"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Analyze this girl's behavior

WhitePimp

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I'm pretty stumped about where it went wrong with this girl. I've nexted her but would like some outside advice on where I messed up. I honestly don't think I fvcked up at all...maybe she just got scared, or a new dude came along, or whatever...but I'm damn confused. Excuse the length, I just wanted to be thorough.


I met her at work, never really talked to her, just BSed every now and then with her. One day she looked real hot so I asked her if she was hungry after work and if she wanted to get food. We eat, she seems cool, so I get the digits. She's extremely shy, and I often confuse this with disinterest (this may be a huge factor in her interest in me but whatever...)

I call her up two days later and ask her out for that night (Wednesday). She agrees and we meet up at work and take my car. We go mini-golfing. (I got lost on the way there so we had tons of time in the car to talk...I DHVed quite a bit and asked her some personal questions. But it was lighthearted the whole time and I learned a lot about her). We play golf, I tease her and encourage her, etc. I do some kino, met with no resistance, and we finish and head back. I stop at a park and we go on some swings for like 15 minutes and just talk (this is my all-time favorite thing to do with a girl...the swings ALWAYS work!!! :p ) and afterwards I walk up close to her, tell her to "come here" and make out with her. It was awesome. I drive her back, we make out some more, and we go separate ways.

I see her Friday at work when I grab my check and she seems really disinterested. I know she's shy so I give myself the benefit of the doubt and say a quick hi and bye and bail.

I call her up Monday and set something up for that night. She tells me she doesn't know and will call me back later that night. She DOES call me back and she says she can go out. Awesome. We meet up at work again, hug, and head out. We go bowling and she's super hesitant and withdrawn, so I ask her some open ended questions and get her talking again (and kino her a bit). We leave and go get some ice cream. We walk around talking and eating ice cream for a bit and we make out again heavily when we're done. I ask her to watch a movie at my house and she agrees. We lay on my bed and watch the movie and she cuddles up with me. I taunt her a bit to encourage a makeout and we start going at it on my bed. I keep reaching up her shirt but she pulls my hand away. I attempt her pants later on, and her shirt again, all met with resistance...so I give up. It was a second date and I actually respect her for not banging me right away...seems rare nowadays...I drive her back to her car and tell her I'm going to the beach Wednesday and if she wants to come to call me Tuesday. We have a heavy makeout and she goes.

No call from her on Tuesday. On Wednesday afternoon she texts me and says she's sorry but she sick and doesnt want to leave the house. I say "that sucks, it's beautiful down here today" etc. I call her Thursday night and say "I'm going to be busy the next few days, so I want to see you tonite". She says she's still sick, will also be busy the next few days, and doesnt think she should go out that night.....hmmmm....my BS meter is going apesh!t at this point...but whatever.

I see her at work on Friday (check day again) and she does seem a bit sick but I can smell an excuse a mile away. She's standoffish and once again, I give myself the benefit of the doubt and assume she's interested but just shy. I'm busy Friday-Sunday so I text her today and make a joke about hitting on my male manager since she's not there. She texts back amicably. I call her on my break, leave a message, and....nothing yet.

It seems like somewhere between last Monday and Wednesday she completely lost interest. Does anyone see a mistake I don't? I'm not leaving anything out...I'm just curious as hell as to what could've happened since we left our last date a week ago on such great terms. I hate to next this one, but something just doesn't feel right.
 

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Jblitz59

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I drive her back to her car and tell her I'm going to the beach Wednesday and if she wants to come to call me Tuesday. We have a heavy makeout and she goes.

No call from her on Tuesday. On Wednesday afternoon she texts me and says she's sorry but she sick and doesnt want to leave the house. I say "that sucks, it's beautiful down here today" etc. I call her Thursday night and say "I'm going to be busy the next few days, so I want to see you tonite". She says she's still sick, will also be busy the next few days, and doesnt think she should go out.....hmmmm....my BS meter is going apesh!t at this point...but whatever.
She basically flakes on you and all you do is rationalize it? You should be pissed at her because she has not made it up to you. The problem is you are giving her the control to disrespect you. She has the power
 

WhitePimp

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Yeah I see what you're saying, but she's not my girlfriend, we'd only been on two dates, and I was going with or without her (I actually went with another chick). I do feel disrespected, but she never actually gave me a definite yes or no so the disrespect is more my insecurity than hers (overthink much? :cheer: )
 

Daddy The Pimp

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Don't worry man its nothing. Keep being persistent. She might be testing you. She might be playing hard to get. She might be really sick. Also , call her sometimes and tell something cool over a phone , tell a joke or do something other than just calling and wanting to go out with her. Try to run some comfort now. I might be wrong.
 

Igetit!

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Well,Ive read the thread twice,and the only error I see is you going too far too soon. You repeatedly said that this girl was shy. So trying to "go for her pants" on a second date was probably too much for her. She trusted you enough to go back to you place,but to go ALL THE WAY with you,no,I think that was a bit too much to ask of her.

Judging by her behavior,she's obviously not comfortable with you enough to sleep with you. You know the model:A.C.S/attraction,comfort,seduction.

You either skipped over,or rushed through the comfort stage.

When you brought her back to you place,you should have done everything you did:cuddle on the bed together,watch a movie,make out a little...then you should have stopped,give her another kiss,then TOOK HER HOME.

This way,with you having her over to you place alone and NOT TRYING to sleep with her,her trust and comfort with you would have greatly increased.

She'd been like,"Well,he's obviously not just after sex. I'm mean he had me alone at his house,and he didn't even try anything".

By pushing too hard too fast,you probably scared her off.

If you get her out on another date,start building comfort again. Keep holding her hand,hugging her,and making out with her to make sure you don't fall into the friendzone,but DON'T TAKE HER BACK TO YOUR PLACE.

Remember,your place is where the discomfort originated most likely.

The instant you mention going back to your house,she'll probably freeze up or withdraw from you. Just keep going out and doing things like you did on the first two dates.

Maybe after 3 or 4 more dates,she feel comfortable enough to be alone again with you at your house.

It usually takes more to free up a girl if she's shyer than the average girl.
 

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You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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WhitePimp

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Thanks for the replies guys. She is extremely shy, but the curious thing is I didn't really push too hard to have sex with her. I made a grab for the bra, she pulled my hand away, and we went back to laying together watching the movie for 15 minutes. The SHE would climb on top of ME and literally straddle me and start making out, I'd reach for the bra and panties and she'd push my hands away. I didn't force anything or get pissed, I just kept trying until I realized it wasn't going to happen, then we just finished the movie and took her back.

I don't know man, my interest is starting to go down for her...she's a sweet girl but I don't feel like guessing about her interest in me.
 

Joe Stud

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Taper back a bit, let her miss you. Be a bit aloof & indifferent... mysterious. Patience. See if she comes to you. If not, go in Fri for your check all upbeat like nothing is wrong, and ask her how shes feeling. Be cool. Meanwhile I like that you went out with another chick. Spin those plates!
 

Zunder

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I think there is another guy - perhaps a recent breakup? She got some issues that you don''t know about.

Honestly, I got tired years ago of chasing girls like this.

Something else is on her mind and you are therefore you are not her number one prioirty - it's whether you can be bothered putting in all this effort and perhaps only ever cop a bit of a feel.

If she doesn't let you fvck her on the the next date - then next her ass.
 

Commandante

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Igetit! said:
Judging by her behavior,she's obviously not comfortable with you enough to sleep with you. You know the model:A.C.S/attraction,comfort,seduction.

You either skipped over,or rushed through the comfort stage.

When you brought her back to you place,you should have done everything you did:cuddle on the bed together,watch a movie,make out a little...then you should have stopped,give her another kiss,then TOOK HER HOME.
That´s the point.
 
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