Anyone have a clue on what she might be thinking?

[mm915]

Okay,, this is my first post....here goes...

Pretty much, I knew this girl last year, we were friendly, never got too close, and I didnt bother trying cuz shes what some may call "out of my league." Well it turns out that this year, someone told me that she thinks I'm "cute and nice." Beings that she had a boyfriend of 8 months, I didnt let it get to my head, and forgot about it within a few days. Well it turns out, one day she Instant messages me, and asks me if I ever noticed her staring at me in class. Sooooooo I tell her that I know about everything. So after that we became real close, I constantly was getting subtle hints from her that something may happen with us in the future. We became very flirty, and very touchy-feely when we spent time together. Whenever she was having problems with her boyfriend (which was quite often) she would talk to me. I wouldnt be a jerk about it and tell her to just dump him, even if thats what I wanted her to do. I would talk it out normally and offer her advice. Well, then about a month passed, and she and her boyfriend break up.

Now heres the problem. We are VERY close, but whenever I try to ask her to hang out (in a casual way, not asking her on a date or anything) she always has some excuse. And the other day, I asked her when she was free this weekend and she told me saturday night. So we agreed to do something on saturday. Then when saturday night rolls around and I ask her what she wants to do, she tells me that she is going to go to a party instead, even though we made these plans togather first.

Theres nothing more frustrating than getting these mixed signals, because I'm not sure what to do. She definitely once had an interest, considering she initiated everything (the telling her friend i'm cute/nice, IMing me, bringing up the topic of her staring at me in class, and the first time we spent time together.....it was her who asked)

So I'm really not sure whether she could have lost interest, or maybe shes playing that dreaded hard to get.

Anyone wanna offer me some help?

Thanks in adavance.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You have become her girlfriend. At this point the attraction is not there. Women do all kinds of things for all kinds of unknown reasons. Don't try to understand it, you'll drive yourself crazy.

Seems like she's the type who will "initiate" all those things you described, whenever she doesn't have a guy drooling over her. Some chicks can't stand it when there is a guy who is not pursuing her, so she is trying to get some attention by bringing up stuff like that.

You need to not be a pushover. You should have called her on her $hit as soon as she said she was going to a party. You never ask her what she wants to do. You call her up and tell her at what time you'll be pickin' her up.

You need to make a physical move the next time you are hanging out. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If she acts shocked, or like you two are just friends, then you saved yourself a lot of time and frustration. Don't "talk" about this stuff with her. It is show and tell from now on.

 

[PRMoon]

It's not too late for you. You're definately in the friends zone but not that deep in yet. Asking you for advice about her boyfriend and what not, then you replying is a definate sign that she conciders you a good friend, "cute and nice" and whatever the case may be, you're her friend.

You need to press the issue a more, and I don't mean next week or next month, I mean yesterday! Every DJ on this site will pretty much tell you the same thing with slight variations. You don't want to wait around developing feelings for a girl who's your friend with no prospects of her every becoming your girlfriend. The longer you prolong yourself in the friends zone the more difficult it will become to get yourself out.

You gotta tell her what's on your mind, get it out there in the open. The worst that can happen is she can say she thinks of you more as a friend, which is probably not what you want to hear but you can move on to other things/people because you know where she stands. She might change her mind later but at least she'll know how you feel about her and where you want your relationship to go. It might (MIGHT) get her thinking along the same lines and even if she says just friends, that might be just for the moment.

Action is necessary though. You need an awnser and you need it now. If she says yes then it's instant gratification, if she says no then oh well, you're young life will go on.

 

[Maverick_DJ]

So after that we became real close, I constantly was getting subtle hints from her that something may happen with us in the future

You shouldve escalated things, you cant wait around for things to happen, if you do that then chances are they wont. You need to be the one to take things to the next level, don't wait for her to tell you its ok. Im not sayin jump on her or anything, if you're with her again hangin out, try the kiss test. As PRMoon said action is necessary.

 

[car501]

Originally posted by mm915
Okay,,

So I'm really not sure whether she could have lost interest, or maybe shes playing that dreaded hard to get.

Anyone wanna offer me some help?

Thanks in adavance.

Playing hard to get ? Sounds more like just 'playing'. You still maybe have a chance here. Ask her out one more time, if she drops a cancellation or gives you an excuse why she cant go..thats it. No more contact from you. No emails, IM's, text messages or what have you.Don't call her to find out why or to tell her you are upset over her cancellation, just let it go. She'll try to squeeze you into the 'friend zone'. Unless you don't mind just being friends, you'll have to drop contact with her. Good Luck !

 

[mm915]

Okay, so I think what I'm going to do is just be cool with the AIM talking, I will talk to her and stuff, but I will save the real flirting for when I see her in person. Because in person we are always very close.

Its so weird and inconsistent, I dont get it, I feel like its a totally different person whenever I talk to her on AIM.


Thanks guys...

Any other help is welcome, or tips from past experiences. And I am very open to criticism, so critisize away!

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

You were just a comfort pillow during her rough times with her boyfriend. She showed interest only to make you her little therapist/girlfriend. You said yourself she talked to you about problems with her boyfriend. Now that they broke up and she doesn't need comfort anymore, you're yesterday's news. Ditching you last minute for other stuff is a HUGE red flag indicting near zero interest....if not zero.

Sorry dude, but you got played! Next time learn not be a chump and don't fall for these silly games women play.



P.S. Don't use IM as a judge of interest. In this case it means nothing. All it basically means is that she doesn't care enough about you to meet you in person, so she's lazy and will use IM instead.

 

[car501]

Originally posted by mm915
Okay, so I think what I'm going to do is just be cool with the AIM talking, I will talk to her and stuff, but I will save the real flirting for when I see her in person. Because in person we are always very close.

Thanks guys...

Any other help is welcome, or tips from past experiences. And I am very open to criticism, so critisize away!

MM, did you read the reply's ? Your gonna set yourself up for a fall. Let me spell it out for you.
1.Call her up and make a date for a specific time & date. Done ! Don't talk to her again till the date.Got it...
2. If she shows and you guy's have a good time, treat her like a girlfriend, not a sister.
3. If she doesn't show or bows out. Bang ! It's done ! No more contact with her because its obvious that she's not interested in you as a boyfriend. Good Luck...

 

[PRMoon]

Flirting is not enough, you need to SPEAK the words to her. Tell her how you feel. I'm sure talking to her on AIM gives you a false sense of security becaue she's not there infront of you and you don't have any accontability. You need to see her in person and TELL HER how you feel. Ask her out somewhere, lay it on the line . See her at school, lay it on the line. See her at a party, lay it on the line. YOU NEED TO LAY IT ON THE LINE, dont' be scared, it's not that big of a deal, but if you keep dancing around the issue you're only gonna be hurting yourself.

 

[penkitten]

you can do it !! :rockon::cheer: