sazc
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2016
- Messages
- 4,468
- Reaction score
- 3,402
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Are boundaries best communicated covertly or overtly?
- Thread starter El Payaso
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
- Not an argument.
- Not a working example.
- Not a boundary.
- Not a seducer.
Summary
When a man explicitly sets boundaries, he is using an ultimatum. Ultimatums don't work. A man can never say "You MUST do X" or "You MUST NOT do Y" and have it be effective.
This is different than not tolerating her BS and being willing to walk.
Boundaries should be implicit, and a man should put his foot down over certain actions as they happen. He should not set rules for her future actions.
In one case you're always happy either way, you're happy with her or without her. In the second case you are implying your happiness is based on her behavior, and that you'll be upset if you don't have her.
These are not the same thing and I think this is where the disagreement lies.
When a man explicitly sets boundaries, he is using an ultimatum. Ultimatums don't work. A man can never say "You MUST do X" or "You MUST NOT do Y" and have it be effective.
This is different than not tolerating her BS and being willing to walk.
Boundaries should be implicit, and a man should put his foot down over certain actions as they happen. He should not set rules for her future actions.
- Good (Implicit Boundary): If you want to date him, that's fine, but I need to cancel our plans for this week.
- Bad (Explicit Boundary) : You are not allowed to date other men, or else.
In one case you're always happy either way, you're happy with her or without her. In the second case you are implying your happiness is based on her behavior, and that you'll be upset if you don't have her.
These are not the same thing and I think this is where the disagreement lies.
wifehunter
Master Don Juan
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I love expressing my boundaries without uttering a word...this is an art that if you master it fvcks their head royally,took me a while to get it down as it requires you in complete control of your emotions.