Am I wasting my time?

[green69]

Anyways this girl I've known for over a year (whom I always suspected liked me as I always caught signs of jealousy when I mention other girls) have been hanging out for the past few months. It was never designated as just 'friends' ...but although we were always very flirty and what not, it was friends i guess. And please no one say "why didn't you ask her out?!" - i didn't have feelings for her originally.

We had kissed before when we had a few drinks, and about a month ago I asked if she wanted to go out as more than friends. She said "I'd honestly love to but..." citing a number of excuses - one being that we work together. Although the excuses weren't made up, and the situation is complicated...i still didn't get a 'yes' (or a no for that matter) on the whole thing. She said she needed time to think about it - but never got back to me. Next day at work she was wondering if i was still coming out with her and some friends - it almost like she was pretending nothing happened. i said no because I didn't want to be just friends. She was completely shocked, and freaked out and totally blew me off.

Very late that nite, I get a call from her (she had been drinking, but was starting to sober up) and she was almost in tears, saying how i hurt her feelings and went on about the reasons why she never said yes or no. I told her that was great and all, but i don't wanna be just friends anymore. She finally admitted she liked me, and she was interested...but still seemed hesitant - she was afraid of losing the friendship, not to mention other factors which made the whole thing far from simple. After we talked about it, we agreed to give it a shot and see where it went.

After a couple arguments, it almost seemed like we reverted back to being friends, tho this was never spoken. Things always seem to be up and down, one minute things are great the next we don't speak for a couple days. She'll text me saying we should hang out, but it's always with her and her friends. If it's gonna be just us two...it's always me that has to intiate everything. Last time it was just the two of us, she was cuddling up against me a lot (she doesn't normally do that with me) but i was too much of a p*ssy to make a move. I just don't know whether I am in the friends zone, or if I am wasting my time or what.

 

[Evangenlion]

That decision in the end is yours to make. Do you believe you can handle her moods and most of all her indefinite mind which your no help to? In fact it’s your indefinite mind that worries me, you neither here nor there. You allow her to control the relationship while you just react and respond to her, but not lead.

Are you wasting your own time? The time involved here is yours. You alone can tell that. But like you said, you’re a *****, you not leading her the way you want it. You want it all easy and nothing like the complex syndrome that you’re getting right now, which I’m sorry to say is LIFE.

 

[edmond]

Stop wasting your time and move on. You are not entering the friend zone as you have already been there for quite some time, she knew it but you did not.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Whenever you are moving from the friends category (I know you weren't quite in that category but its just a description) to the going out category, you have to give the girl a few days to make her up mind after you make your move.

Chicks to time to reslot you in their mind from friend to potential lover. They need time to self-talk themselves into it, talk about with their friends, have a few dreams about it etc.

They can still decide not to move you over, but it often takes a few days before they can get their head around it.

Make a strong physical move on her again. Let her express her shock and semi-denial again. Give her a few days to think about it, keep your cool in the meantime and see what happens. Might not work this time either, but this is how you move from friend to lover.

 

[edmond]

Make a strong physical move on her again.
If you take heed of the above advice, please have ready;
A good criminal lawyer.
Bail money.
Bar of soap with a rope through it.