Approaching 40, what should I do now?

[Gamisch]

For the sake of the argument let's say your competitor is the 25 y.o version of you.. offourse you should ne in shape, financially, mentally physically and spiritually.

The formula is simple: the older you get ,the more your assets will matter in order to get ( younger) women. If your are lets say 50 and broke...you might get a younger women here and there especially if you've been spitting game your entire life. But being broke at 50 AND being an introvert? No chance in hell.

So what more can you offer a woman at 50 than you could when you was 25?

Finally ( my personal opinion) I think it's kinda silly to say your age limit is 25 when you are 40. There are beautiful women who are older than 25 , and it drastically limits your pool. But that's a personal thing...the more leverage you have to more you can choose.

 

[Gamisch]

Not being rude. I am not a westerner, so I don't understand all of this.
But: Why did you not get married? Isn't it normal to get married by early 30s, have kids and enjoy?
If people don't then, isn't old age life difficult and lonely?

I did, actually. Reading news, historical books, new statistics on body counts, cheating, divorce rates. Where I live all of these are minimum (for now), and people don't really go beyond 30 unmarried without kids.

That's a nonsensical take imo. And it's far from a flex.

Places where "most men are married after 30" mostly exists out of men who literally stay virgins and live at home untill around 30 when they get into an arranged marriage.

Unexperienced men like this go from never or hardly ever being around women to sharing a life with them 24/7. Experienced men who been in the trenches know that they'll have to VET PROPERLY before they commit to something drastically as marriage.

And I'm pretty sure that most of those marriages are shiitshows. So to suggest that is kinda silly innit?

 

[plumber]

Sounds good in theory but most women who joint these types of groups are not hot.

disagree. just as hot, but wrapped.

 

[sevbucmash]

Time to get a family going, get married, get some kids happening. Pass the genome to the next generation. Otherwise, being a successful player and not have children is kind of an evolutionary dead end.

 

[Plinco]

I’m happy to say my attraction has changed. I used to only find women 19-25 attractive. Now that I’m approaching 40 my attraction has expanded to 28-29. Gives me far more options.

haha Lucky you

 

[Gamisch]

Time to get a family going, get married, get some kids happening. Pass the genome to the next generation. Otherwise, being a successful player and not have children is kind of an evolutionary dead end.

Lol

Don't you think that's kinda late?

Sounds like an option for 100% alphas. Anything less than pure alpha will have to date ,vet, play games, get rejected ect.

It's not like after YOU are 40 women stop playing games....

Im not even talking about climbing trees playing fussball, hide and sike ect while being 50 or older...50 is a grandpa age

 

[Lauel]

Unexperienced men like this go from never or hardly ever being around women to sharing a life with them 24/7. Experienced men who been in the trenches know that they'll have to VET PROPERLY before they commit to something drastically as marriage.

And I'm pretty sure that most of those marriages are shiitshows. So to suggest that is kinda silly innit?

1. True.
2. It's a ****show, true.
3. These men have a miserable life true.
The system worked fine till a while ago, and now fails for reasons we all are well aware of.
Also mind this, the question was never a suggestion but an explanation of where I am coming from.

 

[sevbucmash]

Im not even talking about climbing trees playing fussball, hide and sike ect while being 50 or older...50 is a grandpa age

Imagine 50 and still on tinder. Still single. ****!

 

[Gamisch]

Imagine 50 and still on tinder. Still single. ****!

Whats wrong with that?

So you say it's better to force a relationship, while the previous years a man wasn't able to get and maintain a relationship? But now somehow the universe is like " Jimmy turned 50, so let's disable female nature in his life".

I rather be 50 with some good money and dating women from tinder than to be forced into a lomg term situation with a woman because...I'm trying to impress other people.

 

[BeExcellent]

The trajectory you are on OP is often what happens. The strippers and bottle service experiences get boring.

So then the question for you becomes.....what is your goal where women are concerned?

I know you like young women 20-24 years old, but for what purpose? To what end?

Your next steps depend on the answers to those questions.

 

[plumber]

Lol

Don't you think that's kinda late?

Sounds like an option for 100% alphas. Anything less than pure alpha will have to date ,vet, play games, get rejected ect.

It's not like after YOU are 40 women stop playing games....

Im not even talking about climbing trees playing fussball, hide and sike ect while being 50 or older...50 is a grandpa age

grandpa age..... things don't really change, just the tool kit is different.

and women do stop playing many of the games. they know you know.... but only if you know that they know. and well, you know....

 

[Gamisch]

grandpa age..... things don't really change, just the tool kit is different.

and women do stop playing many of the games. they know you know.... but only if you know that they know. and well, you know....

But that goes for any age. A 25 y.o woman will also be stiffened with her games once she meets a man who clearly is miles above her.

Funnily enough even on a " seduction forum that studies relationship dynamics " most men's knee-jerk reactions will be the same ol same ol:" just become a simp and try to get married asap". This advise is probably the absolute worst, as it puts a man in a spot of desperation ( who wants it more?) As he will "hurry " together into a relationship . And we should know by now that 99% of men wil have to simp in order to keep a woman somewhat happy.

And yes by grandpa age I literally mean that. A man who gets kids around his 30th birthday is ...normal/ kinda late. At 50 that man could literally have grandchildren.

 

[viking22]

I think you need to learn to appreciate young healthy wholesome women. You should be mature enough to know that a lot of what you see in the clubs/bars and on social media is smoke and mirrors. Honestly as I age I realize that even an average looking women in her late 20s with a supple body and a youthful energy is very desirable. Certainly compared to attractive women in their late 30s who have had a lot of work done and have bad attitudes and are jaded. Moreover women like this are often treated badly by men their own age so are often willing to date a more mature gentleman.

If you want women in the 20-24 age range then you need a boatload of money and/or status and be comfortable with relationships that are mostly transactional.

As for ideas of where to meet girls

Social dancing....salsa, country (if you're in the South), swing, ballroom....I don't think it matters too much. Women love to dance and if you're a good dancer it doesn't matter how old you are to her and that gives you an in.

Jogging clubs....these are very popular with young people and you might get a younger/hotter crowd than the hiking clubs (although I think hiking lends itself better to striking up a conversation and is a day activity rather than a few hours after work)

Church/temple etc.....but don't just show up also get involved and help out. Once you have a bit of a status in the church attractive members of the congregation will notice and be impressed.

Volunteering....especially animal shelters etc....a lot of young girls love animals and want to help out at these kind of places.

Of course you have to approach these places differently than you would a bar/club and play more of a long game and that is only really impossible if you actually enjoy the activity. But it does you good and makes you a more attractive and more rounded person anyway.

 

[Bingo-Player]

This is the pick up artists greatest conundrum and why I've always said being single for vast periods in these age ranges just isnt sustainable

I think if you're not going for the nuclear family (which of course has many of its own drawbacks) you need something or someone to fill that void

I'm mid 30's now and I've had long periods where I've had girlfriends and I've had long periods where I've been single

Chasing and bedding new Pu$$y is fun and exhilarating but its a novelty , its not sustainable over a longer period especially as you get older a lot of women are just too toxic these days and will cause more headaches than benefits

The clubbing scene has become a posturing event , its not a place to go and have fun anymore its all about who's who and what can you do for me.

Combined with the physical and mental energy it takes to be in these places again its just not sustainable

I'm currently in a relationship she's kind and has my best interests at heart , we have our ups and downs but mostly life is pretty calm and I prefer this to being single plus it makes general living a hell of a lot cheaper.

I would get a GF for a couple of years it may not last but will give you a chance to relax and take a fresh perspective of life

 

[Gamisch]

This is the pick up artists greatest conundrum and why I've always said being single for vast periods in these age ranges just isnt sustainable

I think if you're not going for the nuclear family (which of course has many of its own drawbacks) you need something or someone to fill that void

I'm mid 30's now and I've had long periods where I've had girlfriends and I've had long periods where I've been single

Chasing and bedding new Pu$$y is fun and exhilarating but its a novelty , its not sustainable over a longer period especially as you get older a lot of women are just too toxic these days and will cause more headaches than benefits

The clubbing scene has become a posturing event , its not a place to go and have fun anymore its all about who's who and what can you do for me.

Combined with the physical and mental energy it takes to be in these places again its just not sustainable

I'm currently in a relationship she's kind and has my best interests at heart , we have our ups and downs but mostly life is pretty calm and I prefer this to being single plus it makes general living a hell of a lot cheaper.

I would get a GF for a couple of years it may not last but will give you a chance to relax and take a fresh perspective of life

Heres the thing;

Most men on average will bloom 10/ 15 years later than women do.

So yes, a 20 y.o woman is the equivalent of a 35 y.o man. Especially in terms of "knowing the game" but perhaps also generally in terms of attractiveness.

Why would a man figure out love, life, money fitness philosophy ect only to give himself just 5 years to enjoy the fruits of his labor?

After 40 ,most men will finally have the right attitude and assets to actually be a force in dating. But the narrative seems to be that after 40 life is over for a man? Nah, both men and women will be ( unpleasantly) surprised by how much they will still be game on after their fifties.

I seriously believe that in today's environment a man can more easily be a player / the one who leads the dance arlund 40 than when he is 20 ,broke lives in his mama's basement ect.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Heres the thing;

Most men on average will bloom 10/ 15 years later than women do.

So yes, a 20 y.o woman is the equivalent of a 35 y.o man. Especially in terms of "knowing the game" but perhaps also generally in terms of attractiveness.

Why would a man figure out love, life, money fitness philosophy ect only to give himself just 5 years to enjoy the fruits of his labor?

After 40 ,most men will finally have the right attitude and assets to actually be a force in dating. But the narrative seems to be that after 40 life is over for a man? Nah, both men and women will be ( unpleasantly) surprised by how much they will still be game on after their fifties.

I seriously believe that in today's environment a man can more easily be a player / the one who leads the dance arlund 40 than when he is 20 ,broke lives in his mama's basement ect.

Not so much he can't do it , its wether he still wants to be in the environments to do it

Often it means being VERY socially active and being out of the house all the time constantly engaging new people and expanding valuable energy often with next to no payoff

I mean at 34 I rarely can be bothered to go out once every couple of weeks let alone multiple times a week

When I was 32 I was going out like 3X a week doing social stuff after a few months I was so exhausted

 

[Knight of Roses]

For the sake of the argument let's say your competitor is the 25 y.o version of you.. offourse you should ne in shape, financially, mentally physically and spiritually.

The formula is simple: the older you get ,the more your assets will matter in order to get ( younger) women. If your are lets say 50 and broke...you might get a younger women here and there especially if you've been spitting game your entire life. But being broke at 50 AND being an introvert? No chance in hell.

So what more can you offer a woman at 50 than you could when you was 25?

Finally ( my personal opinion) I think it's kinda silly to say your age limit is 25 when you are 40. There are beautiful women who are older than 25 , and it drastically limits your pool. But that's a personal thing...the more leverage you have to more you can choose.

The problem though is, when you bring money into the equation, how do you prevent yourself from being just the older guy who utilizes assets vs being the guy that girl's just want to use to experience nice things that their 21 yo dudes don't have access to.

Let's be honest, most of these girls have rotations and rosters too. They have the broke dude who's great in bed, the rich guy who takes them to restaurants and bottle service, maybe the emotional tampon guy that listens to their problems, etc..

 

[BaronOfHair]

@BeExcellent "The strippers and bottle service experiences get boring"

That sh-t is like gang banging/even pretending like you're still immersed in that life... Once a man is out of his 20s, it's less cute than gals who are 30+ gyrating around on Daytona Beach during Spring Break, as if they were still 19 year old co-eds

Not saying we all need to get married and become domesticated, nonetheless once a fella hits his 3rd decade of life, The Cultuvated Gentleman is the ideal to strive for, not The Party BOY

 

[Gamisch]

The problem though is, when you bring money into the equation, how do you prevent yourself from being just the older guy who utilizes assets vs being the guy that girl's just want to use to experience nice things that their 21 yo dudes don't have access to.

Let's be honest, most of these girls have rotations and rosters too. They have the broke dude who's great in bed, the rich guy who takes them to restaurants and bottle service, maybe the emotional tampon guy that listens to their problems, etc..

But, by that time you actually ARE an older guy compared to her!

Why not embrace that fact? You cant compete with a 21 y.o guy at 40 because you ARE 40. He will be 40 too one day.

The biggest issue should be HIS problem; his pool of potential women gets downsized by you at 40 because Stacey onky has 24 in her day and can only be at one place at the time. At some point she will be tired of ducking sick in his mom's basement while he plays call of duty on a air mattress ( while you offer her drinks at a rooftop bar during the sunset).

Gotta work with what you got; that why my philosophy is that 21 y.o dude better be grinding because time flies, and if you are 40 with nothing to show for?.... that's basically game over.

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent "The strippers and bottle service experiences get boring"

That sh-t is like gang banging/even pretending like you're still immersed in that life... Once a man is out of his 20s, it's less cute than gals who are 30+ gyrating around on Daytona Beach during Spring Break, as if they were still 19 year old co-eds

Not saying we all need to get married and become domesticated, nonetheless once a fella hits his 3rd decade of life, The Cultuvated Gentleman is the ideal to strive for, not The Party BOY

Correct. Listen, I have seen plenty of men who get enamored (for a time) with strippers and nightclubs and being the cool dude etc. Remember, my first husband owned a big deal nightclub in a big deal nightlife city. His best friend was the GM at one of the biggest & most successful strip clubs in the same city. We used to go there for lunch to visit with this friend sometimes. The steaks were great (and less expensive than elsewhere, and of course there were throngs of mostly naked women walking around.)

So I am well familiar with all this.

Bottle service (most places) is a much newer phenomenon, but some smart club operator at some point decided to sell positional exclusivity within the club. You want the best table? You are paying a premium. You want the c o c ktail girls waiting on you and drawing attention to you in a hedonistic way, parading the champagne or Henessy or whatever out in a neon & sparklers procession? You pay a premium for that. We are talking baseline 4-5K for a bottle service lounge/booth on a Saturday night in the hot clubs, not includng booze, more during a special event weekend.

Meanwhile, people like me enjoy that same real estate for free because A.) We are attractive, B.) We know the right staff personnel, and C.) They like having beautiful people taking up the space until they can sell it for thousands, at which point, they advise us & we relocate. Everybody wins.

Many rich older men use this as a hook to get exposure to young hot girls. And it is most certainly transactional, and 95% of the time the girls and the attention from those girls dries up if these guys (who otherwise have trouble out competing the young buff dudes) stop paying the big bucks. It is pay to play for sure.

And then the guys (many of them) start feeling used, and wonder why it seems girls are only in it for $$$$.

Um. Because these girls ARE in it for $$$$. That is the trouble with leading with your wallet. Unless you truly enjoy the spectacle and attention (you are buying), and I know men who have enough to create a spectacular shjt show for their own amusement....then it is going to get old.

Two of the men who have enough to do this regularly, one is a hedge fund principle worth hundreds of millions (get on a private jet to go to Tomorrowland in Europe as a VIP at a moment's notice), the other is a corporate CEO who makes nearly 10M a year..... those guys can afford it. The first guy is in a serious live-in LTR with a gold digger party girl, the other is married and insists his wife not work anymore to be able to go wherever he needs/wants to go. Neither woman appreciates that her man enjoys all this and will do it, with or without her....but these women enjoy a rarified lifestyle that they neither one could afford on their own. So they stick it out (and they both genuinely like & love their men.) Both men are in their 60s, and attractive & stylish, the first guys gf is in her 40s, the married guy's wife is 60 but has aged very well. Both are petite, attractive blonds with fake boobs. In fact @BPH met both couples when he visited out here, since he dropped by to say hello & meet a daughter of one of these women.

For OP, you have to decide what your goals are. The spectacle and circus is ongoing and will chew you up & spit you out if you don't have an exceptional handle on who you are & what you stand for. Everything involves trade-offs. The hedge fund man has always for a number of years had a thing for me. I think he is smart, rich, funny, sexy & sweet. But I wouldn't ever allow that to develop because he is never going to be loyal. I require loyalty and fidelity. Super rich is nice, but its not enough to make me give up my principles and "look the other way". Maybe the joke's on me, who knows.

So you cannot expect to find a great LTR gal in this party fueled environment, although there are a few out there if you keep your eyes open.

Lead less with your wallet & your nice car & profession but use the skills you have learned in those settings to attract a woman who appreciates YOU rather than all your trappings.

Just my $0.02 & Cheers.