"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Alpha Animals Take Zero Sh*t

taiyuu_otoko

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Dude gets put in a cage with a lady he don't like.

Dude kills lady.

LONDON (AP) — For ten days, the London Zoo kept its newly arrived male Sumatran tiger Asim in a separate enclosure from Melati, the female tiger who was supposed to become his mate.

Zoologists gave them time to get used to each other’s presence and smells, and waited for what they felt would be the right time to let them get together. On Friday, they put the two tigers into the same enclosure — and Asim killed Melati as shocked handlers tried in vain to intervene.

It was a tragic end to hopes that the two would eventually breed as part of a Europe-wide tiger conservation program for the endangered Sumatran subspecies.

“Everyone here at ZSL London Zoo is devastated by the loss of Melati and we are heartbroken by this turn of events,” the zoo said in a statement.

It said the focus now is “caring for Asim as we get through this difficult event.”

The zoo said its experts had been carefully monitoring the tigers’ reactions to each other since Asim arrived ten days ago and had seen “positive signs” that indicated the two should be put together.

“Their introduction began as predicted, but quickly escalated into a more aggressive interaction,” the zoo said.

Contingency plans called for handlers to use loud noises, flares and alarms to try to distract the tigers, but that didn’t work. They did manage to put Asim, 7, back in a separate paddock, but by that time Melati, 10, was already dead.

Asim’s arrival at the zoo last week had been trumpeted in a press release showing him on the prowl and describing him as a “strapping Sumatran tiger.”


The organization Tigers in Crisis says there are only estimated to be about 500 to 600 Sumatran tigers in the wild.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Billtx49

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Simply amazing, she was the only available source of tiger poon for him also…
He must not have liked her attitude or thought she was an unsuitable mate…
 

Billtx49

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No one saw this coming? Is there not a way to break up a tiger fight?
They were in very close enclosures before being joined in one. Keepers blew large air horns to distract him, but it was too late for her.
For some reason he no likey her and obviously couldn’t move on…
Incompatibility
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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zekko

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That male tiger is lucky he doesn't play for the NFL or he would be out.
Unfortunately for the female tiger, the zookeepers didn't allow her adequate time to start a #MeToo movement.
 

Who Dares Win

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Remind me when I was a kid and teachers broke our desk couple and put every guy sitting togheter witha girl, most of the girls were happy and most of the guys went postal...thats the natural order of things when libido and forced socialization didnt kick on yet.
 

Magotrox

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Zoos are unnatural. This explains why people get crazy in the concrete jungle.
 

Billtx49

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Zoos are unnatural. This explains why people get crazy in the concrete jungle.
Yes. The zoo’s forced cohabitation process completely nullified his natural mate selection process. In his eyes she may have only been a HB 3…
 

lamath

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Yes. The zoo’s forced cohabitation process completely nullified his natural mate selection process. In his eyes she may have only been a HB 3…
hahah
He wanted an upgrade getting rid of HB3 was a smart move
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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