Advice Needed

[lp12468]

Sounds good, I will do that.

 

[lp12468]

Note this has happened in the past where things have been going well and she's pulled back or created drama when I got weak or things got too predictable. Will keep you all posted.

 

[lp12468]

I think it will be fine and to DW3's point there will be enough time for us both to determine whether it makes sense to move forward. As long as it is consistent and healthy for both. Most likely a test.

 

[lp12468]

Ok, the conversation went well. We had a good night out and she was affectionate, etc. She has also been on her period and sick, which explains a lot. So in these times I've traditionally been a jerk, I should probably be more supportive. I did apologize and she said that we could break up that night if we needed to, but that she wanted to stay. She said that she deserves to be treated well and with respect; and that if a relationship is one sided it eventually ends. This did make me reflect and I have actually been the one injecting drama, over reading situations, being dismissive and cold when she's been affectionate, etc. She still threw some more indirects some sexual like about the neighbor, VIP spot, VIP corner apartment and how people 'wish they could have that.' Note she also said prior in the days 'you know, there is always some truth behind the jokes we tell.' However I am assuming based on her actions and behaviors that these are just tests as she was deeply hurt by the whole dating app thing. She shares location, lets me know when she is having dinner with friends, isn't going out, etc. The other indirects however have had substance lately like surrounding not dating and courting properly, boredom of doing the same, etc. which she won't admit them directly. I also think she is testing hard given my recent refocus on medical school, where I have foregone income temporarily to have a strong application to get into my dream school. Let me know if I'm off base but I don't think she is cheating. I think these indirect jabs initially were aimed as tests, I failed by going on dating apps and not physically cheating, she noticed the insecurity, so she ramped them up a lot. Of course there is always the chance right. But despite the traditional red flags I think her actions and behaviors speak otherwise. Moving forward I am going to lead (something I haven't done well in the past), do different things, date and court properly, treat her well when she treats me well and obviously uphold boundaries if it gets into direct disrespect. I feel that indirect disrespect is often a test and easy to overread, but at times women try to communicate a message that way.

 

[lp12468]

And as I said earlier I've had one foot in one foot out lately which has been apparent. I think this approach will work much better showing that I am interested in her as well.

 

[sevbucmash]

Hi. I am currently in a long term relationship with a single mom, and it has become toxic. She moved across the country to be with me. She has a number of red flags like daddy issues, being friends with sluts and even a stripper in the past.

Look buddy. The money is just not there for her. You provided dwelling and money, now it's not enough. She has to move on.

Pattern wise. She most likely has another sucker like you waiting for her.

Worst possible thing you could do at this point is buy her a ticket so that she flies across country to another you. Most likely scenario, two dudes will pay for her trip, you and that new sucker guy. She keeps the money from one of you.

Congrands on getting played.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Ok, the conversation went well. We had a good night out and she was affectionate, etc. She has also been on her period and sick, which explains a lot. So in these times I've traditionally been a jerk, I should probably be more supportive. I did apologize and she said that we could break up that night if we needed to, but that she wanted to stay. She said that she deserves to be treated well and with respect; and that if a relationship is one sided it eventually ends. This did make me reflect and I have actually been the one injecting drama, over reading situations, being dismissive and cold when she's been affectionate, etc. She still threw some more indirects some sexual like about the neighbor, VIP spot, VIP corner apartment and how people 'wish they could have that.' Note she also said prior in the days 'you know, there is always some truth behind the jokes we tell.' However I am assuming based on her actions and behaviors that these are just tests as she was deeply hurt by the whole dating app thing. She shares location, lets me know when she is having dinner with friends, isn't going out, etc. The other indirects however have had substance lately like surrounding not dating and courting properly, boredom of doing the same, etc. which she won't admit them directly. I also think she is testing hard given my recent refocus on medical school, where I have foregone income temporarily to have a strong application to get into my dream school. Let me know if I'm off base but I don't think she is cheating. I think these indirect jabs initially were aimed as tests, I failed by going on dating apps and not physically cheating, she noticed the insecurity, so she ramped them up a lot. Of course there is always the chance right. But despite the traditional red flags I think her actions and behaviors speak otherwise. Moving forward I am going to lead (something I haven't done well in the past), do different things, date and court properly, treat her well when she treats me well and obviously uphold boundaries if it gets into direct disrespect. I feel that indirect disrespect is often a test and easy to overread, but at times women try to communicate a message that way.

Are you sure this is what you want? I am sure such a difficult decision would require more time and a lot of introspection.

Either way, be warned, just because you had this conversation with her doesn't mean it will be smooth sailing from now on. Expect plenty of **** tests and comfort tests over the next few months, and expect her to bring up your past behaviour during arguments, even when it is irrelevant. Don't assume one conversation has fixed everything. I hope you know how to pass them.

Good luck.

 

[sevbucmash]

Gave a ride to single mommy with sucker guy yesterday, no kids with them. I usually run filters at rider rating 4.9 and above, but this time I dropped it to 4.8. Out of airport, red flag behavior from the get go. Rider may record audio during trip warning. Not at pickup pin. Grabbing trunk trying to pull it open and it's automatic, idiots. Inside talking all the way through and judging the driver. What stood out was guy being all agreeable and stuff all about kids, her kids, not his kids. He paid for their vacation. I ended up dropping her 1 star. **** that kind of riders, they are low rating for a reason.

 

[lp12468]

No she moved across the country for me and is here. She isn't moving away or anything. Well money isn't necessarily the issue. While I'm not working I have a lot of it and she has already expressed support for while I'm a medical student, etc. all thorugh schooling and agreed I made the right decision by focusing on the MCAT, which is legit.

 

[lp12468]

I think the emotional investment is still there, she wants the relationship to work and is invested in the future. Look the way I see it is that if it is healthy and uplifting over the coming months, we keep it. Otherwise it doesn't make sense for either of us and we end it. Reflecting on myself with bipolar, as I said earlier my judgement has clouded a lot of this. I overanalyzed, treated her poorly, didn't understand dating or red pill, didn't reciprocate affection and positive behavior, etc. Outside of testing, she has respected all of my boundaries, showed trust, transparency, etc. and wanted to grow things.

In the past I did bring up how I would not be financially responsible for the kid if we moved forward and that it would be her and the biological dad's responsibility. I also mentioned having separate finances and wills, which she was also ok with.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I do want to try and work this out, also because deep down I love her and she has invested a ton. She moved across the country for me, and the daughter is nice. I told her early on it was not a deal breaker. If I go that path, any other recommendations? Her lease ends mid-2027 assuming this holds which should be enough time for us both to determine if it works or not. If I sense she is checked out completely and it is not going to be fixed I will end it. But again I want to try and work it out. I have made a number of changes lately like doubling down on my purpose, focusing on health and wellness, and operating in my frame so it will be interesting how she continues to test and respond. Part of me thinks she always viewed me as beta, and doesn't like that. Like if I were to cede to that mentality, buy the promise ring, spend more money on trips and dates, etc. it may buy time but would she really love me?

You are operating from a place where you built a skyscraper on a broken foundation and now are asking how to prevent it from falling down.

You can't.

You decided to give a woman a level of status that she didn't deserve and never should have received from you, then ask why all these things have gone wrong.

You are just in denial at this point I think. Do whatever you want to do, clearly you don't want to listen to people who tell you the truth.

 

[The Duke]

@lp12468 I don't think you are ready for a serious relationship. You need to work on yourself. The more of the story you tell, the more I see a lack of male leadership. Your insecurities fuel hers and you are both insecure.

 

[BadBoy89]

Hi all. I am currently in a long term relationship with a single mom,

Stopped reading here.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ok, the conversation went well. We had a good night out and she was affectionate, etc. She has also been on her period and sick, which explains a lot. So in these times I've traditionally been a jerk, I should probably be more supportive.

Good - just stop here.

I did apologize and she said that we could break up that night if we needed to, but that she wanted to stay.

Oh my God, the drama. You try to come clean with her, and she says this. The both of you feed each other.

If you stay in this relationship, you are going to have to gracefully navigate a lot of resentment, until she begins to see the new you time and time again.

She said that she deserves to be treated well and with respect; and that if a relationship is one sided it eventually ends. This did make me reflect and I have actually been the one injecting drama, over reading situations, being dismissive and cold when she's been affectionate, etc.

Again, this would have been a good spot to just have stopped.

She still threw some more indirects some sexual like about the neighbor, VIP spot, VIP corner apartment and how people 'wish they could have that.' Note she also said prior in the days 'you know, there is always some truth behind the jokes we tell.' However I am assuming based on her actions and behaviors that these are just tests as she was deeply hurt by the whole dating app thing. She shares location, lets me know when she is having dinner with friends, isn't going out, etc. The other indirects however have had substance lately like surrounding not dating and courting properly, boredom of doing the same, etc. which she won't admit them directly. I also think she is testing hard given my recent refocus on medical school, where I have foregone income temporarily to have a strong application to get into my dream school. Let me know if I'm off base but I don't think she is cheating. I think these indirect jabs initially were aimed as tests, I failed by going on dating apps and not physically cheating, she noticed the insecurity, so she ramped them up a lot. Of course there is always the chance right. But despite the traditional red flags I think her actions and behaviors speak otherwise. Moving forward I am going to lead (something I haven't done well in the past), do different things, date and court properly, treat her well when she treats me well and obviously uphold boundaries if it gets into direct disrespect. I feel that indirect disrespect is often a test and easy to overread, but at times women try to communicate a message that way.

This is what anxious over-thinking looks like. This is all head trash. Just keep your side of the street clean.

 

[sevbucmash]

myself with bipolar

You're a prince on that white horse, a real find in this sea of men. Girl had to travel half way across the country to live with you.

How much does she weight?

Having stripper past, I imagine a normal girl, thin. But who know, maybe she weights 300 pounds, and stripping past was long time ago. Perhaps local strip club didn't take her, and she ended up doing shifts at wendys.

 

[lp12468]

No she wasn't a stripper and it's not like that. She makes great money, six figures. So the money is not the driver.