"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Advice on setting up the first date

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sidewind3r

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I got this girls phone number after talking to her for about 15 minutes in a club last wednesday and I decided that I would call her up tonight. I have been with a girl for over a year and we broke up a month ago so i feel a little out of touch.

this girl here seems like the fun loving type, not too serious, not really ltr material from what i can tell. Where should I bring her on the first date? Should i just invite her for a coffee or for supper or something? Also, should i pay for her or is that too chump?

Finally, my last concern is that i do not have a car (not for another 4 or 5 months) so unfortunately ill be taking the bus. Will this be a major problem?

Thanks in advance for the help
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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tsmith2334

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here's what i would do, right or wrong...

i would just go ahead and call her. if you want to hang out with her that night, i'd call her mid-afternoon, like around 1 or 2. if its for lunch, call her around 5 and ask her if she's interested in getting lunch the next day. i'd rather go for dinner though, i feel like that has more romantic implementations to it, and lunch is more of a friendly thing.

i would also pay for it, since your making the invitation. just do it matter of factly, don't make a big deal of it. if she reluctantly accepts, she's interested.

as for the car situation, does she drive? you could ask her to pick you up or take the bus and meet her there. it might diminish your social value a little bit, but you can rebound pretty easily.
 
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sidewind3r

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Thanks for the reply. So do the other guys out there feel that i should pay for the date?

I agree that the car thing is a setback but ill just have to make up for it with something else.
 
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tsmith2334

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tsmith2334 said:
here's what i would do, right or wrong...

i would just go ahead and call her. if you want to hang out with her that night, i'd call her mid-afternoon, like around 1 or 2. if its for lunch, call her around 5 and ask her if she's interested in getting lunch the next day. i'd rather go for dinner though, i feel like that has more romantic implementations to it, and lunch is more of a friendly thing.

i would also pay for it, since your making the invitation. just do it matter of factly, don't make a big deal of it. if she reluctantly accepts, she's interested.

as for the car situation, does she drive? you could ask her to pick you up or take the bus and meet her there. it might diminish your social value a little bit, but you can rebound pretty easily.
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what does everyone think of my advice? i'd like to know for my sake too

as for paying for the girl... if you ask her out for something to eat and its your first time going out then i would definately pay for it.

i wouldnt be like, hey i'm paying for you, i'd just take the bill when it comes. if she offers you cash, tell her "your moneys no good here". i used that line on a date over the summer and she said "i hate you" playfully :yes:

reluctant acceptence means she's interested
if she insists on paying, she doesnt want things to escalate (see how it works?)

heres a few reasons i'd pay, especially on a first date

a) it sets a great first impression
b) it establishes dominance
c) its polite
d) it shows your probably well off financially and not worried about money
 
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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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sidewind3r

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I guess we will never know tsmith, but the call went well and i got a date for Thursday.
 
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Obsidian

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If she's the fun-loving type and you recognize that you have no hope (or maybe no desire) to make her your girlfriend, then no, don't take her out for coffee.

Take her to a bar. And then when you've been there for a while, move on to a different one, preferably one with a dance floor. Then possibly bring her home afterwards and have your way with her.

edit: Oh, dang, I missed the bus part. Umm, not sure what to suggest. Maybe just skip the bar part and invite her over to your place for food, drinks, and a movie -- unless she says she's willing to drive y'all somewhere. But remember that girls get drunk easier than guys.
 
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sidewind3r

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thx for the reply,
nah i don't reall yhave the desire to make her my girlfriend, I just want to play the field and live life like i did before having my girlfriend.

I had set a date for thursday at 5 when shed get off from work (sinc eher home is far but her workplace is halfway), but only realized after that i have an exam at 5:30 (i never go to that class, only to the exams).

so no wi have to call and get her to reschedule which will make me feel like a dufas.. doh!
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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sidewind3r

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so i called her back to change the plans but she had los tinterest. Damn, just goes to show how important it is to have something solid planned from the first time you call and to not give the girl a chance to changer her mind afterwards. I must improve.
 
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