Anybody on how to get the bartender?

[cfdagola]

Need some insight!

TLDR is at bottom

i've been coming into this bar a lot for lunch because its right next to the office.
lately this bartender has taken notice of me. I've seen her before but we never really spoke. I just got my drink and my shot from her.

At first they were just regulation shots then she started to pour doubles all the time and only charging for a single. I laughed one night when she kept pouring i'm like "I never thought i'd have to cut the bartender off."

She laughed and said "I mean you're in here every sunday night for a reason i figure why not make it a good one."

I said touche to that. Now i've started to see her when I eat lunch and she makes a point to sit with me and chat. She's even started asking me personal questions like what i do for a living, where I live, Things i like etc.

Now i've been a regular at bars before but it never gets personal its almost like a business relationship. This feels more like friendship/something else. I've asked about her tattoos applying standard seduction techniques touching her hands. hell i even ran my finger along her clavicle tracing a tattoo she had that interested me.

Last night as the bar got busy she was getting flustered and kept looking at me to put her at ease. (that felt strange for me because it was like we were making a connection) Also we spoke about how she feels when it gets busy during lunch a couple weeks ago.

also a customer was making her nervous because he was seriously hammered he was asking awkward questions about the menu. and she kept looking to me on what she should say or for me to do something.

So I stepped in an took charge of their conversation and kept him quiet and not bothering other bar guest (who were also getting uncomfy) until he got his food and left.

I'm about to leave myself and she goes you're leaving already? (it was only 8:15) I said yup. she said welll can the bartender buy you a drink, anything you want on the house. I said even a shot? she smiled and said anything.

i know i should have said how about i just get your number instead. would have been so smooth but she got me drunk by pouring such big shots

INSTEAD I declined because i was drunk But i left her a 40 dollar tip. (and no i don't usually leave 40 dollar tips. i usually under tip so for a 20 dollar tab i'd pay 3 bucks)

She asked me when i'll be in again. (another weird question even for a regular) and i said maybe for lunch sometime or sunday. she said i'd love that and shook my hand and i went home.

TLDR: I think the bartender likes me i'm getting a strange vibe from her. asks me a lot of personal questions. Calmed a drunk customer down because she was getting flustered. End of night she offers to buy me a drink after asking if i'm leaving. Asks me when i'll be in again, we shake hands and i leave.

How can i escalate this or see if she is attracted to me?

 

[Tictac]

A big tip.

 

[thefemaleinsight]

Looks as though she is interested in you. If she wasn't, she wouldnt be giving you all this extra attention. I think you should just ask her out. I guess the better question, is why don't you think she is attracted to you? And what can you do to build up the confidence to be forward yet smooth in your advances. Best case scenario, she takes you up on your offer. Worst case scenario, you build more confidence with asking women out.

 

[cfdagola]

Looks as though she is interested in you. If she wasn't, she wouldnt be giving you all this extra attention. I think you should just ask her out. I guess the better question, is why don't you think she is attracted to you? And what can you do to build up the confidence to be forward yet smooth in your advances. Best case scenario, she takes you up on your offer. Worst case scenario, you build more confidence with asking women out.

your right i mean why not ask her at least then i'll stop thinking about if she does like me.

i guess i'm just looking for a sure fire sign that tells me. Come get it.

 

[sylvester the cat]

A yes or no is your sure fire sign.

 

[thefemaleinsight]

You wont get a sure fire sign. Women are more subtle in there showing interest, actually she seems to be more direct with her interest then most women lol. Just be confident, appeal to her, and take a chance. I could be wrong, but it seems as though this is the case.

 

[fuko2007]

I dated a bartender one time. It's either a 100% yes or 100% no. They get hit on all the time. So you have to be ok with that. But don't even try unless you just want to bang her if she goes to the same place she works to hang out when she is not working . But the way I got her was being a regular. I'd wait till some guys came in drooling over her etc then make my move.

I.e. Be like what tool bags. Who drools over a bartender . I'd neg her then build her back up. I came in one night after a wedding and was still dressed up she was drunk " still working" and took her home that night.

I don't know if that helps but that's my story / advice. Sorry for the grammar I'm drinking but maybe you can use some of what I did to your advantage

 

[cfdagola]

$40 tip? How much was the bill? This could have a LOT to do with she wants to see you again. LOL. Now she's probably gonna expect another high-dollar tip from you. The minute you walk in, she'll start seeing dollar signs.

I've personally always regarded bartenders as a half-step above strippers. In fact, I'm told a lot of female bartenders strip or used to strip. That makes sense to me, actually. In my mind there's just something shady about them.

In my opinion the ONLY way a guy knows if she's interested in him rather than his wallet is to simply ask her to join him for a drink--at another bar, of course, when she's NOT working!

You k now what I would do? I'd bring along some hot, big-t1ttied chick. When your date goes to the bathroom, hit on the bartender and number close her. "Look I want to see you. What time are you off tonight? Let's get together at _________." I personally have always wanted to fvuck this really hot bartender near me. A few months back she actually initiated the idea of drinking a shot of Patron together. So the next time I go there, I'm going to bring the hottest, skinniest, biggest-chested chick that I can muster. THAT will probably make a bartender wetter than a fish. I personally think they're all at LEAST bi-curious and would love to outfvuck the competition.

Tab was 48 bucks I left her a 40 dollar tip. So just under 50%. And I put a cheesy smily face next to it lmao. And i would normally agree with you.

but Maybe i didn't make it as obvious in my quick story about this bartender.

but i never leave a big tip. in fact i usually under-tip her because i always round down on tips. Highest tip i've given her in the time i've seen her was 4 bucks.

also she didn't know i left that tip when she said she was looking forward to seeing me again. I kept my hand on the receipt so it be a surprise when i left.

not a chump about money though. honestly i was feeling good and just wanted to make her night with a large tip. it'll probably never happen again from me lol that and she's always giving me two shots for the price of one.

also on any given time i'm there be it on lunch or sunday night. she always makes her way back around to me. and there are other bar regulars that come in who she doesn't really converse with THAT much. in fact one of them thought i was her boyfriend by how she smiled and waved at me with that half hand pinky flirty wave. I think another thing holding me back is i'm still getting over a fresh breakup with a girl who's a year older than the bartender. Bartender is 23 my ex is 24 and i'm 32.

The ex demolished my heart and i've been no contact for about 3 weeks. but so did my younger ex before her. I think i have a pattern of attracting younger women and I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

so as it stands i sorta have a terrible outlook on women and I think at this point they're all in it to break hearts and laugh to their friends about it. haha. Still i like female attention maybe that's what i'm attracted to right now and not so much the bartender.

 

[fuko2007]

Bro . Don't leave big tips. I never left big tips. The only big tip she needs is yours in her. If you left that big of a tip like espi said she will be looking for it again and again and you will just be that guy she woes and gives attention to when you come in. Take my advice .

 

[cfdagola]

Bro . Don't leave big tips. I never left big tips. The only big tip she needs is yours in her. If you left that big of a tip like espi said she will be looking for it again and again and you will just be that guy she woes and gives attention to when you come in. Take my advice .

lmao.

as i said i've never left her a big tip before that night. and she blundered around the really drunk dude even dropping a glass all over herself and him laughing about it.

i shut him up. she looked upset after that and it was getting busy. her emotional state you can't fake.

that's why i felt weird when she would look at me for reassurance.

I just wanted to perk her up. If she thinks it's coming again or brings it up when i see her which i'm thinking she will. i'll just tell her it was a once in a lifetime thing and use that to escalate and get her contact.

it would be a different story if i gave her a big tip the first day i saw her. Because then she would have motivation to give me flirty looks. But She was already giving me a lot of personalized attention before that for weeks.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Some point halfway through the clusterfvck nightmare of an experience that was dating my ex, I remember meeting up with my sister one night at a nearby bar, venting to her over a beer when she interrupted me in midsentence to offer this bit of 'advice': "...wine and dine her man. Trust me. Wine and dine her. Works everytime." If I didn't have months of trying that very (beta bucks-esque) method to no avail, I suppose I would have given squeezing the good ol square peg into the round hole another shot, but by then I was beginning to wise up.

Point is ...geez, the hell was my point again? Oh yeah, be the skittles guy:

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/be-a-skittles-man/

 

[fuko2007]

Ok. Well just don't be that one regular that is her "medium" at the bar. It's a fine line to walk. But you have this . Just be a fun guy. Get your drink and and go start talking to people then pop in and out for a drink and chat with for a minuet or two when you do. That's how I started with mine. Props on ****ting drunk guy up. Next time you go in get her number . But don't call her. Show up a day or two later and she will be like why didn't you text or call etc. make up some excuse like you were bear hunting with Vladimir Putin or something intresting . I did that when I showed up after the wedding and it was gravy after that . Give it a shot.

 

[cfdagola]

Ok. Well just don't be that one regular that is her "medium" at the bar. It's a fine line to walk. But you have this . Just be a fun guy. Get your drink and and go start talking to people then pop in and out for a drink and chat with for a minuet or two when you do. That's how I started with mine. Props on ****ting drunk guy up. Next time you go in get her number . But don't call her. Show up a day or two later and she will be like why didn't you text or call etc. make up some excuse like you were bear hunting with Vladimir Putin or something intresting . I did that when I showed up after the wedding and it was gravy after that . Give it a shot.

lol what's funny is that's exactly what i was going to do. If she gave me her number which honestly i think she will if she has any sort of attraction.

i wasn't going to call or text and just show up sometime for lunch a few days later or my regular sunday night.

 

[cfdagola]

She's definitely either gonna feel really weird the next time she sees you, or, if she lacks character, she's gonna expect another big tip from you. Either way, not a good move on your part, in my opinion. You may have just fvucked up any chances of ever sticking your dvick in her hole.

You wanna be DIFFERENT. Be the DJ.

How many guys do you think overtip her, thinking they'll get a shot?

I'm serious now. Do a 180. Bring a hot chick along the next time you go. And openly hit on both of them. That is the only thing I would do at this point. I would OBLITERATE the nice-guy White Guy Beta Orbiting thing you did last time.

You made her day. Congrats. She probably had a good chuckle with the other bar staff when she showed off that tip.

i doubt if there was a chance i messed it up. Now what would be weird is if actually cared about her reaction to my tip and went in there the next day she was working and ask if she liked the tip.

THAT would have messed it up. But considering i probably won't see her until a week later or longer if i don't get out there i doubt it. And i hope she showed that tip off.

I know i would.

 

[fuko2007]

Do it. She will ask where you have been and why you didn't text or call her. Give some interesting excuse . This goes with the part of making her think she is not good enough for you so she will work harder as of this point to prove she is. Just do it . I bet she will start coming out from behind the bar etc to talk and get closer to you and then guess what? Your in like sin my friend .

 

[cfdagola]

Oneitis creeping into the mind like a subtle ugly one-eyed monster.

I'm reading a plethora of nice guy variation afflictions in the post above. White Knighting...Orbiting...Pedestalizing.

She's a bartender and likes to be fvucked by guys who treat her as such. The guys who fvuck her are actually rare. The guys who don't fvuck her are treating her like a queen--which is what you seem to be doing now.

This is not meant to flame you but rather shock the niceguy syndrome out of you.

I think i'm not articulating my demeanor around her that well.

I know her name already and i still call her "bartender" she grins every time I do it. Why do I call her bartender? I dunno. I tend to flirt that way like calling people princess or whatever comes to mind.

I'm not outcome dependent so my interactions with her are free flowing. on lunch on week i just straight up told her i'm high as hell. she laughed for a good minute and told me she loves to smoke.

If i was "worried" or had "oneitus" i wouldn't even attempt to say crap like that for fear of rejection.

Like i said the only reason i haven't number closed is one i'm feeling down on my self esteem because of a recent breakup also I just found out she's only 23. That's way to young because i just broke up with a 24 year old. Hell the only reason i drink there on sunday nights is because that's when me and the ex would drink there. So this girl has already seen at least one cute girl i've been around consistently. I'm 32 by the way.

I fear i'm falling into a pattern of attracting young women that really don't know what they want in a partner. And its caused the last 2 heartbreaks.

I think i just like her attention.

 

[VladPatton]

Experiment.

Go in and order 4 beers. Do NOT leave a tip between them. Say goodbye and leave. If she is nice to you the next time you go in there, you've just found your future girlfriend.

I would trust a bartenfingnchick for $hit. They're on par with strippers. They want cash, and you're the ATM. Highest tipper wins.

 

[cfdagola]

Go in and order 4 beers. Do NOT leave a tip between them. Say goodbye and leave. If she is nice to you the next time you go in there, you've just found your future girlfriend.

I would trust a bartenfingnchick for $hit. They're on par with strippers. They want cash, and you're the ATM. Highest tipper wins.

haha touche.

although that would piss me off if that was me. I basically just served you for free.

Maybe only tip 1 dollar for the 4 beers total. and then follow up with result. although every time outside of sunday night i've always tipped 3 dollars for 20-28 dollar tabs. So i've actually been under tipping her since the first day she poured me a drink. But your point is a solid one.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Easy. Especially as she was clearly showing interest.

Upon buying your last drink, you should have offered her one too. Then as you leave, you write your number on a napkin hand it to her with something along the lines of 'Here is my second gift of the evening to you' and then you leave, not to be seen nor heard of again until she contacts. Simple.

Though it now looks like you're going to have to go back and start the whole process again. You weren't nearly spontaneous enough.

PS. a shake of the hands without the number exchange is BS.

NB. Kudos to Tictac for 'A big tip'....!