Are you Selfish?

[Heretolearn]

Ok this selfish thing I find very pedantic.

I mean surely we are all selfish to a degree.

Surely selfishness and altruism sit at opposite ends of a spectrum with individuals being at different points but no one ever being completely selfish or completely altruistic.

Why is it that I always hear women say 'I do not like him anymore or cannot be with him anymore as he is selfish'?

How do you know if you are too selfish and when is this a problem?

* I am not saying how does one become unselfish to please a woman.

Discuss!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It depends whether you want everything yourself or if you want everything from everyone else.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect." - Henry V

And BTW, there is no such thing as altruism - even self-sacrifice is a form of hedonism. Stop kidding yourself. The women who complain about selfishness are themselves selfish in their complaint, but your thread does point out an interesting dynamic. The time honored, oft quoted AFC question, "why do Jerks always get the girls?" finds it's roots in this selfishness.

Understand selfishness is a realitve term and subjective to who you're applying it to. Is a guy an A-Hole for miserly counting every cent and persistently striving to achieve his ambitions at the expense of whatever women find him attractive and choose to be associated with him? Is he selfish if his accomplishments benefit her? How much more valuable is the attention of a man like this when he does express it?

What of a woman who withholds her intimacy and/or sexuality in order to modify the behavior of the men they're either directly or indirectly involved with? Are they selfish?

 

[DoubleA]

Rollo...

Thanks. I needed to read that.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Are you 'Shallow"?

This topic kind of touches on some other things I've been writing about lately. One of which is this subjective notion of what is 'shallow' and what is not. The term 'Shallow' is one of those epithets that women almost exclusively own and have found very useful for a long time for qualifying both sexes. Rarely do you hear a man use this term - however I wouldn't discount it entirely considering men's pandering to the feminine identity these days.

So what is being 'Shallow', is it the opposite of 'Deep'? How often do you hear a woman refer to a man, (or woman) other than in a mocking tone, as being Deep? Women don't selectively use this term (if at all) to describe the opposite of 'Shallow' because it isn't as useful as it's negative. 'Shallow' is generally a term used to imply superficalness of/or someone who puts themselves or other interests above what they think ought to be universally understood as 'important' or a self-evident truth - at least insofar as their wellbeing is concerned.

Really, Shallowness is a subjective descriptor, but in this instance, 'Shallowness' is yet another latent socio-psycological tool used by the female sex to, once again, self-regulate men.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
"Self-love is not so great a sin as self-neglect." - Henry V

And BTW, there is no such thing as altruism - even self-sacrifice is a form of hedonism. Stop kidding yourself. The women who complain about selfishness are themselves selfish in their complaint, but your thread does point out an interesting dynamic. The time honored, oft quoted AFC question, "why do Jerks always get the girls?" finds it's roots in this selfishness.

I tried to explain this to my last g/f who had on several occasions accused me of being selfish.

She just couldn't grasp the concept that we are ALL selfish, even when it APPEARS that we are doing something for the benefit of others.

People who are honest and unapologetic about looking out for #1 are more worthy of respect in my book. It's those who think they are above everyone else due to their selfless nature who are hypocritical and deserve the negative label.

This isn't to say that you should go around screwing people. Actually, quite the opposite. Most of the time the greatest benefit for yourself is derived from cooperating with others to help them get what THEY want. Sometimes two plus two equals a lot more than four.

 

[Vulpine]

Re: Are you 'Shallow"?

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
The term 'Shallow' is one of those epithets that women almost exclusively own and have found very useful for a long time for qualifying both sexes. Rarely do you hear a man use this term - however I wouldn't discount it entirely considering men's pandering to the feminine identity these days.

Actually, my buddies and I use the terms "Shallow" and "Deep" to describe women all the time.

Example:

"Did you hit that last night, Dawg?"

"Tssh... you need to ask?"

"Yo! How was it?"

"She's a little too deep for my taste, but at least she's clean."


I guess I'm "Shallow" around the guys, and "Deep" around the ladies.

 

[ElChoclo]

The tongue in cheek? "motivation" book "Looking out for No 1" by RJ Ringer contains an amusing analysis of social interactions.

The premise of the book is that before you consider doing anything for someone, ask yourself what's in it for you. If the answer is nothing, the author says don't do it. His theory unfortunately lacks the the requirement of Karl Popper, that it should be falsifiable. He explains for example, that helping someone in demonstrable need is satisfying a personal need by making one feel good. Unfortunately, he can't explain why all of the behavior he says should be avoided can't be explained in similar terms.

He is forced into this position because he doesn't want a devotee of his belief system to be demeaned for lacking human decency. It is his answer to his critics, but it doesn't solve the problem.

 

[MightyMate]

Im very selfish.

 

[Egoist]

pure selfishness is the key to self-fulfillment.

ultimately, anything nice you want to do for other people you do because of the way you feel/see yourself/etc. So yes, altruism in its poor form is BS, and selfishness is the true human nature.

Its also what build this civilization that we live in. Without selfishness we'd still be fvcking cavemen (and i don't mean that in a good way)

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm not so sure that 'selfishness' is the path to fulfillment per se, but I would encourage 'enlightend self-interest' - I can't truly help anyone else until I can help myself.

Hedonism is the natural state of man (and woman).