Approaches are awkward.

[OlympicTim]

Hey guys so im starting to be able to cold approach however whenever I do approach its always extremely awkward and I feel like the girl is uncomfortable. Do i just need to keep practising or js their a technique I can use to help with this

 

[marmel75]

Hey guys so im starting to be able to cold approach however whenever I do approach its always extremely awkward and I feel like the girl is uncomfortable. Do i just need to keep practising or js their a technique I can use to help with this

The more you do them the less awkward they will be

 

[amazingswayze]

well due to the law of state transfer if the girl feels awkward it's because you're giving off an awkward vibe. you need to sharpen up and give off a better vibe. practice being happy and having high energy. approach just for fun.

 

[RangerMIke]

If you are feeling awkward she will mirror your emotions and feel the same. This is why confidence works with women, if you are confident she will feel the same: confidence breeds comfort and she will be comfortable with you.

Just keep doing it eventually it will be nothing to you. It just becomes second nature... then one day you'll be talking to a woman you met on the street and not even realize what you are doing. Do it three times a day for 3 months.

 

[yun-j]

Awkward is wrong. Very wrong. It should feel like the most normal thing in the world.

 

[Young OG]

Did these women your approaching make eye contact with you and or smile? If your approaching women that haven't done either of those and do not know your even there, you are destined for failure.

 

[yun-j]

Did these women your approaching make eye contact with you and or smile? If your approaching women that haven't done either of those and do not know your even there, you are destined for failure.

I am fat overweight short badly dressed and not good looking. I don't get no attention from women whatsoever. So should I bother at all? At least if i give it go through personality and confidence I could change the mind of 1 girl out of 50. That's better then staying at home and masturbating.

 

[Young OG]

I am fat overweight short badly dressed and not good looking. I don't get no attention from women whatsoever. So should I bother at all? At least if i give it go through personality and confidence I could change the mind of 1 girl out of 50. That's better then staying at home and maturating.

What I meant is if a women doesn't even know your there and you approach her, most of the time she will think your a creep. I'm sure if a guy cold approached 50 women, he would get at least 1 number. I never said he or you shouldn't bother.

 

[OlympicTim]

Did these women your approaching make eye contact with you and or smile? If your approaching women that haven't done either of those and do not know your even there, you are destined for failure.

All these approches are done in university bar so not a lot of eye contact its mostly just a pretty girl walking by and me going to say hey. Should I try to make eye contact first or should I just keep doing what ive been doing

 

[Young OG]

All these approches are done in university bar so not a lot of eye contact its mostly just a pretty girl walking by and me going to say hey. Should I try to make eye contact first or should I just keep doing what ive been doing

Of course it will improve your chances a lot if she makes eye contact with you and she smiles. You can also try to make eye contact with her and you smile first, if she smiles back then approach her for sure.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I am fat overweight short badly dressed and not good looking. I don't get no attention from women whatsoever. So should I bother at all? At least if i give it go through personality and confidence I could change the mind of 1 girl out of 50. That's better then staying at home and masturbating.

If your not messing with an incompatible "group" of females, you should be batting way better than 1 out of 50, maybe 5-10 out of 50 and even up to 20 out of 50.

For a guy like you, you'd be better in getting yourself into shape and getting some body confidence, dress a bit better.

 

[yun-j]

If your not messing with an incompatible "group" of females, you should be batting way better than 1 out of 50, maybe 5-10 out of 50 and even up to 20 out of 50.

For a guy like you, you'd be better in getting yourself into shape and getting some body confidence, dress a bit better.

I am approaching girls who look like me. I read somewhere you should go for looks matched people which is what I am doing.

 

[ubercat]

Yep only thing worse than cold approach is not doing it. Its a 1 in 10 shot. But hey maybe u ll get lucky and hit it to n the 2nd walk up. But on average get used to 9 ÑOs And y should u care. Yr a random guy going up to some random girl. She won't remember u in a week s time.

 

[Reykhel]

Hey guys so im starting to be able to cold approach however whenever I do approach its always extremely awkward and I feel like the girl is uncomfortable. Do i just need to keep practising or js their a technique I can use to help with this

You're practicing a new skill. You can't expect to be in the elite category right off the bat.

Imagine that you're training for a marathon and your running experience is sporadic. To finish the marathon in good condition you'd need about 6 months training. You'd need at least a month to get your 'running legs' then you go through different training phases: endurance building, strenght building, speed work, putting it all together until your almost at breaking point, tapering perfectly so you arrive at the start of the race at PEAK CONDITION; you'd have to run five or six days per week (depending on your finishing time goal)....one hour or more a day and your longer run at the weekend...

Imagine if you wanted a black belt in a particular martial art.
How long would it take? years of dedication
Would you improve and get good on the journy? of course...filled with ups and downs...
Ask anyone who trains in a martial art....you suck at the beginning. But you have to push through "the painfull period" with everything new and life.

The first time I went abroad to study a language I was given a fantastic piece of advice that has stuck with me. By the way I would say 8-10 of my language teachers were rubbish or didn't care...two were fantastic (two men go figure). the advice was

"Look so many people think that just by going abroad and breathing the air in a foreign country they're going to become fluent in a language. It's nonsense. You must speak, speak, speak to everyone! The key to being able to talk in a foreign language? Talk!! Prolong your conversations with people. Make small talk with people at bus stops, in the bakery, in the park, in the street! People are dying for to talk! Give them the opportunity!"

he was right. Not only did I get really comfortable in the language but the extra social vibe this gave me has to be experienced to be believed.

So, talk to EVERYONE as much as you can! this will keep you permanently in the ZONE. You could say this is like having WARM UP SETS Get warmed up on people that you don't want anything from.......

Oh by the way waiting for a girl to smile at you and make eye contact before approaching is nonsense. During the day many people are in their own little bubble unaware. You must bring them into your reality...I'll give you an example of an approach I had during the summer that lead to her number AND the lay. I was walking up the street from town (middle of the day) and this girl was walking the other way, she was listening to her ipod, smoking and wearing a t-shirt that said "I hate you". I didn't get any smile from her and if she gave me eye contact it was a glance. I caught her attention like I want to ask her something. She pulled out her earplugs and I said "why do you hate me?" she was like "huh? "why do you hate me? she copped on smiled and there was the opening...

...another girl I actually tapped her on the shoulder as she was rushing by me on a crowded square (she hadn't even glanced at me) I said "where you going in a rush like that?" again her response was surprise "what?" I said "you know you nearly knocked me over" she didn't but then she was all "oh really? sorry!" opened....simple convo two minutes, number close.

She was a young Italian girl and she later said to me to my surprise "that's never happened to me before" (7.5). We have the impression that these chicks are being hit on in the street every day.....it's not the case.

Waiting for someone to give you a sign that it's ok to talk to them is like you're waiting for permission for her. Waiting for her to lead. You don't need anybody's permission.

This false belief "she will think I'm a creep" screams problems with inner game. Why would you be specualting on what a stranger MAY be thinking of you. In CBT that's classed as MIND READING. Also classed as an error in thinking.


I'll talk to anyone. It's especially valuable when you're with a girl to continue this. A guy walking by in a football jersey and it's match day "did they win today mate?" Local chinese store while buying water of whatever "how do you say good morning in chinese?"

Talk talk talk to EVERYONE!!!!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Alright, I know what your problem is. You aren't completely outcome independent yet. What does this have to do with cold approach? Well, you are somewhat relying on her to make things not be awkward. You shouldn't talk to her because you are FORCING yourself to, but rather BECAUSE YOU WANT TO. If you are already comfortable with yourself, then doing something FOR YOURSELF will be comfortable, which in this case is talking to random strangers. As we all know, women are a reflection of self. Thus means that if you are comfortable with yourself, then you are comfortable with them. They will reciprocate. Not always (cuz some people are *******s), but USUALLY.

All you have to do if you have trouble being super comfortable with them is PRETEND that you are. You will get positive signs some of them and will understand how to do this better. Cold approaching isn't just to get better with women, its to develop your social skills and to understand social dynamics a lot better.