After almost a year an a quarter its over. . . (continuation of an old BPD thead)

[Kourt]

no dude i'm not trying to treat her like a human being, I'm just trying to keep my ass out of the fire

I've talked to a lawyer and hes said that since I signed the lease that if she doenst move her **** I *could* still get into some amount of legal trouble and all I'm trying to do is avoid that. My old co-worker has a cell but I don't know it. A lot of the stuff has sentimental value to her, and plus theres a bed in there that she bought for $400 like a month ago, I doubt she'd just leave everything to rot. Idk, but by the first hopefully she'll be out of my life forever

 

[jonwon]

no dude i'm not trying to treat her like a human being, I'm just trying to keep my ass out of the fire

I've talked to a lawyer and hes said that since I signed the lease that if she doenst move her **** I *could* still get into some amount of legal trouble and all I'm trying to do is avoid that. My old co-worker has a cell but I don't know it. A lot of the stuff has sentimental value to her, and plus theres a bed in there that she bought for $400 like a month ago, I doubt she'd just leave everything to rot. Idk, but by the first hopefully she'll be out of my life forever

Man your too wrapped up in this and the need to ‘Do the right thing’.

So what she has sentimental value items she should have thought about that before she SHACKED UP with another guy.

Your too nice on borderline DOOR MAT, I mean man look at your reaction to things you like ‘hey is that cr** on your shoe hey don’t worry just wipe it off on my nice new shirt’. This is what you are doing over and over and OVER again and YOU still don’t get it at all.

It is still not sinking in, I can tell from your reply’s you still deep down hope this is all some weird dream and not real and you and her are going to be snug up on a sofa in a few years watching great films and having life being totally amazing, LOOK MAN it aint GONNA happen, there is no rosy GREAT life with this girl BUT there is defiantly that life with ANOTHER more rounded girl, don’t let the REAL women get away due to this waste!

This is what you do.

You talk to the landlord and TELL him what is going on, you then arrange things with him, stop assuming the landlord is some big ogre who will FU** you over, 9/10 times they are ok ppl. Come to some arrangement, tbh about it I would send her ONE text or EMAIL and I mean ONE only, telling her if she does not come for her stuff soon your leaving it for the landlord to trash.

So what she has a £400 bed, FFS man this is not your problem stop being a wanke* to this very poor shi*.
Man you are serious need of a major ball injection.

For some reason there seems to be this permanent nice guy, I think in a weird way YOU should have gotten with this women at least hopefully it may rip out that stupid nice guy mentality that makes you act liking a walking door mat, THERE IS NOTHING wrong with standing up for yourself, THERE is nothing wrong with looking after NUMBER 1.

Legal implications this is all BS.

Your too nice what some would call, 'WIMP' guy with the girl who would suck the wimp mentality out of you, WIMP get this you want to be treated like a piece of cr** do what this guy does!

I am telling you this for your own good!

 

[Phyzzle]

Amen Jonwon! Take her crap to the Landfill!

You have this fantasy that after you explain to her what an evil bych she is, she will finally understand the magnitude of how badly she hurt you, and how selfish she is.

NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! She can't understand emotions. She isn't being selfish, because there is no "self" there to be selfish about.

Oh well, how much did she cost you, financially? Was it less than buying hookers this whole time? If so, you came out ahead (except for the whole year of your life wasted thing.)

~Phyzzle

 

[nighter]

I just dumped my GF 1 week ago. Who got the diagnosis Borderline.
I know i did the right thing, but iam a mental wreck right know. Really depressed. But this post has made an assome change on my recovery. Thanks guys.

 

[Kourt]

Gj nighter, you made the right call

I've already talked to the landlord who is being a huge fvcking b1tch

She says that since I signed the lease I'm still responsible for getting the appartment to its prior condition (ie clean, all stuff out ect)

So I'm going to talk to the Magistrate in a few minutes here and he should give me a good idea of what to do and that way if legal issues do come out of it I have 'the popes blessing' per se

And I cant just garbage her **** cuz of private property rights and whatnot

That and it would take at least 6 hours to throw all her **** away and then another couple hours of cleaning to clean up all the **** she left around (ie puke in sinks, dirty dishes, crumbs and **** on the floor, couple stains, one of the bathroom is a mess of cat litter, and smells like cat **** (she took the cat somewhere I dunno where but left the bunny) and thats not something I would like to clean up. Anyway I may just call her and threaten to get rid of some of her sentimental things (like a picture of her dad, one of the few left, who had committed suicide). Well we'll just see what the magistrate says I guess.

Nighter if you need someone to talk to let me know and I'll give you my aim handle.

And as far as costing me financially, all relationships cost money to maintain, but I made sure I spent less than she did, I was a 'kept man' per se, she probably spent 75% of the money and I spent 25% so I came out ahead there. She had inheritence money which she would usually dip into. So really it was like having a cheap hooker who would spend money on me : ).

Edit: The only bad thing about that was when she got pissed off at me sometimes she'd guilt trip me with it, but I'm kinda poor being in college and whatnot so I didnt take too much of it.

 

[Desdinova]

Wow, what a flashback for me! I've been through crap like this, and I'm surprised I didn't comment on your original thread.

Jonwon's got the right idea. Talk to your landlord or caretaker about your situation. I don't know if you put any kind of a damage deposit down on the place, but if you did, be prepared to lose that. That's what it's for - to clean up the 5hit that the person has left behind.

Her stuff is no longer your concern. People who fvck around with their living situations like this lose their stuff. If she's not going to take care of her end of this deal, let the landlord have all her 5hit and decide what to do with it. If she wants any of it back, she has to deal with the landlord. If you step in and try saving her stuff, she'll have to deal with you even more. You're trying to cut her out of your life, not keep her in it.

Also, if she doesn't have any respect for her stuff (including pets), she doesn't deserve to own it. She may have paid $400 for her bed, but if she wanted to get rid of your cvm stains, I'm sure she'd have no problem setting it ablaze.

Deal with the landlord and caretaker to save your ass. Give them her contact details so THEY can get ahold of her to deal with her end of the lease. You don't need to be contacting her anymore. Be as co-operative to the landlord and caretaker as possible, and they'll do the best they can for you.

Let her contact you one more time. When she does, tell her it's over.

 

[Kourt]

yeah thats the general plan

luckily SHE put down the $800 deposit : )

 

[arglebargle]

$100 he's going to take her back.

 

[Kourt]

fvck that sh1t

so I got some legal advice and heres what I was told to do

The lease is some type of join responsiblity thing which means is she snoozes im liable if I snooze shes liable

Sooo what I was told to do is move all her **** into one room and clean the appt so as to minimize damages so as to minimize costs to me

I was told I could probably get out of the eviction by just cleaning the place up, but I don't really feel like living there and having to pay rent by myself or whatever

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Kourt:

Experience is a great teacher! Don't be ashamed of yourself for staying in a relationship with her, because hopefully (fingers crossed) now you fully realize that you were not dealing with someone who was capable of loving you the way you loved her.

Here are a few tips.

a) clean that apartment up asap!! I don't care if it takes you a week to fully clean everything up, DO IT! If there's any angle she can use to keep you emeshed in her bullshyt she'll do it. Meaning she'll try to hold you responsible for all her shortcomings concerning your apartment.

b) pack up all her shiat and take it to her mom's house, just drop it off on their front porch. If you don't know where her mom lives, then just pack it all up and get rid of it. A person's always responsible for their own belongings, if she's off in some remote island, hundreds of miles away then that's tough luck for her.

c) I know you want to give this girl the worst verbal tongue lashing she's ever gotten, BUT don't do it!! It seriously will not do anything! Think about it, your dealing with someone who should be wearing a straight jacket, taking Zoloft at a mental institution, saying f-off, slvt, byatch are all things that roll off her shoulder like water. She doesn't understand and she likely never will. It also comes to the point where you should realize this yourself. What's the point in saying all this nasty stuff to her? She's so ill, and so confused that it doesn't really matter.

d) stop calling her!! Just take care of the apartment situation, get settled back in to your parents house, work hard and get your degree. I'd encourage you to take a while off from women right now. You need to realize that even though she is mentally ill, there are many issues you need to resolve within yourself before you can be in a healthy, lasting relationship again.

e) get back out there with your friends and enjoy the things that normal 20 year olds do!! Go to parties, meet new faces, have fun!!


f) be prepared for her to try to get you back at some point. I'm not saying it will happen for sure, but its a strong possibility. She might suprise you 6 months from now, with a random phone call. And believe me all it takes is a phone call to throw you back into this situation. I highly suggest changing your cell phone #. And don't say there's too many people that have my #, just change it and call your good friends to let them know.

Lastly, just look at this as a bad experience. I know it was much more of a nightmare, but don't dwell on it too much. The way I see it, your a better man for going through this sad crap and you will be a lot better at choosing partners in the future.





PIMP

 

[Phyzzle]

she'll try to hold you responsible for all her shortcomings concerning your apartment.

My God, I didn't even think of that! Kourt, she's gonna say that whole mess was made by you, because you were jealous rage. It'll be he-said-she-said. You can't prove that she made the mess.

I'll say it again: You have this fantasy that after you explain to her what an evil bych she is, she will finally understand how badly she hurt you.

But she doesn't care about that. She with the next guy; you don't exist.

 

[Kourt]

Haha I actually can prove that I didnt make the mess cuz I was in Alaska the whole time and she was in the appt and the landlord had stopped by several times while I was gone and saw the conditions of the appartment.

Thanks Pimp, you're always good for good advice.
a) I've done more than my share of cleaning
b) If shes not back by the 27th I'm putting it on the sidewalk (minus whatever myself and my friends want to keep)
c) yes I want to give her the worst tounge lashing of my life, you know call her a heartless, fvcking cunnt and all that good stuff, I'll try not to but odds are she'll start an arguement and I will
d) i'll probably stop calling her, I've already threatened to her that I'm throwing her **** away, dont really have much else to say to her
e) i've already gone back to going to partys and meetin new people and old ones, its good times, specially with the vodka : )
f) I'm prepared for that, and shes done way to much sh1t to me for me to ever forgive her and take her back, also I already got a HB 7's phone number today : D

I will look back on this as a learning experience, albiet a bad one, everyone has to learn hard lessons and this is one of them for me, its taught me that I need to be more selective in my women.

Update: Shes supposed to get back from Escanaba tommorow, we'll see how things go from there. . .

 

[pooparu]

To the people telling him to **** her, toss her **** out for revenge and never speak again, and telling him he's too nice, you are being dumb right now. He's not being nice, he's being SMART. Why the **** would he want to get sued, legally implicated and have to go through all these court issues just to get revenge. The best revenge is to live a great ****ing life, not to try to be the one up. That's something *****es do, not what supposedly "real men" are about.

good job getting out of this relationship. Now do the RIGHT and SMART thing. Move her **** to one room, and clean that apartment man, make sure you can not in ANY WAY have your life potentially ****ed up for legal reasons because of this girl. Don't try to get cool or tough or try to prove yourself to these SS "dj" guys who are telling you to revert to high school ways and get revenge, "OMG!!!". **** happens man, roll with the punches, learn from it, and more importantly come out a better man, not a guy who can proudly say, "Yea I ****ed that ***** over and tossed out her ****, but now I have to go to court for my ignorant **** up". It doesn't make you any cooler to get revenge, it just shows you are really insecure and pathetic, don't give her that satisfaction.

 

[Kourt]

Pooparu thats been exactly my mindset, I dont want to get into anymore trouble than I can

I'm trying to be a man and handle it maturely and to the best of my ability

Rollin with the punches

-Kourt

 

[Phyzzle]

It doesn't make you any cooler to get revenge, it just shows you are really insecure and pathetic, don't give her that satisfaction.

Oh, but I agree. I don't want Kourt to get revenge (but byching her out), I just want him to protect himself and clear out the apartment. That means ALL of the rooms. Okay, take it to the sidewalk, instead of the landfil, but if that girl decides to leave her stuff there, it's HIS butt.

 

[jonwon]

nice one kort great reply's your now thinking like a man and not a puzzy filed wiped ass boy.

Take the advice it is all good, but please not more mr nice guy, i dont mean be the oppossite nasty guy i am saying now stop being so god dam accomidating to over ppl's messed up ways.

And stay away from girls for a bit and focus on you, best advice here tbh.

Stop making posts on how to win girls or does she like me!

I think man you need to learn to live a single life for a while to realize there are benifits of being single as well as being in a relationship.
You seem to have the ideal you need a relationship to function, this is metriachal BS, you can be happy single and in some respects have a far better life then ALOT of relationships.

Build your mates, sort out your degree, focus on being independent if you dont you will regret it later on.

 

[Kourt]

yeah good point jonwon, I'll definatly take that into consideration

just after having someone sleep by your side every night and not having any of the closeness that is involved in a long term relationship has just left me feeling a little lonely and like theres a hole that needs to be filled, you make some good points though and I'll make sure to think long and hard on that

 

[nighter]

yeah good point jonwon, I'll definatly take that into consideration

just after having someone sleep by your side every night and not having any of the closeness that is involved in a long term relationship has just left me feeling a little lonely and like theres a hole that needs to be filled, you make some good points though and I'll make sure to think long and hard on that

Yes i know what you mean. I feel that big hole also. So you aren't alone.
I did a dessperate move, and did go out with my friends to hunt som *****
on a nightclub. But i feelt so depressed, and i failed miserably, so it did only get
worse. My old self did not have to pressure myself to get girls.

The worst thing is not the feelings for her, but the feeling that you have loosed yourself, and that you have buyed all her lies and her manipulation. The same day just before i dumped her. She told me she love me and whant to have babies and ****, and then she turn her phone off and ****s some other dude. Its scary they tell stuff like i love you whant to do everything for you, and it really dosent mean anything for them. Funniest is that she called me heartcold when i was a dj against her at the beginning of our LTR. But now iam on a superfast recovery. Talk about it really helps alot, and i know how bad she is. She has no friends left, failed in school. Just some dude that will experience same thing i have done, and when she are tiered of him, she eventuelly will call me again. Then i have to be strong and don't answer, because sincerely i know iam to good for her. :rock:

 

[pooparu]

Oh, but I agree. I don't want Kourt to get revenge (but byching her out), I just want him to protect himself and clear out the apartment. That means ALL of the rooms. Okay, take it to the sidewalk, instead of the landfil, but if that girl decides to leave her stuff there, it's HIS butt.

It was really directed at you, moreso to the people that were telling him to do other stupid **** that would recklessly endager his own good.

And I've gotta agree with Jon man, it's ****ing awesome to see someone come out and LEARN from their past, not whine about it. You are ALREADY taking the steps to improve and become an even greater man, more than what most of us can say, and hell I admit it, I don't think I have ever had a challenge like this so far where I have learned a valuable lesson, so you've taught me as much as I hope I'e helped me, thanks man.

 

[Kourt]

yeah nighter its scary ****, been throug the same with ya there


She has no friends left, failed in school. Just some dude that will experience same thing i have done, and when she are tiered of him, she eventuelly will call me again. Then i have to be strong and don't answer, because sincerely i know iam to good for her

exactly man, she failed out of school too and has no friends left

Guys I have changed so much already since I've decided to dump her, heres a list of resolutions I have made:
1) cutting down on swearing
2) going back to church
3) working out again
4) re-expand my social network
5) make new friends
6) be more selective about my sig others
7) quit chewing
8) smoke wayyyy less pot