Afraid to make friends with girls

[One on One]

Alright, here's an example of my situation:

Today I was in class and decided to chat up this girl sitting next to me. We talked about where we went to college, the class, and she mentioned she went clubbing. So, we talked about that since I go clubbing too. We go to some of the same clubs in downtown DC. I built up good rapport. She was a nice girl and had a moderate to high IL. However, I was not that attracted to her. So, I was in a perfect situation to go for a number close. I had the line in my head, "give me your number and I'll hit you up sometime when I go out to the clubs." I would have used that on a girl I was interested in.

Now, what's the problem? Sure, I didn't miss out on any girl I wanted, but I missed out on a possible connection. Surely, she goes to the clubs with her girl friends and we could have all gone together, my friends and hers. Maybe I would have wanted one of her friends. I was afraid to number close with her, though, because I didn't want her to get the impression that I wanted her. Part of my problem is that a lot of girls tend to be attracted to me (trying not to be ****y here ). I'm tall, dark, attractive, and what not so I'm afraid if I chat up a girl and then ask for her number, she'll get the wrong idea and I don't like leading people on. I think this stems from my AFC-days when I though of number-asking as a huge deal, when I know it's really nothing.

This was just one example, but I do this constantly. I'll start chatting with a girl and then if I decide I'm not interested, I'll go cold on her when I probably should stay warm and try to make a connection and meet some of her friends. I don't have many connections so I should probably make some.

Anyways, can anyone give me some advice or deciper my problem?

 

[krd]

I think that it takes so much energy and psyching yourself up to go for the number in the first place, that it's really hard to be motivated when it's a girl you don't like. Heck, it's hard enough when it's a girl you do like! There's always that voice in the back of your head that asks, "Is it really worth the trouble?" She may have some good looking friends, but then again, she might not, so it's understandable that you might not want to go through the anxiety and uncomfortableness of the situation if you don't have to. Yet, if you don't go for it, you'll never know. So I guess it's just a matter of disciplining yourself into going through with it. Maybe you'll see this girl again, so you'll have another chance.

 

[rbd]

Well, a few things.

If this girl is in a class with you, don't worry about getting her info during the first week, etc. In fact, I usually don't. I'll get to know her more and such, find out some common links/activities, then get the contact info at a good time.

As far as what kind of info to get, man personally I like getting the screen names with these girls, it's just more convienent. I call dates, not friends.

In response to krd, her having hot friends is a plus, but I don't think it's a requirement. In short, don't worry about if she does or not, either way another quality female friend can only help you. Social proof, even from UGs, will go a LONG WAY with helping to get you other chicks. Roll up to a party with a car full of girls and a cutie on your side and WATCH the honies notice.

dave134, lastly, you should make friends with girls whose personalities you like. If there's a girl in my class, and she's not my type insofar as looks, but I like her personality and she likes me, well then I got a good friend. And honestly, this chubby girl that has the hots for me has turned out to be a GREAT friend, she's always hooking me up with parties and I've met a LOT of people through her. Definately, the more QUALITY female friends, the better.

 

[dontmindme]

If she goes clubbin', she probably has a buncha girlfriends that she clubs with. Instead of viewing her as a goal, view her as a gateway. It's all about the six-degrees.