Advice: What do I do with this girl

[Clamslammer]

Thank you for your candid advice. I guess I was too slowwww with the first girl
I still a few questions tho
What do you really mean by 'let her reach out to you'? Does is it mean her texting me or what exactly

Yes. Do not chase any girl.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey man, do not beat yourself up as you are young and still inexperienced. The good thing is you are willing to learn and you are asking questions. I wish this type of forum was around at your age.

A couple of pointer:
- if you have romantic interest in a girl be direct with her and ask her out on a date. Don't waste time texting back and forth for days on end. Better yet show confidence and ask her out in person. Confidence is the most attractive quality to a girl. Anything but a yes for a date request you walk away and do not reach back out to her. The first girl you put yourself in the friendzone by not going for what you wanted and throwing up your feelings to you thats why she backed off. She probably does not have a boyfriend but she got scared and blurted it out.
- never tell a girl how you feel, keep her guessing, show her by taking her on dates.
- dont burn bridges with girls you never know if she comes around in the future. Sometimes girls are just as inexperienced as a guy and will reject a guy when they like them
- Always be escalating towards sex. You hand holding and hugging means nothing to her. Thats what she does with heir gay male girlfriend/orbiters.
-keep working on yourself mentally and physically and continue doing that until your dead, especially when in a relationship.


First Girl let her reach out to you. If she ever does ask her on a date and escalate to kissing and eventually sex once she is comfortable with it.

Second girl let her reach out to you and when she does set a firms date. A specific time and place. If you like her go for the kiss and eventually escalate to sex.

As you go on more dates she will be the one wanting to lock you down and not the other way.

Its all about your energy, time and self respect. When you have enough of it things flow correctly.

 

[Dam44]

Did a bit of reminiscing and I see I really messed up with her

1. One time in our second year, we just finished class that day and we were walking together. She asked me to text her that night while holding me. A few people around heard

I did but I didn't even ask why she said that. I just started a regular convo.

2. During this third year, she has asked me about 5 times if I had a girlfriend, was seeing someone or dating someone(our hostels are in different location). She casually slips it in the convo and I just say no strongly every single time

3. Recently, a friend was asking about her. He referred to her as my sweetheart. I asked him why, he said it's obvious from how I look at her. He said almost everyone thinks we're dating.

I should have been covert about it

PS: She still texts me once in a while but that's all to it. I don't even know what to do next
Also she told me she missed me. I told her i missed her too

 

[Dam44]

UPDATE

So she called me on the phone yesterday out of the blues

 

[Clamslammer]

UPDATE

So she called me on the phone yesterday out of the blues

Good job on waiting. Did you setup a date or did you waste time blabbing about pointless crap

 

[BeExcellent]

Keep in mind gentlemen our OP is in Nigeria. It’s a much more traditional (read old fashioned) society and far more socially conservative than in Western Europe or the US.

She has reached out and shown you some interest and attention OP. That’s positive. I don’t get the impression she’s an attention w h o r e at all, she’s attractive and has many men who think so. That’s normal. She’s been showing interest in lab and by leaning on his shoulder and taking his hand that she has interest but she’s subtle and young and our OP has missed those signals originally.

That’s Ok. From here simply inquire what classes she is taking at school and keep communication sporadic and focused on school until classes resume. Once classes resume you can observe how she behaves around you.

Be chill and relaxed. Don’t freak out in a good way (exercise restraint) and don’t freak out in a bad way (don’t obsess).

Just chill and see what develops when classes resume.

 

[Dam44]

Good job on waiting. Did you setup a date or did you waste time blabbing about pointless crap

I couldn't. We live in different states far apart, about two days journey by road.

Besides there's still a partial lockdown but there are signs universities will be reopened soon.

Maybe I did blab about pointless crap, lol but there was nothing else I could do.
I picked her call quite late so she started by asking if I was busy so she would call back.

Then she asked how I was, what I had been up to, she asked about something I told her I was going to do at home, my family, my welfare and somethings along that line

I asked her a few questions too

 

[BeExcellent]

You guys always have a good futbol team. Always enjoy watching them in international matches.

Cheers

 

[Dam44]

Keep in mind gentlemen our OP is in Nigeria. It’s a much more traditional (read old fashioned) society and far more socially conservative than in Western Europe or the US.

She has reached out and shown you some interest and attention OP. That’s positive. I don’t get the impression she’s an attention w h o r e at all, she’s attractive and has many men who think so. That’s normal. She’s been showing interest in lab and by leaning on his shoulder and taking his hand that she has interest but she’s subtle and young and our OP has missed those signals originally.

That’s Ok. From here simply inquire what classes she is taking at school and keep communication sporadic and focused on school until classes resume. Once classes resume you can observe how she behaves around you.

Be chill and relaxed. Don’t freak out in a good way (exercise restraint) and don’t freak out in a bad way (don’t obsess).

Just chill and see what develops when classes resume.

Yeah, I didn't act when all that was happening. I can't believe I didn't.

Thank you for this. Sounds like a good plan and I'll do just this

 

[Dam44]

Ha

You guys always have a good futbol team. Always enjoy watching them in international matches.

Cheers

Ha ha, thanks. I hope we win the World Cup someday. Too bad Argentina has been a problem for us

What's your country

 

[BeExcellent]

Ha

Ha ha, thanks. I hope we win the World Cup someday. Too bad Argentina has been a problem for us

What's your country

Yeah well Argentina (God love them and all respect to Messi) has been a problem for everyone.

I’m in US and played in both high school & university.

US is still rather frustrating on the pitch so I like various international teams, Nigeria being one.

Best always

 

[espanish]

I didnt read any of the replies because I didn't want my answer to be influenced by them
1) never TELL a girl you like her. keep her wondering.
2) never let a girl lead. if you let her lead, that makes you look like the woman in the relationship (I believe I saw several examples of this but the one I remember is her asking you to go eat together. why is she leading and not you?)
3) read my signature below and remember it the next time you like a girl
4) dont be so hard on yourself, you're still very very young and will have many many more opportunities

 

[Clamslammer]

I couldn't. We live in different states far apart, about two days journey by road.

Besides there's still a partial lockdown but there are signs universities will be reopened soon.

Maybe I did blab about pointless crap, lol but there was nothing else I could do.
I picked her call quite late so she started by asking if I was busy so she would call back.

Then she asked how I was, what I had been up to, she asked about something I told her I was going to do at home, my family, my welfare and somethings along that line

I asked her a few questions too

Why are you wasting you time talking to this girl then. Don't waste your time talking to a girl who you cannot see easily on the regular or you are just giving away free attention and more importantly your time.

 

[Dam44]

Yeah well Argentina (God love them and all respect to Messi) has been a problem for everyone.

I’m in US and played in both high school & university.

US is still rather frustrating on the pitch so I like various international teams, Nigeria being one.

Best always

Cool
You must be good then, why didn't you go pro? At least US has a solid women's team

 

[Dam44]

I didnt read any of the replies because I didn't want my answer to be influenced by them
1) never TELL a girl you like her. keep her wondering.
2) never let a girl lead. if you let her lead, that makes you look like the woman in the relationship (I believe I saw several examples of this but the one I remember is her asking you to go eat together. why is she leading and not you?)
3) read my signature below and remember it the next time you like a girl
4) dont be so hard on yourself, you're still very very young and will have many many more opportunities

I am inexperienced and I've really learnt from this forum

1. I now know this. I told her because some friends told me to. They said how would I feel if I later heard she liked me but moved on because I didn't make a move

2. I messed up here too. I was trying to play it too safe but now I know better

3. "I can forgive a guy for being too aggressive, but I can never forgive a guy for being too boring" - some girl on some pick up forum
I don't think I'm boring at all. I'd say I'm quite interesting

4. I won't, thanks!

I'll keep this in mind and never make such mistakes again

 

[Dam44]

Why are you wasting you time talking to this girl then. Don't waste your time talking to a girl who you cannot see easily on the regular or you are just giving away free attention and more importantly your time.

She's someone I can see on the regular. We go to the same school for about 8 to 9 months in a year

I haven't been talking to her recently. She called me herself.

 

[espanish]

I don't think I'm boring at all. I'd say I'm quite interesting

here "boring" is not the opposite of "interesting" it's the opposite of "aggressive"
girls want a guy who is aggressive and pushes things forward. when in doubt, be aggressive because a girl can forgive a guy for being too aggressive, but she will not forgive a guy for being too boring.

 

[Dam44]

here "boring" is not the opposite of "interesting" it's the opposite of "aggressive"
girls want a guy who is aggressive and pushes things forward. when in doubt, be aggressive because a girl can forgive a guy for being too aggressive, but she will not forgive a guy for being too boring.

Oh, I understand now. Thanks

I'm thinking of setting up a video call, what do you think?

 

[BeExcellent]

Cool
You must be good then, why didn't you go pro? At least US has a solid women's team

I was good, but not THAT good, lol.

I do coach sometimes in the youth leagues here in US. Love teaching the game. Very passionate about it.

You are getting some good advice here. Don’t video call her. Let her miss you a bit...this is where restraint will serve you.

Be the one she is curious about and wondering about...not too accessible. You’ll need to calibrate to your cultural norms but don’t be too eager.

I hope your recent conversation went well.

 

[powersize]

You were her friend and it was cool. But then you caught feelings and she obviously never had feelings for you. There is nothing you can do, other than to learn this lesson and next time, with a different girl, push things towards sex right away, never confess your feelings, you fck and pull back and fck other girls, have several girls that you spin as fck buddies. Girl that sticks around and pursues you can be considered as your girlfriend or even future wife, others are for practise.

Read your girl's actions literally - 'I do not like you sexually and I don't want to fck you.'

Get over this situation in your life as a man, nothing really to get over with, be thankful you asked for advice here and not on femenist and white knight forums, they'd suggest you signing sirenadas and buy gifts and orbit her behind for years while she fcks other men.

Go ahead and read Book of Pook.

Healthy relationships between a man and a woman is when man fcks the woman, and the woman pursues the man because she knows he is the one.
Unhealthy is what you had, friendship, you like her, you confess, she says no we are friends, etc..

In your current situation, friendship is over, don't hang around a girl that befriended you. All her girlfriends would look at you as not a sexual, asexless material and a nice guy. Run!

Damn man, thanks for the link