this group of friends the upside. Im in regular contact with others. the downside he will try to make inroads again.
I think Ive found that he might be using me to form his group cos Im not beta minded person compared to the others I see through his ****.
Im to the point now its not necessary to keep going to that group and I can go my own way. its another stage and another move to make.
small moves. small moves.
 

glass half full

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#12
Sometimes the Red Pill doesn't just apply to relationships with women, it can be with friends (and family...)

You're understanding it now. I use this thought now- when I get in a situation like that, and it is common, remember where you've beem, what you've been awakened to, and just say to yourself "No, no more" "Been there, done that, it sux.

Rock on brother :)
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
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#13
Hello all I want to figure out what this means. theres a friend I have that is always attention seeking demanding that he be heard at all times this is among my friends (his too) he keeps saying he fvcks loads of girls , I'm making loads of money, tries to dominate over us its obvious to us but giving his agressiveness we let it go we just want to have a good night out without ending up out a fight. plus he degreniates us with a louder voice to make sure the 8s or 9s heard so he gets the look in and attention and we are the losers. given this he has a girlfriend of 6 years and shares a rented house and her kids with him. in saying that he's a big guy 6ft and bigger. he expects us to follow him everywhere he says where to go etc.. im like I want to go here he's like manipulate the rest to where he wants to go. but all the while trying to fvck their chances with women or making new friends.
Most of that is just the kind of stuff you see in pickup material that they advise you to do: Be an @sshole, be dominant, be loud, make yourself the center of attention, DHV, direct others, be the leader, plan the activities, tool guys that get in your way, use boyfriend destroyers if needed, be tall lol.
That may or may not get you women, but it doesn't make for a likable person. As others have said, I'd cut ties and go elsewhere.
 

glass half full

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#14
Most of that is just the kind of stuff you see in pickup material that they advise you to do: Be an @sshole, be dominant, be loud, make yourself the center of attention, DHV, direct others, be the leader, plan the activities, tool guys that get in your way, use boyfriend destroyers if needed, be tall lol.
That may or may not get you women, but it doesn't make for a likable person. As others have said, I'd cut ties and go elsewhere.
That's exactly what I thought when I saw this, Alpha teachings.
I think there's a better way to do that, his buddy is just overdoing it and apparently hasn't been taken to task by someone (yet!)
OP, you're better than that. No need to be an a-hole to be Alpha. Confidant, yes. Assertive, yes.
But there's a good way and a bad way to do anything.
 

Fruitbat

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#15
I have a long term friend who does this. The moment you have a woman with you he starts acting a total d1ck to you. When it was my wife, I realised there is no redemption from that. It’s my wife, dude.

So, I’ve known this guy 20 years, same as you.

I still see him at sports and stuff. He does me favours in business, and I do them back. He’s good for this kind of thing.

The fact is, you’ll meet these people a lot, and completely severing ties with anyone doing this might cut you out of some advantages.

These guys do it on autopilot. I’ve got a temper. I’ve beaten his ass several times.

He forgave me for those times. I kind of forgive him for his actions. However, he will never be around me when I’m with my wife or any future GF or wife. He is not fit for that.

He’s still a good crack for the beers and business.
 
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thelad

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#16
I never gave him a chance to go near my ex-wife as useless as she was but I agree keep that side away from men like them. Ive a nagging suspicion that they have NPD (ex-wife is that's how I know you see the signs) and that my friend keep it simple. BTW he brings nothing to the table on the nights out..never pays for the drinks expecting everyone else to be attentive to him at the same time. I think the best way is to peel off how much time you actually spend with him and the other mates. its a juggling act cos the others will question my actions as well even though they are sound.
I laugh about those fights you mention often we had to be separated from fighting usually on a cold night out as well. but its as if he won't tolerate anyone being in control of themselves. so what I'm going to do is next time I will be in a bigger group night out rather than a small one.
but maybe 2 or 3 times a year now he's likely to want to go out every 3 weeks I will turn it down and say too busy or use that time to work on my own game.Its either that or absolute disconnection.
 
Last edited:

Fruitbat

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#17
I never gave him a chance to go near my ex-wife as useless as she was but I agree keep that side away from men like them. Ive a nagging suspicion that they have NPD (ex-wife is that's how I know you see the signs) and that my friend keep it simple. BTW he brings nothing to the table on the nights out..never pays for the drinks expecting everyone else to be attentive to him at the same time. I think the best way is to peel off how much time you actually spend with him and the other mates. its a juggling act cos the others will question my actions as well even though they are sound.
I laugh about those fights you mention often we had to be separated from fighting usually on a cold night out as well. but its as if he won't tolerate anyone being in control of themselves. so what I'm going to do is next time I will be in a bigger group night out rather than a small one.
but maybe 2 or 3 times a year now he's likely to want to go out every 3 weeks I will turn it down and say too busy or use that time to work on my own game.Its either that or absolute disconnection.
If that’s the case he offers you nothing. He certainly does rank on the NPD scale. Seems like he provides nothing and wants hangers on, not friends.

It seems you’ve already tried telling him to go **** himself. As far as I’m concerned, he needs to be let go. Don’t worry about losing friends or a social group. It’s better to be alone than someone’s *****.

Issue is these guys are everywhere. I’m very much the same as you, I despise this shyt but I’ve done it. I’m mid 30s and I now have about 3 friends. I don’t really care.

I joined a social club, I’m joining a golf club and do a lot of networking. Socialising within a structured environment is good, because these places tend to have rules which prevent it, and a lot of the time, the people than run them are there to prevent inharmonious people doing what they do. Some are just as toxic, but most aren’t.
 

thelad

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#18
Its a case of self respect and sticking to it - these men who do this *******ry certainly exist to elevate themselves on the social scene then discard you later on. I like the idea of structured environment - less bulshyte more realism and get something out of it.
 

samspade

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#19
It's a simple precept, OP. Don't suffer fools gladly. Life's better without 'em.

Edit - I would say the only way to use this to your advantage is to practice and improve your game around him. This is not easy. You may have read about AMOGs. There are techniques for outwitting men like this. Generally speaking it requires the usual: Coolness, humor, and outcome-independence.
 

glass half full

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#20
This is easy. Time for you to branch out. You don’t want to be under the resident dominant. Go find your own tribe.

After I had left the the Marines and later the 19th Special Forces, I was done. The wirld was different. Places I’d been. Experiences I held in my mind, mostly good ones, there was no going back to old friends or acquaintances.

The more you change yourself, the more you won’t fit in or are more unwilling to be around certain people and certain women. This is a good sign.

Pull stakes and go find a new tribe.
Just happened to see this again...I just realized that my cousin did the same thing when he came back from the Marines. Apparently it made a difference in him too. He was a very popular dude back home, but when he came back he moved about 30 miles north and met someone there and married, and had 6 kids. "Busy beaver?" haha.

Something must have changed him too. Guessing you both got more mature mentally, and came home and stuff didn't look the same. Kind of like taking the Red Pill, magnified. Now after reading this I understand him better.
 
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