Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

[MatureDJ]

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by definition.

Many different entities will put on a singles night. It can be anything from an apartment community, to a Meetup.com singles group, to some other organization. Speed dating events count as a structured singles event, though a sub-variant of singles events in general.

I have been to singles events and have found that it brings out a weak talent pool of women, mainly no one above a 6. Also, the 5-6s act entitled AF. Many boring types come out, like female accountants and some careerists too.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Are these events worth skipping altogether? It's super easy to talk to people at these since women are expected to be approached.

I've met and dated a few Becky-tier chicks from them.

 

[MatureDJ]

I've never been to such an event but I'd imagine it to be a place where the leftover people go, i.e. socially awkward men and butt ugly women.

Of course there are the fatties, but there could also be some decent action there. I notice more short men & tall women at them then would be expected in the population.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Every single speed dating Meet I see has "men sold out" on it which suggests to me that the majority of the customers are male and they have very few females attending.

Women have no trouble finding a partner, single men easily outnumber women.

 

[SW15]

I've met and dated a few Becky-tier chicks from them.

Likely before online dating got de-stigmatized. Online dating websites (once they got de-stigmatized in the mid-2000s) and later swipe apps probably made these irrevelant.

Every single speed dating Meet I see has "men sold out" on it which suggests to me that the majority of the customers are male and they have very few females attending.

Women have no trouble finding a partner, single men easily outnumber women.

Speed dating, wow! That's been irrelevant for a long time. Single men easily outnumber single women in most major Western world metro areas. I'm more familiar with the stats in the United States than Australia.

Pretty much anything unnatural, such as any type of structured singles event, is going to draw a weak talent pool of overly entitled "5s" and be a shiit show for the men.

 

[Mike32ct]

I used to go to “singles dances” (as recently as last year).

The crowd was mid-30s++.

Despite the name, it turned out to be mostly a social club for people who liked to dance. Very, very few people ended up dating from there.

 

[SW15]

I used to go to “singles dances” (as recently as last year).

The crowd was mid-30s++.

Despite the name, it turned out to be mostly a social club for people who liked to dance. Very, very few people ended up dating from there.

That sounds like complete shiit for a man looking for dates from attending those.

Although dance classes aren't structured singles events, I found my few experiences with dance classes to be a waste of time in terms of arranging dates. In theory, dance classes are better than structured singles events because they aren't unnatural gimmicks.

 

[Mike32ct]

That sounds like complete shiit for a man looking for dates from attending those.

Although dance classes aren't structured singles events, I found my few experiences with dance classes to be a waste of time in terms of arranging dates. In theory, dance classes are better than structured singles events because they aren't unnatural gimmicks.

Yup. The “singles dances” were a mix of trained dancers (who took classes) and untrained dancers who just wanted to “freestyle.” Typical age was more like 50+, and there was a surprising number of couples (rather than singles) there. Of the single women, they would prefer to dance with regulars. It was sort of cliquey in that way.

I took ballroom dance classes for about 5 years. The teacher was hot, a 24 yo redhead. The ages of the students were all over the place, but generally 40+. Some people (but not many) did end up dating. (Definitely more than the "singles dances" though.)

But dancing is NOT some magic attraction "hack." Just by general observation, irrespective of dancing skills, people clicked or didn't just like normal, real life. Big Three (for the mature) or looks only (for the younger) was still the order of the day.

 

[SW15]

I took ballroom dance classes for about 5 years. The teacher was hot, a 24 yo redhead. The ages of the students were all over the place, but generally 40+. Some people (but not many) did end up dating. (Definitely more than the "singles dances" though.)

I had a couple of experiences with salsa dance post college. One occurred when I was 25. I went to about 4 classes. It was mainly 40+. That's useless for a 25 year old guy. I tried again around 30 for 1 class, which was mostly 40+ again.

With my experiences in salsa dance, my sense is that the lessons are only useful to get good enough for going to actual night venues with salsa dancing. As a result of that, I decided to watch YouTube videos on salsa dance and learn the footwork at home. Then, I'd apply the footwork in the clubs where I could meet women. It's a decent way for a White male to meet Hispanic women.

If you're a White male looking to meet Hispanic women through salsa, it's best to be both fluent in Spanish and be a superior salsa dancer to almost every other Hispanic guy in the venue. It's difficult to have both of those in place. Therefore, I learned it would be easier to play to existing strengths and attract-seduce women that way.

 

[Mike32ct]

I had a couple of experiences with salsa dance post college. One occurred when I was 25. I went to about 4 classes. It was mainly 40+. That's useless for a 25 year old guy. I tried again around 30 for 1 class, which was mostly 40+ again.

With my experiences in salsa dance, my sense is that the lessons are only useful to get good enough for going to actual night venues with salsa dancing. As a result of that, I decided to watch YouTube videos on salsa dance and learn the footwork at home. Then, I'd apply the footwork in the clubs where I could meet women. It's a decent way for a White male to meet Hispanic women.

If you're a White male looking to meet Hispanic women through salsa, it's best to be both fluent in Spanish and be a superior salsa dancer to almost every other Hispanic guy in the venue. It's difficult to have both of those in place. Therefore, I learned it would be easier to play to existing strengths and attract-seduce women that way.

Salsa is definitely superior to ballroom for meeting women. My former ballroom teacher (while not a salsa specialist) taught some salsa classes. I went to a few of the classes. There were some attractive latinas and some very hot eastern european women. I could hold my own with ballroom, but I struggled with salsa.

Salsa skills plus Spanish skills would be a potent combo. But, yeah, focus on one, preferably salsa footwork/patterns.

 

[SW15]

Salsa is definitely superior to ballroom for meeting women. My former ballroom teacher (while not a salsa specialist) taught some salsa classes. I went to a few of the classes. There were some attractive latinas and some very hot eastern european women. I could hold my own with ballroom, but I struggled with salsa.

If a man could get good at Country Western dancing and lived in the right area, he could do well with White women. I am White so that would make sense for me for White women. The problem is that I am not awesome at Country Western dancing. Re-creating Urban Cowboy could work. I have a solid Country Western dancing spot in my Texas city.

 

[Mike32ct]

If a man could get good at Country Western dancing and lived in the right area, he could do well with White women. I am White so that would make sense for me for White women. The problem is that I am not awesome at Country Western dancing. Re-creating Urban Cowboy could work. I have a solid Country Western dancing spot in my Texas city.

Absolutely. And there are some cross-over skills from ballroom to country western. Like there is a "country waltz." We don't have much CW dancing in the northeast, but I totally agree.

 

[SW15]

Absolutely. And there are some cross-over skills from ballroom to country western. Like there is a "country waltz." We don't have much CW dancing in the northeast, but I totally agree.

I am White. Since I am more culturally White than Hispanic, country western is probably better for me than salsa. Country western is better for meeting White women.

I went to a salsa dancing night venue in the past and it was LOUD. I have read online that the country western venue in my city is also LOUD. Pickup is difficult when it is loud. I prefer quieter places if I'm doing pickup.

 

[Mike32ct]

I am White. Since I am more culturally White than Hispanic, country western is probably better for me than salsa. Country western is better for meeting White women.

Yeah, understood. I'm white also.

 

[SW15]

The Country Western venue near me doesn't make a lot of sense for me because...

1. I am unfamiliar with country western dance
2. It is loud
3. I also don't have a major country western vibe to me

I think it would be fun if I could dance that style. I don't have a competitive advantage there. The loudness is a problem.

 

[MatureDJ]

Speed dating, wow! That's been irrelevant for a long time. Single men easily outnumber single women in most major Western world metro areas. I'm more familiar with the stats in the United States than Australia.

I had always thought that speed-dating has an abundance of buns, not sausages.

 

[BadBoy89]

When a woman goes to a “structured singles event”, it’s akin to online dating for her, the logical part of her brain kicks in and she wants James Bond; 6’2, rich, handsome, educated, house, car, good skin, great hair, ripped, one younger, loving parents and sexually gifted. It’s difficult for a guy to *connect*.

The same guy that would strike out at a singles event with 30+ year olds would probably be able to pick up a hotter younger girl in the lineup at a bank. Why? Her emotional brain kicks in. She doesn’t have time to analyze it, think about it, ponder it. She thinks
‘this guy looks ok, makes me feel good, I’m in.”

In my opinion, any decent looking guy should be able to pickup any single *isolated* girl in less than 45 seconds.

 

[Mike32ct]

In my opinion, any decent looking guy should be able to pickup any single *isolated* girl in less than 45 seconds.

Yeah, true attraction is very fast. There is no "long game" with women.

 

[SW15]

Speed dating, wow! That's been irrelevant for a long time.

Pretty much anything unnatural, such as any type of structured singles event, is going to draw a weak talent pool of overly entitled "5s" and be a shiit show for the men.

I had always thought that speed-dating has an abundance of buns, not sausages.

I had heard the bun abundance idea too. Regardless of ratios, speed dating ends up with a lot of frustration for both sides.

Women have liked the concept of going to speed dating events. It has greater efficiencies for them in terms of sorting quantity of candidates as compared to a regular night out at a bar, where the number of approaches they field would vary. They'd probably get more "approaches" in a speed dating event than compared to random non-bar approaches, especially if they are 30+, which a lot of female speed dating attendees are. However, a lot of the advantages of speed dating for women have been made redundant by swipe apps, so there's really no point in attending now for women. Speed dating did reasonably well in the website era of online dating (late 1990s-early 2010s) because website dating was stigmatized for the earlier portion of that period and because website dating required more mental labor than swipe app dating. Swipe app dating has been more socially acceptable than website dating ever was, even in 2010 when website dating had been de-stigmatized. A large percentage of women have done swipe apps as compared to website dating.

In a speed dating event, women are seeking top tier men, just as if they were sitting at home swiping. The expectations are increased as compared to is they were reliant upon their social circle for prospects or even evaluating their in-person approaches outside of a structured event setting. The problem with that mindset and search effort is that top tier men have no need to attend a speed dating event. They have enough prospects from swipe apps, bar approaching, or non-bar approaching if they are a part of the small percentage of men who bother to non-bar approach. The men who turn out at speed dating events are men outside of the Top 20%, who are generally undesirable.

These lower tier men are going into events massively thirsty because their penises probably have not gotten wet in a while. While some of these men might be in the 6-7.5 range on looks, they might be lacking social skills or money in those cases. Then there are men lacking looks, money, and social skills. Neither the good looking guys lacking social skills (and possibly money) or the average to below average looking guys lacking social skills and/or money are desirable to women.

For the men, they are dealing with a weak talent pool of women who believe that they are entitled to top tier men. It's not enjoyable for even a semi-attactive man like a 6.5 or 7 to deal with a 30+ year old, 5-5.5 looking woman who believes she's entitled to a top tier man.

The man will mark down mostly every mediocre option from speed dating as a "yes" in the hopes of being able to get his penis wet. Men will only reject a woman who shows massive attitude problems, is ridiculously fat, or a single mom while he's childless. Women will mark down every man who doesn't give her "all the feelz" in 5 minutes as a "no". Both sides walk away from the event with no matches and frustration. Only the organization promoting the event gets a short term revenue boost but suffers medium to long term brand damage from lousy customer experiences, leading to bad word of mouth marketing, both informally and on Google/Yelp reviews. This eventually leading to the speed dating company going out of business. The bar hosting the event sells a few extra incremental drinks.

When a woman goes to a “structured singles event”, it’s akin to online dating for her, the logical part of her brain kicks in and she wants James Bond; 6’2, rich, handsome, educated, house, car, good skin, great hair, ripped, one younger, loving parents and sexually gifted. It’s difficult for a guy to *connect*.

The same guy that would strike out at a singles event with 30+ year olds would probably be able to pick up a hotter younger girl in the lineup at a bank. Why? Her emotional brain kicks in. She doesn’t have time to analyze it, think about it, ponder it. She thinks
‘this guy looks ok, makes me feel good, I’m in.”

Speed dating events count as a structured singles event, though a sub-variant of singles events in general. The more common "structured singles event" is a general social event or mixer with all single people. It typically takes place on some weeknight at some bar or even country club type place looking to bolster revenue on a slow night. However, some singles mixers can happen on a Friday or Saturday night, though that's rarer since most night venues want to focus on their business from the general audience, which includes unstructured interaction between the sexes.

I agree that women at a structured event approach it a lot like online dating where they seek the top tier guys. Yes, it is difficult to connect.

I think you're right that there's a better chance to make a meaningful connection in some sort of unstructured setting such as a random bar night or some random non-bar approaching. The problem with random non-bar approaching and random bar approaching is that the man doesn't know if the woman will be receptive to an approach in either of those setting, especially non-bar approaching. For example, fitness classes are mostly women but it's difficult to get in a good approach at the end of fitness class. A good portion of female attendees at fitness class already have boyfriends and are not entertaining new approaches and/or are closed off to any sorts of approaches. This also happens at parks, walking paths, and on the general gym floor with the use of earbuds. Bars have the advantage in general of a more receptive audience but its own set of challenges.

The bottom line is that women at "structured singles events" are very easy to approach. It's a much easier approach than either random non-bar setting approach or a bar approach. The problem is that after the approach and first 1-2 minutes of conversation, making a meaningful connection is more difficult due to entitlement and unreasonable expectations.

any decent looking guy should be able to pickup any single *isolated* girl in less than 45 seconds.

That's unreasonable. A man can spark some attraction in less than 45 seconds, but it takes at least a 5 minute conversation to get a date agreement and collect a phone number.

 

[thermodynamic]

I am White. Since I am more culturally White than Hispanic, country western is probably better for me than salsa. Country western is better for meeting White women.

I went to a salsa dancing night venue in the past and it was LOUD. I have read online that the country western venue in my city is also LOUD. Pickup is difficult when it is loud. I prefer quieter places if I'm doing pickup.

I think dances are basically the sane equivalen tof structured singles events. These are unstructred singles events without the desperate vibes at the singles event.

 

[SW15]

I went to a salsa dancing night venue in the past and it was LOUD. I have read online that the country western venue in my city is also LOUD. Pickup is difficult when it is loud. I prefer quieter places if I'm doing pickup.

I think dances are basically the sane equivalen tof structured singles events. These are unstructred singles events without the desperate vibes at the singles event.

What do you mean by "dances"? High schools have dances, including Prom and Homecoming, but after high school graduation, "dances" are a foreign concept.

I have seen night venues that are centered around dancing. For instance, in my area, I can name venues that serve alcohol and are centered around salsa dancing or country western dancing. Also, there are nightclubs with dance floors with EDM and Top 40, but I haven't heard much of those types of venues. They seem to be disappearing. None of those venues I would call "dances".