Advice Needed...Dont flame.

[Crissco]

I know im going to get flamed for this, and i know ive been here long enough to understand the DJ forums mindset.
My ex has been on my mind a lot lately. Most of the girls now just dont match up with her. A lot are flaky, dont stick to their word. You guys know how it is, this one wasnt/didnt.

She did a lot for me. Would cook, clean for me, do my laundry, a lot of stuff you dont see now a days. Theres a couple of issues though. We dated for a year and a half, on and off, broke up got back together, 3 times total. Which is a big red flag not to go back.

The issue was also me, once we got into a "official relationship" it went down hill. I guess the title scared me. When we were just FWB or just dating, I was completely fine, banging other girls, the perfect Don Juan in my head, pulled it off flawlessly.

I made some mistakes along the way, I realize them now and what i needed to do to fix them and i did. Put it in my head i wont be that way, and i learned from it. I still have options right now, seeing 2 girls going on dates a couple times a week, but i still have this girl in the back of my head.

You have to think of the bad also and the bull we both went through, part of doesnt want to go back to that, but for the most part the positives outweighed the negative.
Its been 8 months since our last contact and break up.


Crissco

 

[HumbleNinja]

I know im going to get flamed for this, and i know ive been here long enough to understand the DJ forums mindset.
My ex has been on my mind a lot lately. Most of the girls now just dont match up with her. A lot are flaky, dont stick to their word. You guys know how it is, this one wasnt/didnt.

She did a lot for me. Would cook, clean for me, do my laundry, a lot of stuff you dont see now a days. Theres a couple of issues though. We dated for a year and a half, on and off, broke up got back together, 3 times total. Which is a big red flag not to go back.

The issue was also me, once we got into a "official relationship" it went down hill. I guess the title scared me. When we were just FWB or just dating, I was completely fine, banging other girls, the perfect Don Juan in my head, pulled it off flawlessly.

I made some mistakes along the way, I realize them now and what i needed to do to fix them and i did. Put it in my head i wont be that way, and i learned from it. I still have options right now, seeing 2 girls going on dates a couple times a week, but i still have this girl in the back of my head.

Its been 8 months since our last contact and break up.


Crissco

Well if you're still thinking of her. Fvk it. Call her up and see how she's doing. Be prepared for her to blow you off or have a boyfriend etc.

It most likely won't work but then again knowing all that if you still want her and want to work it out no harm in trying.

I mean screw it. You know it most likely would turn out bad. Yes never go back. But if you think it was more you than her the only thing you can do is give it one more try. If it doesn't work. Just learn and grow from your mistakes and move on.

Frig it. Just call her. Again. You know all the bad that can happen and most likely will.

If the chick is really a good person and not a whack job just GO FOR IT one last time. Good luck!

 

[Crissco]

Well if you're still thinking of her. Fvk it. Call her up and see how she's doing. Be prepared for her to blow you off or have a boyfriend etc.

It most likely won't work but then again knowing all that if you still want her and want to work it out no harm in trying.

I mean screw it. You know it most likely would turn out bad. Yes never go back. But if you think it was more you than her the only thing you can do is give it one more try. If it doesn't work. Just learn and grow from your mistakes and move on.

Frig it. Just call her. Again. You know all the bad that can happen and most likely will.

If the chick is really a good person and not a whack job just GO FOR IT one last time. Good luck!

Exactly my thinking pattern also. Whats the worst that happens she doesnt reply/pick up or just say no to me. Then just move on. Atleast it will be out of my head though.

 

[Epimanes]

One thing is for sure. No relationship is awesome 100% of the time. You gotta take the good with the bad and weigh out the differences. Find ways to make your differences safe to talk about without them escelating into fruitless arguments.

I think you should call her up.

Epi

 

[Crissco]

One thing is for sure. No relationship is awesome 100% of the time. You gotta take the good with the bad and weigh out the differences. Find ways to make your differences safe to talk about without them escelating into fruitless arguments.

I think you should call her up.

Epi

Of course I know that. I dont have her number anymore, deleted so i would have to message on facebook again like how we did last time.

Ever do something then right after, say, why did i do that lol I dont want this to be one of those times.

 

[Crissco]

You gave almost no specifics as to why you broke up and if she was banging other men at any time so I can't really give you advice.

i broke up with her in the end because we would argue as time went on (bc of my insecurities). I gave it one month, if things didnt get better i was gonna break up with her..So i did.

 

[Crissco]

Too vague. Why were you insecure/what did you do?

I didnt trust her. Wasnt because of her, it was because of my past, and the fact i did cheat on her once..It was only 2 days into the relationship with an old plate. But that made me not trust my self, which put it on her.

 

[betheman]

Exactly my thinking pattern also. Whats the worst that happens she doesnt reply/pick up or just say no to me. Then just move on. Atleast it will be out of my head though.

whats the worst that can happen? you get back together, you realise she is 'the one' you are now ready to commit....and she dumps you! you wouldnt be back to square 1, you would be at square minus 10.

thats the worst that can happen, alos could you handle the fact she has been banging other guys? the worst that can happen is that you open a whole world f pain for yourself, Im not saying dont do it, just open your eyes

 

[Crissco]

whats the worst that can happen? you get back together, you realise she is 'the one' you are now ready to commit....and she dumps you! you wouldnt be back to square 1, you would be at square minus 10.

thats the worst that can happen, alos could you handle the fact she has been banging other guys? the worst that can happen is that you open a whole world f pain for yourself, Im not saying dont do it, just open your eyes

Of course i know she was banging other guys in this time frame, i dont care about that. im banging others too, so i have no right to say anything here.

Even if the first scenario did happen, wouldnt be minus 10 it would still be square one for me because i would be single with the skill and knowledge to still pick up girls.

 

[HumbleNinja]

Of course i know she was banging other guys in this time frame, i dont care about that. im banging others too, so i have no right to say anything here.

Even if the first scenario did happen, wouldnt be minus 10 it would still be square one for me because i would be single with the skill and knowledge to still pick up girls.

So now that you are aware of all the bad that could happen call her up and let's stop the nonsense.

Be Nike my friend. Be Nike. Just DO it.

 

[VladPatton]

Don't do it, man. You're going to give her complete power in the relationship. Come to grips with the loss. Your first, basic, initial, primal, natural instinct to end the relationship when you did was correct. No need to second guess it now. That's just my opinion, I hope you do what is ultimately in your best interest. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[HalfAddict]

Since you already know our response I say you do it and get knocked on your ass again...hell it's the only way I ever truly learn my lesson Do it and feel like **** for a week or be successful and remember all the bad things you broke up over and watch them repeat themselves.

 

[Crissco]

I think the fact that crissco broke up with his ex 3 times and it's been over for 8 months tells us more than we need to know. It didn't work with her, and it won't ever work with her. She has undoubtedly moved on by now, OP you should too.

The fact that after 8 months she is still on your mind (making you miserable in one way or another) is proof enough that you need to totally destroy her memory and get on with your life.

Be strong my friend. Understand that the two of you didn't work out for a reason. Eventually, even if she does agree to go back it'll be just be more of the same and you will waste precious healing time getting hurt all over again, only prolonging the time it'll take you to get over this and also taking time away that you could be spending on a better relationship with a more deserving woman.

Crissco, have some self respect. Valuing yourself and realizing your own self worth is more precious and valuable than any good blowj0b or meal this woman can give you.

EDIT: btw I also think you're doing what a lot of guys do post break up after the cooling off period ie blame themselves for the breakup. It takes two to tango you're both at fault.

Funny part is, I havent thought about her once until about 3 weeks ago, so im not miserable at all actually. Randomly popped into my head, ever since then cant get her out.

The truth is it was my 99% my fault, i was too insecure about everything, if i would of backed out it might of worked out. Truthfully dont know, but the fact is, is was me here because of my own stuff. Looking back at it made me realize it.

 

[Crissco]

Don't do it, man. You're going to give her complete power in the relationship. Come to grips with the loss. Your first, basic, initial, primal, natural instinct to end the relationship when you did was correct. No need to second guess it now. That's just my opinion, I hope you do what is ultimately in your best interest. Good luck and keep us posted.

Yes. I know that, its whats really holding me back right now.

 

[HumbleNinja]

Yes. I know that, its whats really holding me back right now.

Ok. So you're "going to give her all the power". If the chick isn't an a hole she won't try to power trip on you. If she does? Then you've tried and left.

F it. If she tries it or you sense it tell her: Would you like me to drag a crucifix on my back to your house while you whip me and then nail me to it on your front lawn? lol.

She might even laugh at that and think of the "Whipping" part and turn to sexual thoughts of you. Then joke quick and just talk.

Hey if it doesn't work or you sense/see she's going to be or is a b1tch and has ZERO compassion then just move on. F it.

Forget the power trip nonsense on each other. Dudes make this sht seem like it's some control freak "power" battle. No one who's sane has time for that or a chick who starts playing that nonsense. It's almost like these dudes are scared to "lose" some retarded game or they're so mentally weak they'll fall apart after walking away finally from simply trying one last time."Oh god! If I show "any" form of "vulnerability" I'm ruined for life in future relationships! I need to hold all the POWER!" LMAO Some dudes need to get over that crap.

YOU have the power to try one last time and the power to walk away for good.

 

[Warrior74]

No flaming? Okay.

Go for it. Report back. Be honest and detailed in your report. Maybe we'll all learn something.

 

[MikeOck]

Those rose tinted glasses are making you blind, the future is ahead of you, not behind.

 

[happyDJ]

If you manage to "accidentally" bump into her, and start from there, would that give her complete power over the relationship?

 

[BeDJ]

Crissco,

I've stepped on your toes recently and my apologies for that.

I went through the same thing in my 5 year LTR. It was all good and gravy focusing on myself and work after the break up, then all of a sudden BAM! I think it's the 6-month mark when I began to think - Holy sh!t, she's really gone. She's out of my life forever and and fvck...it really is time to move on. For me, it was the refusal to accept the fact, the reality. I didn't have SoSuave or any voices of reason. I had friends and family egging me on because they didn't want to be bad news bears, or simply they didn't know any better. We saw each other and continued where we left off. The emotions were AMAZING because it was all we had left between us. We only had good times after our minds created the delusion of happiness to escape from the heartbreak of reality. When that high was over, my entire world came crashing down.

Picture yourself watching a movie you have seen a few times before. You don't quite remember each particular scene or sub plots. The only thing that sticks in your mind is how the movie ended. You can rewrite everything in between, however, you know exactly how the movie has to end.

It's perfectly normal use your ex as standards. That's a woman's biggest fear when considering commitment from a man - Am/Will I be better than his ex-GF? Without those standards and lessons, you wouldn't have learned much from your previous relationship. You might see a BIG picture of it now because it's freshly on your mind. Similar to those old TV's when you turn the knob off, the image shrinks and is eventually gone. Your willpower is the ability to switch off that knob every time it randomly gets turned on. It takes a lot of willpower because your emotions can't simply just let the past go. If I had that willpower back then, I could have made a years' worth of significant improvement. We aren't getting any younger, embrace the freshness of life.

 

[Crissco]

Ok Crissco that's fine you've managed to talk yourself into thinking (1) this girl never made you miserable and (2) it was all your fault. Now, it's just up to you to contact her and repeat history by getting hurt and wasting time all over again. You're just going to have to hit rock bottom here firsthand.

I know where your coming from man. I understand that.
And no one makes YOU miserable, its how u choose to feel or react to the situation is what matters.

Weird. I'll be honest, while I do tend to trick myself into thinking I caused most of my breakups from being "insecure" or "mean", in reality the girls were just ho's and explaining the situation to the forum reveals as much. However, I do know that there are actual insecure men out there that arent just being run ragged by ho's. You say it is 99% your fault what is her 1% fault?

Her 1% was certain things she did, or didnt do that i wanted her to. It was how i reacted to it is what caused the problems.

Crissco,

I've stepped on your toes recently and my apologies for that.

I went through the same thing in my 5 year LTR. It was all good and gravy focusing on myself and work after the break up, then all of a sudden BAM! I think it's the 6-month mark when I began to think - Holy sh!t, she's really gone. She's out of my life forever and and fvck...it really is time to move on. For me, it was the refusal to accept the fact, the reality. I didn't have SoSuave or any voices of reason. I had friends and family egging me on because they didn't want to be bad news bears, or simply they didn't know any better. We saw each other and continued where we left off. The emotions were AMAZING because it was all we had left between us. We only had good times after our minds created the delusion of happiness to escape from the heartbreak of reality. When that high was over, my entire world came crashing down.

Picture yourself watching a movie you have seen a few times before. You don't quite remember each particular scene or sub plots. The only thing that sticks in your mind is how the movie ended. You can rewrite everything in between, however, you know exactly how the movie has to end.

It's perfectly normal use your ex as standards. That's a woman's biggest fear when considering commitment from a man - Am/Will I be better than his ex-GF? Without those standards and lessons, you wouldn't have learned much from your previous relationship. You might see a BIG picture of it now because it's freshly on your mind. Similar to those old TV's when you turn the knob off, the image shrinks and is eventually gone. Your willpower is the ability to switch off that knob every time it randomly gets turned on. It takes a lot of willpower because your emotions can't simply just let the past go. If I had that willpower back then, I could have made a years' worth of significant improvement. We aren't getting any younger, embrace the freshness of life.

All good dude, dont worry about it. What i dont want is the coming crashing down if we hypothetically speaking get back together, things are great for a bit, then boom, sh*t hits the fan.




BTW for everyone asking, I did not message her. Not sure if i am or not. Wasnt really on my mind much today.