Anyone ever dated an ex's best friend and she ended it because she's feeling guilty?

[Fela Kuti]

Hi, just want to share a story and seeking for people with similar experience.

So, I was seeing this girl for about 4 months. Since the beginning, she planned to tell her best friend about this but just hadn't had the courage so she was kinda stalling, waiting for the right moment, and just went along with me. But she did say, "I can't promise you anything."

Then in the last month of our "relationship" I started to escalate things. Apparently she wasn't too enthusiastic about this and started to pull away and being distant for a couple of days. She told me that she didn't want to get too serious before she cleared this with her best friend. I said okay, and I started to pull back too.

A week later, she dropped the bomb. She said she couldn't continue with me because she just didn't feel right about us. Even if the best friend had given her approval, she was sure their friendship would be awkward.

Of course I was disappointed, thought she chickened out. I even kinda felt I had been strung along. Other possibilities also popped up on my mind, like there's somebody else or her IL dropped. But I didn't say any of this to her, of course. I just said, "Well, if that's what you want I won't argue." When she asked, "We're still friends, right?" I spontaneously answered, "You bet." Maybe that's AFC but doesn't matter because now I'm NC-ing her anyway.

I also regret my decision to escalate things. Had I take it slower, maybe I'm still seeing her now.

Any comments are welcome

 

[Alex DeLarge]

4 months and she responds negatively to making moves on her? Sorry man you waited way too long.

I've gone on date with girls who were friends with girls that I had previously dated. One of them got a phone call from my ex mid-date and I could hear her saying nasty stuff to her on the phone. Chicks are cruel.

Nothing wrong with staying friends with the girl though. Just don't be best friends with her. Being around a girl all the time only to have her not be your girlfriend can get annoying. They'll CB you every chance they get.

 

[Fela Kuti]

4 months and she responds negatively to making moves on her? Sorry man you waited way too long.

I don't know what you mean by making moves but what I mean by "escalate things" isn't physical. I mean hinting at the future/exclusivity.

 

[perseverance]

There's a good saying that I always adhere to in situations like this "never sh*t where you eat".

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I don't know what you mean by making moves but what I mean by "escalate things" isn't physical. I mean hinting at the future/exclusivity.

Sorry I misinterpreted you man. Always let her hint at exclusivity first. If she doesn't want it, then you have a pretty much win win situation. Sex and no commitment!

These situations will almost always eventually turn exclusive though.. Unless she's a real dirty wh0re! lol

 

[tafakna]

Any comments are welcome

IMHO, her pulling back most probably has very little to do with her friend.

Girls will work these things out when they are really interested. That's why see was seeing you for 4 months behind her 'best friend's' back.

It probably would help what do you exactly mean by 'escalate'; but judging by some clues in your post I'd say that acting AFC is the real culprit.

 

[Iceberg]

IMHO, her pulling back most probably has very little to do with her friend.

Girls will work these things out when they are really interested. That's why see was seeing you for 4 months behind her 'best friend's' back.

Exactly.

When the attraction is there, the woman will justify all sorts of terrible things to stay with you. Married. Fugitive. Abusive. Broke. These are all things that we've seen or read about women overlooking to keep the man they want.

She's not breaking up out of "guilt". Either she found something new, or she lost her attraction to you.

It probably would help what do you exactly mean by 'escalate'; but judging by some clues in your post I'd say that acting AFC is the real culprit.

Agreed.

She probably wanted something light and casual, and this guy was dropping hints about wanting something serious.