Adviced Needed_Dated for awaile, Sex was great, then she pulls back.

[Steelie Dan]

Hey All,

I think I know the answer to this, but I thought I'd seek out a third opinion, read on. I dated this HB9 for a few months. We had really hot sex after a few dates. She really liked me, and was awed by how I carried myself in life. Thank you DJ bible and my therapist for getting me out of the nice guy mode. She was always saying that she really does not know what she wants, maybe this is not the right time, blah, blah, but likes hanging out with me. So one night two months ago she tells me she can't do thins anymore, and that I should date other women. She was very sad about this, but I must admit, she handled it with class and honesty, which made me even more attracted to her. So we didn't communicate for about 10 days, when like a stupid AFC, I wrote he this email saying that I understand what she said, I accept it, however maybe I made things to black and white by cutting off all communication, maybe we can hang out "AS FRIENDS" (arrrrrrrrgh!). She really loved the letter and shared it with her closest confidant who looked at her and said, how can you let this well evolved guy go? So we have been hanging out maybe once every ten days. Every time I hang with her I like her more and more. I know I just should have nexted her, but she is really a cool woman. And I left this door open. I'm meeting her next week for dinner. I want to tell her that I want more. I have had people say just hang with her and wait for her to decide about that since she knows you want something more. My therapist (a guy) said tell her how you are feeling and then be prepared to walk away if need be, which I'm fine with. So, as an aspiring DJ, should I put my cards on the table, or keep dating other women and keep in communication with her? I just can't stop talking with her, because she does email me and call once in awhile without me making any attempts. And If I just start not talking or returning calls and emails, that seems too passive aggressive and nice guy like.

This is not oneitis, I like her enough to want to see if we could sustain a LTR. And I don't put her on a pedestal. It is just hard to walk away from a HB9 that you had great sex with and like being around. I know that there are plenty more where she came from. What do I have to lose by just being honest with what I want from her?


Okay guys, jump in here and send me some feedback.

Thanks

 

[JT47319]

You do realize you can have multiple LTRs right?

She can be one (or maybe a MTR) while you have a couple of STRs on the side.

 

[JohnJones]

I doubt that putting your cards on the table will work at this point; for whatever reason, she doesn't see it like that yet and isn't going to change her mind just because you explain it to her.

So what I say is keep doing what you are doing but also date other women for your own benefit. If its not one-itis, maybe you don't care for this step or don't need it or otherwise, but I must be honest: I have only had this kind of conversation work for me once, and that was because there were some structural issues the girl was waiting for me to fix.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by JohnJones
I doubt that putting your cards on the table will work at this point; for whatever reason, she doesn't see it like that yet and isn't going to change her mind just because you explain it to her.

I agree with JJ here. Date other women, hell, even let her know, don't hide it to spare her feelings. Stop worrying so much about one girl and get out there a bit.

By telling her how you feel, you're showing emotions, which show you care, which gives 'her' your power. Don't do it bro...