You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
From my perspective, drinking makes me depressed, rather than vice-versa. But not before I get an incredible high, far greater than a high I can get off any other drug.Scars said:Does drinking alcohol make you depressed, or do depressed people drink alcohol?
Your thoughts?
-Scars
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
You sound a lot like me in my 20s. Now I'm in my 30s and it has become much much harder to stop even for a few weeks. I think your relatives just hid the depressed state from you. I don't get anywhere near suicidal or to the point people can see I'm depressed, but when I have big nights of drinking, I can walk out in the sun on a beautiful day and just feel completely in a haze, which now generally lasts for a few days in a row. It's not a good feeling. I never had it when I was in my 20s.Scars said:All interesting thoughts guys. The only reason I ask is because I've become quite the drinker myself. I can put down a 12 pack every night, and on weekends I usually get an 18 pack or end up at a buddies house and I smash through anywhere from 12-20 beers, and of course Sunday night football = more drinking. Everyone thinks it's a phase I only turned 21 just recently, and I drank quite a bit after that, but I don't think I took it as hardcore as I did until I started dating my BPD ex. I can relate like the rest of you, I had to drink while I was dating her just to deal with her (I even told her that several times), then when I broke it off, I had to drink even more just to forget everything.
The thing is, now I am completely over her. I really don't think I have a horrible life or anything, I'm actually quite happy, but I never stopped drinking. I like to drink with company, but I'm guilty of drinking by myself as well. It just makes activities more fun for me. Even if I'm just watching tv/sports, playing xbox, reading a book or whatever.. I rationalize with the fact that it helps me sleep (it does) then once I get a strong buzz I usually cook myself a nice big meal then fall asleep. I never get out of hand or depressed really. I'm by no means an angry drinker, and whenever I go out people generally enjoy drinking with me.
I'm also picky about the people I drink with when I do go out. The people I enjoy most drinking with are like me, they drink a lot, sometimes a lone, but they're funny, chill and lively. So now I'm not sure whether depressed people drink, or drinking makes you depressed. Maybe it's a combination of both.
I agree with the "drinking gene", as my father, uncle, and grandpa were all pretty heavy drinkers. But I never saw them depressed. Ever. Maybe they just hid it from people? I don't know.
-Scars
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
That’s so draconian. It’s certainly more than enough to give anyone a long moment to pause, although it should be mentioned that it’s easy to never get caught. The three biggest mistakes which land people into jail are smoking in public, keeping their stash or paraphernalia in their car, and dealing to their friends. Be discreet, always stay at home, always remain the customer, transport only when necessary, don’t home grow, don’t fit a profile, and the chances of discovery are slim.Bible_Belt said:Scars is in Arizona, where any detectable amount of weed is a felony, and the pipe you smoke it in is another felony.
if i were a betting man, i would go even money that in 10 years you aty our current rate will be a full blown alcoholic. not beucase i don't like you, acutally you are one of the guys i like ere, but your story/ rationale is right on the alcoholic train.Thanks for the input Mauser, I honestly think my body would go into shock if I just stopped suddenly. I've never really read to much on the subject, or obviously never went to an AA meeting but I'm wondering.. I see all these "No Fap Challenge" threads etc, and I'm wondering if I just did something similar where I only allowed myself to drink 1-2 beers a night maybe with my dinner or something. They say a beer a day is actually good for you, and that seems a little more tangible than quitting cold turkey. I'd imagine an expert would probably say this is me just rationalizing my addiction to myself, but this goal seems a lot more achievable to me.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
The law is a joke. It has reduced me to buying the synthetic weed. I bought enough to last me a lifetime. I used to smoke alot of the real weed. The new synthetic blends are stronger than the real stuff. One or 2 hits gets you baked for hours and I bought a pound for 2 hundred bucks. Basically a lifetime supply.Deep Dish said:That’s so draconian. It’s certainly more than enough to give anyone a long moment to pause, although it should be mentioned that it’s easy to never get caught. The three biggest mistakes which land people into jail are smoking in public, keeping their stash or paraphernalia in their car, and dealing to their friends. Be discreet, always stay at home, always remain the customer, transport only when necessary, don’t home grow, don’t fit a profile, and the chances of discovery are slim.
Just like bathtub gin was to alcohol prohibition, synthetic cannabinoids are the byproduct of prohibition leading people to use more dangerous intoxicants. In fact, the very act of smoking weed is itself a byproduct because, before prohibition, people didn’t smoke it. It was all baked goods.Malice said:The law is a joke. It has reduced me to buying the synthetic weed. I bought enough to last me a lifetime. I used to smoke alot of the real weed. The new synthetic blends are stronger than the real stuff. One or 2 hits gets you baked for hours and I bought a pound for 2 hundred bucks. Basically a lifetime supply.
Here is a study saying the JWH chemical (synthetic weed) is fairly safe. As for the tolerance, I only do it once or twice a week.Deep Dish said:Just like bathtub gin was to alcohol prohibition, synthetic cannabinoids are the byproduct of prohibition leading people to use more dangerous intoxicants. In fact, the very act of smoking weed is itself a byproduct because, before prohibition, people didn’t smoke it. It was all baked goods.
Be careful. Every synthetic strain is chemically novel, you really have no idea what prolonged exposure is doing to your body, and tolerance builds precipitously fast.
that's the thing. if he really is an alcoholic this is imopssible. lol if i could control my crack use i never would have quit lol. if i coul sit down and smoke an eight ball while watching college football and drinking scotch i would be doing that right now. i can't.Mauser96 said:I REPLIED in bold above
By all means reduce, and do it NOW!! Get down to one or two per day. THEN, I would keep a log, from that point forward. I am not kidding. Because if you don't? I guarantee you will find that creeping up. Instead of 14 per week, a Friday night with the boys adds 8, a stressful day might add a few extra that day. Keep a log! LIMIT to 14 per week, if that is what you decide..
For ME? I tried the above, for YEARS. Always found an excuse to have just a couple more on a bad day,........and would "make up for it" which I never did.
Good Luck, and if you need more advice, PM me anytime.
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.