Am I being ****-tested?

[Chardee MacDennis]

Newbie question, fellas.

Got out of a 6-yr relationship and am in the game for the first time in a long time. I used to only have serious relationships, but now I'm dating several girls at once.

So, I met one on Match. She's 30; I'm 34. First date went well. At the end we went to a pier. Started making out. She got crazy physical (in public!). She left town for a week, texted me frequently. Then had a second date when she got back. It was during the week. Didn't last long, but after dinner we got even more physical in a park (in public again).

After that is when she stopped texting me. Texted me when when she got home like I asked, but didn't reply to goodnight. I texted her a couple times that week, and she replied but never started herself..

Had a third date a few nights later (the weekend before this last one). We went to my place. All over me again, said she wanted to have sex with me but couldn't. Went down on me (like a porn star). Texted when she got home, like I asked. Didn't reply when I said goodnight.

Texted her the next day. Brief responses. Waited until the following night (last Monday) and texted. Brief response again.

So I got frustrated. She was having a friend over last week, so I waited all week for her to say anything to me. Nothing. So I gave it until a week later (tonight, Monday) and just texted her something casual. Half hour and no response so far.

So...... what do you guys make of this? I'm sure this is a **** test, but what the crap does it mean and how should I handle it? Thoughts? Thanks!

 

[Poon King]

You're a newbie so this post is going to sting. But its the truth:

I believe you need to get a life.

There is no reason to analyze any woman's behavior on such a deep level. That sh!t is obsessive. You should be spinning plates and focusing on your hobbies and interests. Not obsessing over every move ONE dumb b!tch makes. You are too old for this sh!t at 34. :crackup:

Your mindset is your biggest problem. Very needy and feminine mindset. Until you fix it, you are doomed.

 

[Chardee MacDennis]

This is not a sh!t test, it's her playing games / hard to get. If you truly are spinning plates, focus on your other plates now and soft drop her. Only give her your time if she initiates and puts effort into it. She's wanting to see if you'll get obsessed after she blew you.

So just keep it chill and all will be good. If she doesn't contact you, it's low IL. If she really had a high IL, she would have fvcked your brains out that third date, or really even the first.

Interesting. Not familiar with all these terms just yet, but I'll assume that a soft drop is dropping a girl but somewhat keeping her on the line still...?

Yeah, she definitely wanted to on the third, but it was the time for her monthly visitor.

 

[Chardee MacDennis]

Thanks for the definitions, bro. Much appreciated!

Yeah, I've always found it pretty gross. I'm glad I didn't press the issue, lol.

 

[marmel75]

Why the hell do you keep asking her to text you when you she gets home? Is she Cinderella and you Prince Charming or something? Afraid she is going to lose the glass slipper off her foot? WTF is that dude...

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey, guy!

Name's Harry Wilmington, a frequent poster on these boards who also has a podcast with over 260+ episodes you can listen to at the link in my signature!

Now that I've gotten THAT out of the way, let's go bit-by-bit through your message, shall we?

Got out of a 6-yr relationship...

I'd be curious to know how it ended. Did you end it or did she end it? In looking back, what things did you see yourself doing that may have contributed to the break up? These things are important to know so you won't make the same mistakes again. Especially at the ages we're at (I'm 33), you could have developed bad relationship habits that you aren't aware of because you've been doing them for so long.

...and am in the game for the first time in a long time. I used to only have serious relationships, but now I'm dating several girls at once.

One, you should find that most of the way you get girls these days hasn't changed too much from 6 years ago, aside from everyone having cell phones. But, I mention this because I'm a big "anti-text" guy, in the sense that I don't advise guys to use texting because most guys over-do it (as is your case) and/or don't know what to say when they do it.

Two, kudos for dating more than one girl! Ideally, this should remove the pressure off you to HAVE to make any of these work, which should have them working for YOUR attention as a result.

So, I met one on Match. She's 30; I'm 34. First date went well. At the end we went to a pier. Started making out. She got crazy physical (in public!).

I'm putting a small flag on the play here. First date should have only been in one spot - you want to leave her wanting more at the end of the date. But the flag is actually for her getting physical in public. Personal choice maybe, but I prefer women with more modesty in public - the ones that aren't also tend to be the ones that will get flirty with other dudes in front of you, or wear skimpy clothes when you're out. Again, could just be a personal choice, but...

She left town for a week, texted me frequently.

No bueno. The fact that you were available to answer her on a consistent basis (instead of saying "nice to hear from you! I'm busy right now but I can't wait til you get back!") tells her subconsciously that you have nothing else going on.

Then had a second date when she got back. It was during the week. Didn't last long, but after dinner we got even more physical in a park (in public again).

See above. How was this not moved to either of your places instead?

After that is when she stopped texting me. Texted me when when she got home like I asked, but didn't reply to goodnight.

Another flag on the play - for YOU. You shouldn't even be contacting her between dates, let alone telling her to text you when she gets home. Yes, I get that you're trying to be a gentleman, but really, you need to remove this request from the end of your dates. Plus - and here's why it's a REALLY good reason - you need to see if she will do this exercise on her own. You can better determine her level of interest if she gets home and then text you that she made it back safe... WITHOUT YOU PROMPTING HER. Otherwise, you end up in a mess like this where your brain is going "why didn't she text me?!? Does she not like me now?? Is it a test??"

I texted her a couple times that week, and she replied but never started herself..

Because the exercise is pointless, that's why! Unless you're texting her to ask her out on a date, there's literally NO other reason to text her. And I get why guys do it: you want her to know you like her; you don't want her to forget about you; and you've heard time and time again how women need to talk to a guy a lot in order to build up interest. But that's only partially true - they need to talk to a guy a lot when they're on a DATE with him. When they're not? They need time to sit there and reminisce about you, and think about how great you made her feel on the date, and how much she desires to be in contact with you again... She can't feel those things if you're constantly setting off her phone with messages! Next time you feel yourself reaching for the phone to text her something like "hey, great day today, isn't it?" STOP, drop the phone, and back away from it...
Had a third date a few nights later (the weekend before this last one). We went to my place. All over me again, said she wanted to have sex with me but couldn't. Went down on me (like a porn star). Texted when she got home, like I asked. Didn't reply when I said goodnight.

Texted her the next day. Brief responses. Waited until the following night (last Monday) and texted. Brief response again.

Why the brief responses? Because she doesn't want to talk to you in those moments!

Does that mean she doesn't like you? Not at all. But it DOES mean that you're impeding on time she's trying to spend doing other things. You think she wants to answer you if she's about to take a shower? Or watching a movie? Or hanging out with her girlfriends? Of course not! When she's not in your presence she's still living her life, not waiting to talk to you. Know when she wants to talk to you? On DATE nights, that's when! So again - if you're not hitting her up for a date, you're wasting your time.

So I got frustrated. She was having a friend over last week, so I waited all week for her to say anything to me. Nothing.

Probably because (a) she's happy for the break, and (b) she's concentrating on the friend. I don't know about other people on these boards, but when I'm hosting people or going out of town, I tell everyone - including any girl I'm dating - that they probably won't hear from me. Nothing personal, but I'm not trying to split my attention.

Of course, there's always the chance the whole "friend over for a week" thing was an excuse so that she could get some breathing room from hearing from you. Either way, the message is the same - STOP SENDING SO MANY MESSAGES.

So I gave it until a week later (tonight, Monday) and just texted her something casual. Half hour and no response so far.

Casual texts... are useless. Again, if you're going to text (which I strongly advise against), you should be doing it to ask for a date. But really, you should do that via a phone call instead.

So...... what do you guys make of this? I'm sure this is a **** test, but what the crap does it mean and how should I handle it? Thoughts? Thanks!

It's not a sh!t test. She liked you, but you're messaging her too much and it's getting annoying. What should you do? Wait til Thursday and CALL her to ask her out for Sunday or Monday, and see (a) if she picks up, and (b) what her answer is. And no more of this "casual texting" crap - it KILLS relationships.

Hope this helps! Again, if you need more guidance, click the link in my signature!

 

[Chardee MacDennis]

Thanks for the tips, man. So the overriding theme is don't text. I'll bear that in mind in the future.

Muchas gracias for taking the time to give your thoughts!

 

[marmel75]

Thanks for the tips, man. So the overriding theme is don't text. I'll bear that in mind in the future.

Muchas gracias for taking the time to give your thoughts!

Harry is an anti-texter. Personally I can tell you from experience if you text properly it can increase her interest level, but most people have ultra-weak text game, which is why I can understand the rule is not to text much because it really can Fvck things up badly.

 

[El Payaso]

You should have f*cked her by now. She has gotten bored with you and is moving on to her next target. Oh, well. You live and learn.

 

[pyros]

She liked you.
You had a few dates.
She gave you a bj you say.
She did not text you much.
She had a 'friend' over.
She texted you even less, and seemed not excited to hear from you.
She hasnt reply to your text.

Declining progression man ----> she is into another guy. It is this simple.

It seems is trendy now to do this among women: they meet a guy they like but there is another guy (A guy) they like more. They go on a few dates with B guy (for an ego boost, to have some fun or to make A guy jealous) until A guy reapears. They dump B guy (OP) and cease contact. She fvcks A guy non stop.

End of story.

 

[Bingo-Player]

youve simply attached to much value to her (as im assuming you arent dating any other women at the moment)

shes picked up on it (women are real good at this stuff)

so whilst she knows , shes got you where she wants you she is having a little fun hence all the nonsense with the texting

women love to power trip over stuff like this

your new but you will soon learn

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

It seems is trendy now to do this among women: they meet a guy they like but there is another guy (A guy) they like more. They go on a few dates with B guy (for an ego boost, to have some fun or to make A guy jealous) until A guy reapears. They dump B guy (OP) and cease contact. She fvcks A guy non stop.

End of story.

This.

You were Object-To-Increase-Her-Value(TM) to other guy.

I got played like it too, and these bytches are heartless so as soon her IL is down to 80-90% DROP her instantly.If you feel like played then you are not main 'target', she is emotionally abusing you.Disconnect.
Remeber in 2015 you are never the only guy.Always assume there is other dude.Any deviation from not being crazy into you=other dude.