I don't know maybe I am, Anyways I took this girl out a few times, treated her to dinner, movies and mini golf etc... we've slept together a handful of times also. So I havent seen her in a few weeks just cause school and work have been hetic. I invite her over after shes done work and shes like "I dont want to come over after work cause i dont want everything between us to be about sex." WTF am I in the wrong here?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Am I Bitter?
- Thread starter mtlwlu
- Start date
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
am I in the wrong here?
Absolutely, but not in the way that you think you are. The problem is that you are taking her words on a literal level and attempting to make logic of them. That is how most men fail at communicating with women.
What she is telling you is simply how she feels. Preface most of what women say with "I feel as though..." That will make seem more sensible. And only pay attention to her actions. Tell her that of course it is not about just sex, then invite her over and do her. That will make sense to a woman.
Absolutely, but not in the way that you think you are. The problem is that you are taking her words on a literal level and attempting to make logic of them. That is how most men fail at communicating with women.
What she is telling you is simply how she feels. Preface most of what women say with "I feel as though..." That will make seem more sensible. And only pay attention to her actions. Tell her that of course it is not about just sex, then invite her over and do her. That will make sense to a woman.
kingy
Senior Don Juan
take her to dinner.
Igetit!
Moderator
mtlwlu said:
Who's schooling and work has been hectic,your's or her's?
Because if the reason you two haven't seen each other in such a long time is because everytime you try to she throws up an excuse...it may be cause for concern.
I agree with Bible Belt.mtlwlu said:
You need to pay attention to was she's saying.
She didn't say she didn't want sex,she said she doesn't want EVERYTHING between you two,about you two,concerning you two,to be ONLY sex related.
When you invited her over to your place,she automatically assumed you'd want sex. And would she be correct in her assumption?
I also agree with Kingy. Take her out somewhere to show her that you enjoy simply being in her presence,that sex is just an added pleasure between you two and not the SOLE REASON you're dating her.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Nutz
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2008
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- 1,583
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Bible_Belt said:
Agreed. Something I learned from AFC Adam is that she's setting the bar for him to meet in order to be with her. My friend got the ultimatum the other day from a girl he has been seeing off and on for a while. Basically she wants to be more than a fling. This is a low-grade version of demanding you make her your gf or she'll stop seeing with you.
My suggestion is to bring her over and do something, anything, and do NOT try to have sex. Leave HER hanging wondering why you didn't try to get one over on her, at least in her mind. Let her simmer. A solid version of this is giving her a massage and keeping it asexual as possible, like a pro. Or go sexual, but don't cross that threshold so it's more of a giant tease than anything else....
instantnoodles
Don Juan
If you feel like you are "bitter", you need to understand the underlying root cause for this. Do you have any insecurities? How confident do you feel about yourself?
Some people, when they see a hot person, immediately what comes to the surface of their mind is a bunch of insecurities about themselves. Such as: " I don't look good enough. I hate that she looks so hot! I don't think I can get her..."
Then these insecurities turn into anger and bitterness because you feel like you cannot accomplish your goal, which in this case, is the hot gal standing over at Starbucks.
We don't realize this is because it happens so fast. I just told you a slow-mo of what usually happens. What do you need to do?
You need to be confident. Get the body you want. Get the looks you want. Get a job if you can't afford anything. Be the way you want to be.
Be someone that makes you happy.
Some people, when they see a hot person, immediately what comes to the surface of their mind is a bunch of insecurities about themselves. Such as: " I don't look good enough. I hate that she looks so hot! I don't think I can get her..."
Then these insecurities turn into anger and bitterness because you feel like you cannot accomplish your goal, which in this case, is the hot gal standing over at Starbucks.
We don't realize this is because it happens so fast. I just told you a slow-mo of what usually happens. What do you need to do?
You need to be confident. Get the body you want. Get the looks you want. Get a job if you can't afford anything. Be the way you want to be.
Be someone that makes you happy.
Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,196
- Reaction score
- 204
So let me get this straight: you go ghost on a woman for weeks and then decide to randomly hit her up... and the first thing you offer is for her to come over???
Translation in her head:
"Hmm, he hasn't contacted me in a few weeks, so he must be either seeing someone else or banging someone else. Now that it hasn't worked out, he wants to hit me up so he can get sex from me, his 'leftover' that he couldn't even take out anyplace for the last few weeks? What am I, just a sex doll to him?? No waaaaay I'm going over to his place without a proper date first!"
And frankly, she has every right to feel that way. Even if your only intent is to have her over to bed her, you don't have that be the first thing you suggest after a long absence. No - instead, you hit her up and say "Hey, sorry it's been a while, I've been really busy. Let's meet up someplace and catch up." By meeting with her IN PUBLIC, she won't get the feeling you're just meeting up for the sex... which, ironically, will allow you to get her back to your place a lot easier after some catch-up conversation.
Translation in her head:
"Hmm, he hasn't contacted me in a few weeks, so he must be either seeing someone else or banging someone else. Now that it hasn't worked out, he wants to hit me up so he can get sex from me, his 'leftover' that he couldn't even take out anyplace for the last few weeks? What am I, just a sex doll to him?? No waaaaay I'm going over to his place without a proper date first!"
And frankly, she has every right to feel that way. Even if your only intent is to have her over to bed her, you don't have that be the first thing you suggest after a long absence. No - instead, you hit her up and say "Hey, sorry it's been a while, I've been really busy. Let's meet up someplace and catch up." By meeting with her IN PUBLIC, she won't get the feeling you're just meeting up for the sex... which, ironically, will allow you to get her back to your place a lot easier after some catch-up conversation.
I would just say "OK" to that. If you do any convincing or defend yourself she will use it against you. If you invite her over for a movie and do not have sex she won't have to have sex with you for a long time because you will have agreed to it.mtlwlu said: