"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Another Lady asking for advice
- Thread starter kathy
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I personally believe he is probably a REAL DJ. In the sense that he has some qualities that over-shadow the fact he is not interested in committing with you or anyone.kathy said:Well for what its worth I did walk away in January. It wasnt the first time tho. He has me hooked. Im really just trying to understand what it is about him that Im having a hard time letting go of, and what that says about me
I past history of cheating. The last two women that were involved with me in a SERIOUS and COMMITTED relationship sensed that about me (they suspected that I cheated in past relationships). And do you know what? They were willing to overlook that part of my past. They were willing to overlook a lot of things (although, I suspect that if I cheated on them, they would have dumped me) about my past. The reason was because I had qualities that far outweighted my past indiscretions.
I sense your situation is like that.
However, here is the difference...he is openly sleeping with another woman and he does not have ANY desire to be in a serious relationship with you (I am assuming you have asked for it and he declined).
iqqi
Master Don Juan
It says you are desperate. Now go read KILL THAT DESPERATION by the great Pook.kathy said:Well for what its worth I did walk away in January. It wasnt the first time tho. He has me hooked. Im really just trying to understand what it is about him that Im having a hard time letting go of, and what that says about me
Gee thanks alot iggiiqqi said:It says you are desperate. Now go read KILL THAT DESPERATION by the great Pook.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
I would be careful with what I would share as men and women are DIFFERENT. There is not such thing as "female" DJs ad DJism is about masculinity.iqqi said:It says you are desperate. Now go read KILL THAT DESPERATION by the great Pook.
I have always said that there are considerably more "quality women" than "Real DJs" (as defined by me) out there. And I am sure Kathy knows that too.
One of the reasons I am in a relationship (and not sleeping around) is because my current girlfriend treats me with respect. She is AVAILABLE for me. And she also knows when to say no and do not accept any disrespect. She also has other things that I like a lot (she is VERY sexy...VERY attractive...educated...professional...has NO "daddy" issues...it is not a single mother...and does not sleep around).
I preach men to become DJs...and women to become Quality women. I feel that the sooner you start working toward that (DJ and Quality Woman) the better.
Applying the advice designed for man...can actually back fire.
iqqi
Master Don Juan
Most of the Pook articles and the DJ Bible material are about respecting yourself, and being a better person. It does apply to women. You just have to read between the lines. Of course I didn't apply anything he said about how to bulk up and not be skinny. But his wisdom applies to men, AND women, when it comes to relationships, especially the one with yourself.Latinoman said:I would be careful with what I would share as men and women are DIFFERENT. There is not such thing as "female" DJs ad DJism is about masculinity.
I have always said that there are considerably more "quality women" than "Real DJs" (as defined by me) out there. And I am sure Kathy knows that too.
One of the reasons I am in a relationship (and not sleeping around) is because my current girlfriend treats me with respect. She is AVAILABLE for me. And she also knows when to say no and do not accept any disrespect. She also has other things that I like a lot (she is VERY sexy...VERY attractive...educated...professional...has NO "daddy" issues...it is not a single mother...and does not sleep around).
I preach men to become DJs...and women to become Quality women. I feel that the sooner you start working toward that (DJ and Quality Woman) the better.
Applying the advice designed for man...can actually back fire.
Besides, we have different opinions on what is masculine and feminine. I think yours is way too extreme, but on the right track.
As far as the Bible goes, not being desperate, respecting oneself, and improving oneself, are neither masculine nor feminine qualities, IMO.
iqqi
Master Don Juan
iqqi said:Most of the Pook articles and the DJ Bible material are about respecting yourself, and being a better person. It does apply to women. You just have to read between the lines. Of course I didn't apply anything he said about how to bulk up and not be skinny. But his wisdom applies to men, AND women, when it comes to relationships, especially the one with yourself.
Besides, we have different opinions on what is masculine and feminine. I think yours is way too extreme, but on the right track.
As far as the Bible goes, not being desperate, respecting oneself, and improving oneself, are neither masculine nor feminine qualities, IMO.
Here is the thing...I don't like reading between lines when it comes to SERIOUS advice that can change people's life.
POOK seems to be some kind of legend for some of you. Personally, I don't know much about the guy...so, I have to take everything he writes with a grain of salt. He writes well...and so does a lot of people.
My advice is based on personal experience...and based on the actual person asking the advice. My advice to Kathy could be completely different to advice I might give Penkitten...if both women were under the same circunstances. As advice can change depending on who the "players" are. Heck, my advice to Kathy can change if I get additional information that can make me reconsider.
Now...I agree that self-improvement (career, etc.) is sexless.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
"A forum for DJs at least 25 years old to discuss problems, situations, and techniques UNIQUE to older and more mature men."
Is there a catch-all thread somewhere posted by the administrator which explains the obvious contradiction between these forum headings and what actually is allowed here? Heck, even our largest "Don Juan Discussion" heading says: "Discuss meeting, dating, and attracting women with others. Ask a question or give advice." Lets maybe sticky this thread, if it exists, so I'm a little less confused!
(No offense intended, Kathy)