An Update on Me (If you care)

wjh

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So long story short, I'm divorced a full 3 months now. My divorce/separation journey began about a year ago when my ex asked me to leave our home. I have a 3.5 month old son who is my heart and soul and a constant reminder about what is most important.

About 6 months or so ago I started to feel comfortable enough to begin the process of talking other girls, ladies, whatever you call them when you're in your mid-thirties and they're of varying ages. I've had some hook ups, very bad and bad dates, but nothing amazing yet (and that's OK).

The reason I'm writing this thread is because I just wanted to share how I feel about a rejection that occured literally 3 minutes ago at a coffee shop as I'm writing this. I work from home, I'm in consulting, so sometimes I work at coffee shops for a change of pace. Today, I saw this really sexy girl, in my books she was practically perfect and is physically everything I wanted.

Meanwhile, I'm literally waiting for a 22 year old girl I'm sort of dating come and hang with me. But I wasn't expecting this hotter girl, so timing was an issue and I needed this hot girl to leave right away so I can get her number in the least awkward way possible without publically putting her on the spot. So she left just before the 22 year old was slated to come, and I went outside and said hi and that I had to ask her for her number. I was rejected, and that wasn't a great feeling but it actually didn't bother me very much. I was super excited that I even did that because I need constant self-confirmation that I'm doing the right thing and even though it's been a long time, I'm hitting on girls that I think are "perfect" 9's/10's and not focusing on the outcome. What's important is that I tried and didn't bull**** myself or her into some manipulative conversation about **** I don't truly care about. I wasted no time.

I think I just reached a milestone post-divorce and wanted to share.

Happy hunting fellas.
 

teebear

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Glad to hear that you're doing alright.

Putting myself in these girls' shoes, I'd want at least a minimal comfort level before giving out my number. Stone cold approaches must startle a good number of them, especially in the middle of the day. I wouldn't read too much into, if anything. It's all about context.

That said, I approach attractive women and chat them up, every single day. It helps to build charisma and confidence and develops outcome independence because I don't want anything back from them other than a smile. I get the smile 99% of the time.

It's clear that your confidence is building and that is one of the cornerstones of success with women. Well done, sir.
 

wjh

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That's true, I think if there's one thing I would do differently next time is maybe slow it down a bit and strike up more of a conversation first, to build that comfort, before attempting the # close. But I'm still content that I even tried.

Thanks for the feedback.
 

teebear

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That's true, I think if there's one thing I would do differently next time is maybe slow it down a bit and strike up more of a conversation first, to build that comfort, before attempting the # close. But I'm still content that I even tried.

Thanks for the feedback.
That's the thing with calibration... you have to figure out for yourself what's too much and too little. Doesn't take long, either. The most important thing by far is that you took the chance and that kind of behaviour virtually guarantees success.

There's nothing like that first post-separation lay to heal the old wounds, is there?
 

ChristopherColumbus

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I would suggest the 'patient proximity' approach. At either a bar of coffee shop, you sit near a lady. You sense straightaway here defenses go up. You hold off and just do your own thing. You then sense here asking herself why this guy is not interested. The defenses go down. You start a conversation. This worked well with two ice-cold maidens at a bar last night.
 

Fruitbat

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I don't want the rejection so I don't hit on 9/10s, possibly online, never in real life. I am also able to work in coffee shops and I gave up hitting on waitresses.

If you want a laugh....

I was viewing flats when I was doing cold approaches....I met the viewing girl, hot. I was NOT remotely hitting on her. I realised I did not have her businesses number and said "Oh, I forgot, I don't have your number"

She said "ah....sorry, you can't have my number"

I said "I can't have your businesses number?"

It was awkward. Rejected without even approaching. That hurt a bit, for Christ's sake woman!

I've also had a woman in a cafe I just joked with (no intention of approaching) say "I have aBF"

I don't just get rejected, I get rejected without even approaching!:)
 

Chev.Chelios

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Amazing to hear.. sounds like you're getting back to center fairly quickly unlike me lolol

I strongly believe the impact a divorce/breakup has on a man is his ability to bounce back from it. Aka knowing how to pickup chicks *cough**

Kind of like say you are a self made millionaire and you lost all your money, rather then spending the rest of your life poor and upset you'll never know what its like to be rich again because maybe you lucked out or won the lottery..

instead you just know the process of gaining your riches back.

Oh.. and if you're already good with chicks while you're married I bet odds are that your wife will never leave you! Instead she fears you leaving her!

I learn from myself writing out my own posts lol..

Before anything man must master game and finances before even considering having a family which so few actually fvcking do
 

samspade

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OP, good for you. And, you did what you could under the time constraints.

She said "ah....sorry, you can't have my number"

I said "I can't have your businesses number?"
I'd say you won that exchange. That's a mild takeaway on your part and it made her look foolish and presumptuous. This is, in fact, a small part of game people practice. You just did it unintentionally so you felt foolish too.

If a girl preemptively drops in "I have a boyfriend," that's a good opportunity for jiu jitsu: "Whoah, you're moving too fast for me, slow down."
 

ManlyMichael

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Don't worry about rejection, it's better that you learn from shame then never learning at all, but I think you may be misunderstanding what it means to "hit" on a girl. Think of it as though you are literally trying to hit her, but since you would ruin your life by doing it physically, you start by doing it verbally. It doesn't matter if she is 10/10 or even 11/10

Find something you don't like about her, don't make excuse about this task we give you, if she is not walking on water, you better find something before she leaves. Make fun of her make up, diss her clothes, make it light-hearted, don't be afraid to diss yourself a little bit too, trash talk with a smile, it's playful competition man, girls laugh at it, never let her think she anywhere near perfect even if she is. Just keep pushing and stretching her man, excercise her, ask her for favors, boss random chicks around. Make a loud noise to scare her, and say her hair scared you, you thought it was ugly or something, she will get that your being mean and she will actually appreciate it, because it's better than the average boring day. Ask to use her phone to make a call and dial your number and admit it to her face, BULLY HER!!! And then make up for it, why take her on a date and you have nothing to make up or no debt to pay to her? Do some wrong to her, as long as it's a short term effect it's no big deal what wrong you wrong her with. Fear of a female is the worst, honestly the lowest guy can dominate the top chick, this is the truth man. Every girl is capable of being horny and dominated for her weakness. The 10/10 girls are actually the absolute easiest man, the virgins are the only difficult ones. Mainly just difficult to find!
 

wjh

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Congratulations on the rebound. Did you move out?
I didn't know I was effectively moving out when I was asked to leave. I thought my ex lost her mind a bit and needed a couple days, not that she wanted a divorce. I finally forced the issue, it was weeks of her not being able to tell me what was going on or why or what. It was a difficult time for me but I made decisions I had to make.
 

marmel75

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So long story short, I'm divorced a full 3 months now. My divorce/separation journey began about a year ago when my ex asked me to leave our home. I have a 3.5 month old son who is my heart and soul and a constant reminder about what is most important.

About 6 months or so ago I started to feel comfortable enough to begin the process of talking other girls, ladies, whatever you call them when you're in your mid-thirties and they're of varying ages. I've had some hook ups, very bad and bad dates, but nothing amazing yet (and that's OK).

The reason I'm writing this thread is because I just wanted to share how I feel about a rejection that occured literally 3 minutes ago at a coffee shop as I'm writing this. I work from home, I'm in consulting, so sometimes I work at coffee shops for a change of pace. Today, I saw this really sexy girl, in my books she was practically perfect and is physically everything I wanted.

Meanwhile, I'm literally waiting for a 22 year old girl I'm sort of dating come and hang with me. But I wasn't expecting this hotter girl, so timing was an issue and I needed this hot girl to leave right away so I can get her number in the least awkward way possible without publically putting her on the spot. So she left just before the 22 year old was slated to come, and I went outside and said hi and that I had to ask her for her number. I was rejected, and that wasn't a great feeling but it actually didn't bother me very much. I was super excited that I even did that because I need constant self-confirmation that I'm doing the right thing and even though it's been a long time, I'm hitting on girls that I think are "perfect" 9's/10's and not focusing on the outcome. What's important is that I tried and didn't bull**** myself or her into some manipulative conversation about **** I don't truly care about. I wasted no time.

I think I just reached a milestone post-divorce and wanted to share.

Happy hunting fellas.
She asked you to leave the home? Who's house was it and who was paying for it?

There is no way in hell I'd ever let my wife tell me that as I'm paying the mortgage every month on it. I'd tell her to kick rocks and she could move out if she wanted
 

Santino

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I don't want the rejection so I don't hit on 9/10s, possibly online, never in real life. I am also able to work in coffee shops and I gave up hitting on waitresses.

If you want a laugh....

I was viewing flats when I was doing cold approaches....I met the viewing girl, hot. I was NOT remotely hitting on her. I realised I did not have her businesses number and said "Oh, I forgot, I don't have your number"

She said "ah....sorry, you can't have my number"

I said "I can't have your businesses number?"

It was awkward. Rejected without even approaching. That hurt a bit, for Christ's sake woman!

I've also had a woman in a cafe I just joked with (no intention of approaching) say "I have aBF"

I don't just get rejected, I get rejected without even approaching!:)

On the same note, of accidental hitting... I was just leaving my doctor's office so I stopped by the front desk to schedule my next visit. The girl (a decent 7) is checking her calendar without even looking at me. We agree on a date and she's asking for my number to finalize the task. Heck no I say slowly, I have a GF. She looks at me finally, so why not finishing the lame joke with a '...but if you give me yours...' and I give her the number. My doctor calls me back in from the hallway to clarify something, so two minutes later I'm passing by her desk again. She's calling me by my first name to hand me the appointment card ...and a folded sticky note discretely placed under the card with her number :) Unexpected and totally unintentional, but hey...
 
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