Are there ways i can get her or should i just leave it?

[Barrister]

OP,

Not sure what the activity is, but why not just strike up a conversation and invite her out for a drink after your next meet-up? If she says no, move on. If she says yes great. Either way, you stop just sitting around wondering "what if"/"What should I do?" Etc. This isn't rocket science. Asking her out is almost a win-win because if she says no you have your answer and can focus your energy elsewhere.

 

[pete101]

OP,

Not sure what the activity is, but why not just strike up a conversation and invite her out for a drink after your next meet-up? If she says no, move on. If she says yes great. Either way, you stop just sitting around wondering "what if"/"What should I do?" Etc. This isn't rocket science. Asking her out is almost a win-win because if she says no you have your answer and can focus your energy elsewhere.

Well if she says no then it is awkward when i go the group activity

And i want to keep going..

Also right now she prob would say no

I feel like if i ease off a bit i may have a better chance as she gets to know me better

It isnt something which you have one chance at it i see her every week assuming she comes and i have social proof from the other HB's

I honestly feel deluded as i am i would be perfect for her and vice versa but until she gets over her being creeped out potentially dating an older guy and gets to know me better she may overlook it

Either way im not/cant chase im being more elusive but also genuine, not some sleazy old guy who is just tryna bang her (although this is the way you should be)

 

[pete101]

Advice from the old lady:

Hi Pete. You honestly are being really obtuse and opaque here. Why not start off with your post like this.....

Ex: So I'm 38 and dig this 23 year old from sand volleyball league....I got off to a bad start cause I was laid up with a torn ankle ligament & wearing a boot....

See how such details immediately give us information and context to help craft useful responses?

You are talking around so many things that you are making it really tough to help you.

Are you in a team activity, like softball, an individual activity with social overtones, like skating or skydiving or bowling, or social activity like hiking or sand volleyball?

The context matters and will help us help you.

Im 38 she is 23 we meet up to play pickleball weekly

I dont see how these details make any difference to be frank?

 

[BeExcellent]

Im 38 she is 23 we meet up to play pickleball weekly

I dont see how these details make any difference to be frank?

Its context, which is helpful.

 

[Barrister]

Well if she says no then it is awkward when i go the group activity

And i want to keep going..

Also right now she prob would say no

I feel like if i ease off a bit i may have a better chance as she gets to know me better

It isnt something which you have one chance at it i see her every week assuming she comes and i have social proof from the other HB's

I honestly feel deluded as i am i would be perfect for her and vice versa but until she gets over her being creeped out potentially dating an older guy and gets to know me better she may overlook it

Either way im not/cant chase im being more elusive but also genuine, not some sleazy old guy who is just tryna bang her (although this is the way you should be)

If she "would probably say no," then stop obsessing over her and move on to a different potential conquest. You are wasting energy at this point. Hence why if you are going to move on anyway, why not ask? I don't see why asking her in a friendly way to join you for a drink would be awkward at all. If she says no, act casual and maintain a positive vibe with her. I can guarantee that if you are sending signals you're interested in her and she is seeing this internal battle you are having, THAT is far more awkward for her than you just asking her out.

My two cents.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well if she says no then it is awkward when i go the group activity

And i want to keep going..

Also right now she prob would say no

I feel like if i ease off a bit i may have a better chance as she gets to know me better

It isnt something which you have one chance at it i see her every week assuming she comes and i have social proof from the other HB's

I honestly feel deluded as i am i would be perfect for her and vice versa but until she gets over her being creeped out potentially dating an older guy and gets to know me better she may overlook it

Either way im not/cant chase im being more elusive but also genuine, not some sleazy old guy who is just tryna bang her (although this is the way you should be)

No it would not be awkward. You would make it awkward by your reaction of caring so much that it changes how you interact with her and others.

If you simply acted like you could not care less and move on with things and not hold it against her then it would be no issue and she would probably respect it a lot more than you sulking and acting down if she said no.

 

[pete101]

If she "would probably say no," then stop obsessing over her and move on to a different potential conquest. You are wasting energy at this point. Hence why if you are going to move on anyway, why not ask? I don't see why asking her in a friendly way to join you for a drink would be awkward at all. If she says no, act casual and maintain a positive vibe with her. I can guarantee that if you are sending signals you're interested in her and she is seeing this internal battle you are having, THAT is far more awkward for her than you just asking her out.

My two cents.

Because i want to keep going to pickleball getting rejected is not really something i want to be reminded of every week.

My plan is to see if she'll come to me and show interest. Whether that is fool hardy or not.

 

[pete101]

Its context, which is helpful.

Not in this case it is irrelevant and shouldn't affect the advice given

 

[pete101]

Some people are simply inaccessible, and no matter what you do, you can’t change that. You can’t force someone to be interested just because you want them to be. Trying to force it only wastes your time. Attraction can’t be negotiated, and sometimes it’s just a matter of who you are, who they are, and timing.

Focus on people who respond to you naturally, but if you really want to know, the simplest way is to just ask her out.

What happens also if a love rival appears in the picture?

I'm naively assuming I am the only one prowling but I immediately become weak needy and insecure cos a better looking rival has come along when really my mindset needs to be noone else is competition and always come from a position of strength?

I can only control what i do and how i react to it and i shouldn't look at this as a competition i need to win.

I need to reframe my mindset i think im still traumatized by losing a girl to a rival over 15 years ago and it is manifesting itself whenever a rival comes along but i have to accept that with an attractive girl there will always be rivals and competition so you have to maintain a superiority mindset that noone else can compete with you even if you end up losing

 

[BeExcellent]

What happens also if a love rival appears in the picture?

I'm naively assuming I am the only one prowling but I immediately become weak needy and insecure cos a better looking rival has come along when really my mindset needs to be noone else is competition and always come from a position of strength?

I can only control what i do and how i react to it and i shouldn't look at this as a competition i need to win.

I need to reframe my mindset i think im still traumatized by losing a girl to a rival over 15 years ago and it is manifesting itself whenever a rival comes along but i have to accept that with an attractive girl there will always be rivals and competition so you have to maintain a superiority mindset that noone else can compete with you even if you end up losing

Ok. You just stated your own problem. You are heaping fantasies and expectations onto this poor girl! Love rival? Seriously????

Pete. This girl has agency. She is not an object you own. She is not for sale through eBay to who ever bids or chooses "Buy it Now".....

BUT you are giving off a weirdo vibe to her because you have objectified her into a possession you gotta have.

You need to quit being obcessed first of all. Get a grip! Flush all this nonsense out of your head because you are broadcasting mega creep vibes to her.

You must dismantle all the weirdo ness and just keep going to play pickleball. At some point yes she will move on to some other activity besides pickleball. Thats what young people do.

I don't think you should ask her out at all. You need to cut the fantasies and expectations off in your mind because she is already creeped out!

Relax and be normal. Only after you recalibrate do you have any shot.

Jesus.

 

[Prepostereax]

In the immortal words of Roosh

The 9 Immutable Laws of Pick-Up

"If you find yourself having to ask for advice on how to get a particular girl, you won’t get her."

This oughta be stickied somewhere, whenever a thread like this crops up

I’m sorry but you’ve already lost her. Take a big step back and go meet another girl instead.

We could post-mortem this ad infinitum.
Basically you have Oneitis.
You have Oneitis, because somewhere in your subconscious, you know that she's only just out of reach.
We want most what we can't have, even moreso when it's barely beyond our fingertips..

 

[Clockwerk50]

What happens also if a love rival appears in the picture?

I'm naively assuming I am the only one prowling but I immediately become weak needy and insecure cos a better looking rival has come along when really my mindset needs to be noone else is competition and always come from a position of strength?

I can only control what i do and how i react to it and i shouldn't look at this as a competition i need to win.

I need to reframe my mindset i think im still traumatized by losing a girl to a rival over 15 years ago and it is manifesting itself whenever a rival comes along but i have to accept that with an attractive girl there will always be rivals and competition so you have to maintain a superiority mindset that noone else can compete with you even if you end up losing

An attractive woman will always have options.

As a man, your job is not to persuade the woman of your dreams to be interested in you; it is to choose from the women interested in you—the ideal woman for you.

The more interest you show, the more you repel the object of your desire. This is because your interest is too strong; it makes people awkward, even fearful. Uncontrollable desire makes you seem weak, unworthy, and pathetic.

Ignore what you can’t have. Contempt is a dish best served cold.

Thinking you need to apply pressure to a person you like because, if not, they will lose interest actually suggests that you are insecure and selfish.

Use any of the arguments above, and hopefully, you come to the conclusion as everyone here has have instead of dismissing them.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because i want to keep going to pickleball getting rejected is not really something i want to be reminded of every week.

My plan is to see if she'll come to me and show interest. Whether that is fool hardy or not.

You really need to get thicker skin. This should have zero effect on you.

Why does her opinion of you matter so much more than your opinion of yourself?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ok. You just stated your own problem. You are heaping fantasies and expectations onto this poor girl! Love rival? Seriously????

Pete. This girl has agency. She is not an object you own. She is not for sale through eBay to who ever bids or chooses "Buy it Now".....

BUT you are giving off a weirdo vibe to her because you have objectified her into a possession you gotta have.

You need to quit being obcessed first of all. Get a grip! Flush all this nonsense out of your head because you are broadcasting mega creep vibes to her.

You must dismantle all the weirdo ness and just keep going to play pickleball. At some point yes she will move on to some other activity besides pickleball. Thats what young people do.

I don't think you should ask her out at all. You need to cut the fantasies and expectations off in your mind because she is already creeped out!

Relax and be normal. Only after you recalibrate do you have any shot.

Jesus.

And this is why I have repeatedly said that "being normal" is one of the easiest ways to get laid these days,especially when doing OLD...this is essentially the default for women nowadays with men.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

"Get her." Is this some supermarket I'm unaware of, or are we talking about people with agency? Even if you are Jason Momoa or Edris Elba, she can still say no and have no earthly clue who you are or just not be 'into' you. Think about it more positively though. There are likely more than you think out there who would randomly think 'he's cute.' You won't figure that out by trying to "get" a particular woman. Just like a woman can't (or at least shouldn't be able to if you're worth your salt) 'get' you if the interest isn't mutual.

Wouldn't it excite the ol' flaggy waggy and jollies more if you swashbuckler your way into skipping past the ones you have to "impress" and find the ones who find you impressive?

If she's TRULY receptive to you and into you, you'd have to do something mean, stupid, or both to scare her away. Or ignore her till she's tired of trying and you just don't notice she's into you.

Sure, we should always seek to better ourselves and to shoot our shots, but when you get to the last page you already know the story. Pick up a new book. It'll be more exciting for you too, and eventually won't seem less daunting. You'll wonder why you wasted so much time on individual ladies over several months and awkward interaction after awkward interaction without so much as asking her out. Ask me how I know. hehe

(EDIT) Pickleball!? Dude! Gold mine! There are a ba-JILLION venues for that hobby now and the ladies seem to love it as well! More likely to find a fit or fitter lady this way too.